I am going to be twenty seven this Monday. I don’t know what ever the hell that means. Part of me is amazed I have lasted this long on God’s green Earth. The other half of me is dismayed because I thought I would be an icon by now. Then there is a small sliver of me that barely still feels like an adult, that feels better when my mom is there helping me order and organize my life. I know, I am what they call a young adult.
Twenty six was amazing. I was on a reality show that got me tons of new fans and a press tour that multiplied the exposure. I got some nice gigs as a result. I returned to the acting making a horror film that is awesome in my opinion. I made some cool web videos and had fans fly into town to meet me. I had celebrity athletes take fan photos with my puppets. I pitched my book and am in the process of getting it published. I got featured in Chat in the UK. Oh and I am a part of a really neat site called YouNow where I broadcast daily with my puppet children and freestyle rap. I also deliver a lot of singing telegrams and am recording my own music. I have been keeping a one bedroom by myself and am self supporting through my own contributions. I know, superstar!
On the other hand, at twenty seven, there is still so much I feel that I can’t do. One is talk to guys. Until the time I was twenty two I had alcohol to help me mask my shyness. I stopped drinking which was wonderful because you could file me under the category of trouble whenever I engaged in libations. Then I tried the relationship thing and it failed. Now I just find myself wanting to run away every time a guy wants to get close to me. Maybe it was because my ex fiancé was an emotionally and physically abusive prick that tried to take away my puppets, my one and only love. Or maybe its just because I am shy. I was shy before I met Jack Daniels and maybe its starting to come back.
I found myself involved with a man much older than me not long ago. Actually last week. While the age difference was quite remarkable we connected and he is perhaps one of the funniest, most intelligent people I have ever come across. While his eccentricities made my head spin he had a good heart and treated me like a lady. Since he was quite wealthy, he took me out to nice restaurants where we didn’t dine and dash. I heard all these stories about him being a womanizer and maybe he was. However I will admit the dude was growing on me. Then again, here I am with a much older and more wealthy man and I barely make ends meat sometimes. Make that most of the time. I don’t know what it was but I felt like running away. All my friends, especially the gays, wanted me to milk that sugar. But somehow I was too ashamed to even let this dude see the cake. Part of me thinks if he saw the cake he would have given me more ingredients to bake, but still I just began to feel shy. The crazy thing is, he liked the fact I was smart……that is for now. I just started to go crazy and that’s when I decided to end it. I dunno, maybe it was the thought of dating a man that potentially wears a diaper or could in a short time. Either way there is a part of me that misses him.
Still the upside is that he could be a tinge racist and homophobic. I don’t think it was intentional. I just think it was because he was almost eighty. May Wilson wants me to get one that’s ninety five. Then he also kept telling me how much money dinner was. In the words of my good friend Colin McPhee, “Dinosaur with attitude.”
I almost know how to take care of myself these days. I eat well sometimes. Sometimes I eat junk. I am pissed these days that Cheetos are a buck nine. Cheetos are a staple in my diet, that and coffee. Since they raised the price of cheetos I am eating more fruit. Perhaps this is a blessing in disgusise. My place is a filth mess and squalor. Then again all I do is work and I am busy all the time. A mouse just ran by. When I get back from my trip I will purchase traps and call the exterminator. Of course this will be after I clean. Until he meets the glue trap and meets his mouse maker I will call him Zeke. That sounds like a name for a cute little disease carrier.
I am sick. This past week and a half was eventful though. I was part of the launch at TechCrunch Disrupt in San Fran where I was helping to represent YouNow. I also was revising my book yet again. I shot a music video in the woods where I was underdressed. I also took a graduate level writing course at NYU. Then Monday I was McGaga first thing in the morning and then that afternoon I played McGaga in a project directed by a world famous director whos name I will not say. In between all of that I have been getting blocked hang up calls from the illegitimate daughter and ex paramour of the potential sugar daddy because they are pissed I have him and they don’t. Well they can have their happy little dysfunctional family reunion.
Either way I am sick.
I go home tomorrow to see my family for a few days. I don’t want to demonstrate what an adult I am, becoming financially and artistically savvy as I find success in the big city. Screw that.
I want my mommy to make me chicken soup, put me in front of the TV and to turn on the cartoons damn it. Oh and a little bell would be nice.