I entitled this blog the name of a show I opened for when I was twenty two years old. It was at the old Dillons. A genius piece about the twenty seven club it was written by my friend and world famous author and filmmaker Ian Halperin. I recently had the pleasure of reconnecting with Ian. He was the man who got me saying Chao chao when I signed off a phone conversation. Seeing him in person I realized how much I missed him.
A lot has happened since I was twenty two. I remember getting my little block with May on Last Comic Standing in the cold that year and everyone and their mother in my hometown saw us on network TV. I have been on a few TV shows, pissed off a few censors, have had a few gossip columnists up my ass, managed to get on a reality show, managed to do a press tour, and managed to get a book written that I am currently publishing. Oh and I am a talking head on YouNow.com. Adi Sideman is a genius. If you don’t believe me check out the site.
Did I mention I recently dated a celebrity much older than I was? Yes my Sugar Daddy, Dinosaur with Attitude. This past week we played phone tag until finally he didn’t return one of my calls. I didn’t feel like chasing after him. My principals say don’t chase a man in a walker. Needless to say May Wilson has spoken about stealing him. She can have him as he tallies up all the money he spends on me.
Part of me is looking forward to my twenty seventh year. I have worked hard and laid a lot of the ground work to a career that is looking very promising. The other half of me dreads it because I was at this place close to my twenty fourth birthday, everything looking perfect and then nothing happened. I am so freaking terrified of the same thing happening again. I went from going into tape a show to handing out newspapers in the cold outside the building. I was like a princess dropped from another planet back to the dregs of Earth. Maybe God wanted to teach me humility. Well I got the crash course.
There is a part of me who thinks twenty seven will be awesome. The other half of me who is terrified. Of course I am doing well and that terrifies me too in a way. I guess it is the pessimist in me. Everything goes so good what is set to go wrong? The breaks will stop coming in? My phone will stop ringing? I’ll get fat either because of nature or in love I will get knocked up? My book won’t get published? I will be doomed to struggle in obscurity screaming, “I was on the Today Show damnit! Don’t you know me?!?!”
On the other hand I have a lot of good things set to drop soon. The first being my book. The second being Pig Roast with the amazing Otto Petersen and George Dudley. The third being appearances on both Bravo and the Travel Channel. Of course there was that little cameo in the Lionsgate film. Let’s not forget some webseries spots I just filmed. But what if nothing pops? Oh gosh, I am such a worry wart. But I have to be. I can’t have another period of darkness like I had before.
I know in the long run none of that matters. I have a wonderful family and a group of friends so awesome they make me cry sometimes. Of course there are my fans who are unflinchingly loyal who would fearlessly fight for me until the end which makes me very thankful.
So twenty seven, I think we are going to take over the world. I have a good feeling about you. Surprise me like Susan Boyle. Don’t make me cringe like Carrie Prejean. Love April