This past Sunday I was ready to broadcast my show Confessions on younow.com. I had my guests booked, everything was set up, and the drag queens had both confirmed. To have drag queens answer emails and arrive in a timely fashion is a skill. But then it happened.
I went to run some errands and that’s when I got back to my place. I tried to unlock the door but my door was ajar. I came in, my lights were on and my laptop was jacked. Panic ran through me. My place had been robbed! My laptop was missing. However my money wasn’t touched which was odd. None of my pills were touched which was odd. I was to broadcast in less than two and a half hours. No laptop equaled no show. And the worst part was I didn’t know if this person who had robbed me was coming back to kill me.
I called my parents near tears. I couldn’t cry because I was so shocked. I called 911 and then my super to change my locks in case someone else would decide I was an easy target. Actually the verdict was already in, oops. Well I called 911 and they said they would be over. Twenty minutes passed. Called again. Twenty more minutes passed, called again to discover the mongoloid working there had gotten my address WRONG! Then in the meantime my super came, changed my locks and made sure I was okay. Meanwhile I called 911 again this time crying I was scared to see if I could get those idiot cops out of the donut shop. Fourth call and an hour and a half later they arrived.
Meanwhile my drag queens started coming in just as the cops were coming in. One of my guests promised to bring a webcam. I called the people at YouNow. Adi was very nice and told me to do the best I could. Galinsky thought it was awful. Dan said he wished he could help with an extra webcam but couldn’t. As the cops came in they wanted to know what happened. I explained to them what had gone on and used the word robbed. They corrected me and told me robbed was if I was held up at gun point but rather I was “burglarized.” And everytime I said robbed they corrected me. Finally I felt like screaming, “Fuck the fucking term. This SOB jacked my shit and you took forever in a day to get here!”
As if that wasn’t bad enough the whole kitten caboodle was coming in as the finger print squad was coming in. They said I shouldn’t have had my super change my locks because how were they supposed to take prints. Meanwhile not only do I have to sleep there but by the time they got there either the perp could have killed me or I could have caught him myself. The lady taking the prints suggested I use the credit card I purchased it on to see if it was covered by insurance. That’s a wonderful piece of advice but I could have given the same tip having had worked at Macys.
After they left we still tried to make the show go. First there was no internet connection and then the dude with the webcam left because this was “too much” for him. Too much for you? I’m the one who got “burglarized.” The worst part was I didn’t know who did this to me and why they did. Finally after all this drama I decided not to do the show. My guests understood and even said they would be back in two weeks when my place wasn’t “burglarized” and things were more calm.
The evening was spent with a friend who took care of me and made sure I was safe. The next day was spent waiting to talk to detectives. Waiting for detectives is like waiting for the Sears Guy. It’s an all day affair and they get there when they do. However unlike the idiots in uniform my detectives were pretty cool. They asked me questions, questioned my neighbor, and didn’t correct me when I used the term robbed instead of burglarized interchangeably. My buddy was there the entire time to help me because I was losing my mind. Oh and my detectives thought it was cool I did comedy, ventriloquism and want to see me live. Each time I have called them they have been nothing but wonderful. For that I am fortunate.
My YouNow family also really stepped up to see how I was. Cody-Ann messaged me to see if I was okay. MsSassy called me to see if I was alright, let everyone know what had happened, and filled in as host for the night. Eddie Lawshea sent some comforting words and offered to beat the ass of the person who took my computer. Bunny not only offered to be there to talk but she let me broadcast from her house. It was exciting because she was the first YouNow cyberjockie that I had met in person. Her dog Toni is so cute too. Not to mention my little poppyseeds worried that their Mama Foxxx was absent and offered to fly to the US to kick the ass of the thief who stole my laptop. At a time where I didn’t know who I could trust I found that I had a group of friends, an online family, who stepped up to be of assistance.
During this time I also sort of became more than friends with a friend helping me through this disaster. We had been buds for several months and crossed paths but only recently had started to become close. I had an inkling he had a thing for me, but he had struck me as a ladies man. Actually an ex of his had been head cheerleader. While he liked me it seemed he liked everyone so I didn’t take him seriously. Plus I figured in all actuality I would bore him to death and with no many numbers in his phone I was just one of many on his call list.
Since this disaster this particular friend has been by my side and I am realizing how wrong I am about him. Yes he has had his share of fun but he is far from being a ladies man. Actually, when he says he digs me and wants to see where something goes with me I believe him. Truth be told we have both been through a lot, had some crazy times and are over the bullshit. I never thought he could journey into certain terrain until all of this happened. I am also realizing he is probably one of the sweetest, kindest, honest, funniest and most caring people I have ever crossed paths with. I am just shocked, that’s all. And I am looking at it a different way. Sure it has come as a surprise and has made this past week more interesting but it is a pleasant diversion from being burglarized.
When I look back I realize it could have been worse. They could have totally cleaned the place out, taken my credit cards, or I could have walked in on them and they could have killed me. That’s why this Thanksgiving was better than ever. For as crazy as my family tends to drive me sometimes I was not only happy to see them, but happy that I was alive to see them.
As for my show this Sunday, it will go. I get back to NYC Sunday evening around 7:30 if all goes well. Show will start at 9, 9:30. This week’s theme is gratitude. My folks at the station are glad to have me back. I am hoping YouNow doesn’t chop my show. This week will be low key. I wont have the guests. It just might be me and my new semi-squeeze. I dunno. Will keep you posted. As for my poppyseeds Mama is back Love April