Saturday, November 10, 2012

Things Never To Tweet About

1. Assasinating the president. Yes, there are genius's who actually tweeted about this. Granted, they were white trash that couldn't spell, so their Dukes of Hazard approach was quickly stopped. Not only is President Obama a good man, a father, and a leader who defends the helpless but he is our president. Not only should you not want to assasinate him, but then you go a step further to lay out your hole filled plot on twitter. The dynamic duo went a step further to say it was a joke. Well the secret service missed the punchline because they arrested them. Needless to say Beavis and Butthead ain't laughing now.

You wanted to joke about assasinating our wonderful president. WELL YOU JUST PUT THE ASS IN THE WORD, SONS

2. Your greviance with any race or ethnic group. There are people who did this. From the moron on election day who referred to Obama using the n word to many others, the world does not care who you hate. I have words for you ignorant bastards, hate is wrong. But let's go a step further, not only is your tweet hateful but it is moronic. It shows that yes, while you do not like Jews, blacks, Spanish people guess what, the world as a whole hates you. You have nothing to offer except your stupidity. Do us all a favor and jump off a cliff. #encouragedumbhatefulpeopletoleavethisplanet.

3. How the world is ending now that Obama is president. Yes, I am talking to you Victoria Jackson. Yes, you Jesus freak. I have news for you, you lost the election. The world is making a statement. Your bigoted God is dead and you have killed him. The God that lives and loves created women and gays and wants them to have rights. Jesus also called me too. He hates you, thinks you are fat, and says you should be running on the track instead of running your mouth about politics you dumb bitch.

4. Your boyfriend/girlfriend problems. Yes, he broke your heart and he lied. All men do. Yes, she only wanted you for your money and left you for a guy who had more. Women suck too. But you suck as well. It's because you are tweeting about it. Now we want to dump you too. End of story.

5. The latest episode of the Jersey Shore. Snooki gets herpes again. Oops. the Jersey Shore no longer exists. While Sandy was a tragedy for many, at least we don't have to be sentenced to the Situation's stupidity for another season. The natives of the shore have lost their homes and livlihoods, lets let them keep their dignity.

6. Your bathroom activity. I don't want to know.

7. The latest person you slept with. I am sure his penis was big and I am sure the bitch had a sweet ass pussy. Yes these were real tweets. Yes this is too much info. How do you think the rest of us feel when we read them. Question, how is your house continually rocking while mine stands still in the middle of the night? On second thought I have seen the people going into your house and McYuck Yuck.

8. Inside jokes with your friends. They aren't funny and we are even less amused.

9. Bible verses, I am talking to you again Victoria Jackson. We realize you feel you have a close connection with God. But it is so close you need to keep it to yourself. You make anyone who believes in God look bad, so bad that God says to his buddies Buddah and Allah, "I don't know her. She is just a crazy women I give my food and spare change to. Sometimes she even cracks me up by eating crayons."

10. Generalized meltdowns, yes I am talking to you Mr. Trump. You have lots of money and too much time on your hands. We really don't care what you have to say. You are a big mouth with too much money, a sucky TV show, and a scholarship fund for women who like to shake, jiggle, and do a lot of coke. Instead of having a meltdown where you show us your infintile level of intelligence coupled with us wasting our time by reading it, instead you should make your fake hair look a little more convincing. After that go for a run. You are getting a little fat. If you still feel upset take that money and pay for a shrink. You have billions, you know where Park Avenue is, pay them to listen to your bullshit, Donny boy!

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

Come to my signing Thursday Nov 15
Symposia Books in Hoboken
510 Washington AVe
7 PM
Portion of proceeds got to American Red Cross to benefit Sandy vics

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