Tuesday, November 27, 2012

When Child Stars Meltdown: Angus T. Jones

Child stars are cute when they are children. The Olsen Twins were cute on Full House. Of course Lindsay Lohan was funny and charming in The Parent Trap. Lest we forget Dustin Diamond was somewhat endearing as Screech, the bully target of Bayside High and dork that we all loved on Saved By the Bell?

But then they got annoying. The Olsen's developed a drug dependency and eating disorder and may or may not have been getting Oxys for Mr. Heath Ledger. Lindsay Lohan is a tabloid headline that just keeps going,and we all fear her death but like Bobby Brown, another kiddie star, she will live until she is one hundred. Dustin Diamond now rips off his fans, lies about his penis size,and releases sex tapes with ugly women. I would say let him go but aside from an atrocious comedy routine that he tours with, Diamond wrote Behind the Bell, a tell all book where this brokeass who has no career tells lies about his costars and the women he slept with. Of course his competition is Lark Vorhees, his once costar refusing to take her psych meds who showed up to an interview with what looked to be the residue of baking flower on her face.

But the latest is Angus T. Jones. The cheeky star of Two and a Half Men has found God. And when celebrity kids find God they also find ways to annoy all of us. Jones testified on behalf of his whacky church telling people not to watch the show because it is immortal. Jones claimed that he was serving Satan by raking in millions and being cast member on this show.He said he would leave now but was legally bound by contract. Small Fat Fried Tater Tot went on to say that since his parent's divorce he was tempted to drink but Jesus saved him from drugs and alcohol.And while women tempted him God was overseeing him and he was still a virgin.

Well Angie, the way you are going it looks like women aren't tempting you and it's not just your choice it's everyone's. So you will be keeping that V Card forever Jesus Boy.

Now as for the serving Satan claims, let's see how he changes his tune when they fire him and the only thing that underqualified, overindulged little bastard can do is serve fries for $5.75 an hour at McDonalds? Suddenly serving Satan  won't be so bad.

When Kirk Cameron went God at least he capitalized by making annoying movies.Lisa Welchel wrote books and went on Survivor. Angus T. Jones just needs to go away.

Maybe he will develop a drug problem, will add some depth to his obvious issues and make him more fun. Maybe he will become a bad tabloid headline, but God boys are never that much fun.Maybe Dustin Diamond will teach him the art of standup comedy.

Dear God no.

Angus drank the Kool-Aid. It's all too late.

Jesus saved me.Now off to save Sheen

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Available on Amazon

Come to my book signing
December 27,2012 7pm
Bethel Park Public Library
5100 W. Library Ave.
Bethel Park,PA


  1. Shoot..give me his gig! Write me into the storyline..Nevermind that I'm 41! We can call the show two and one fifth's of men..cause black men were considered one fifth a man back in the day..or two men and a mean ol negro...I love the show..they should give me a shot at all that money. Love your blog and I agree...I think they should make him go work in the pit at jiffy lube and live in a crappy apartment with a mean landlord..and see if he puts that religion away fast.

  2. Oh Champ, I love that idea. You could have a role as a time travelling slave that not only teaches those turd balls how to really get women, but also the catch is you'll be getting all the white women with your jungle mojo. As a bonus you will be the highest paid new star. Whatya say?

  3. hook a brotha up! before they give the gig to will smith! I was a lil groggy from working third shift and my math was wrong..three fifth's a man...and I hate fractions hah

  4. Oh you will be better than Will Smith. He is tired assed tired. xoxo