Thursday, November 3, 2011

Mama Foxxx's Mail Bag

Dear Mama Foxxx,
I was engaged to this guy a few years ago and we had been together since we were kids. About three weeks before we got married he broke it off and said he wanted to sow his wild oats. Turned out that meant sleeping with my half sister who works as a stripper. Anyway, it’s been three years. I finished college, am currently working as a nurse, just bought a dog but dated a slew of men and never found love. Well guess who messages me on facebook requesting to be friends. I accepted his friend request bcause I still wanted to be friends. We go out to coffee and that’s when he tells me he still loves me, messed things up, tells me how sorry he is and that’s he’s a changed man. Part of me wants him back because I am lonely and haven’t found anyone else who captures my heart. The other half of me isn’t sure. Please advice. Signed RN in need of Heart Mending

Dear RN in Need of Heart Mending,
Maya Angelou once had a profound quote, “When someone shows you who they are believe them.” This man has shown you that he and the truth do not live on the same side of the street. He lied to you about why he couldn’t marry you and then he slept with your stripper half sister. He is a dirty dog who probably has fleas and deserves to sleep alone in the Goddamn dog house for all of eternity. To take him back would not only be more of the same heart ache but probably more now that Sir Lancelot has sewed his wild oats and probably has a funky new disease. What happened was he discovered that no woman was willing to put up with his shit for free and hookers and high class strippers are expensive so he is back with you. Block him on facebook and block that out of your life pronto. You are doing well for yourself. You don’t need someone bringing you down. You are an RN for Godssakes. That means you are surrounded by good looking doctors. WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT YOU CAN DO BETTER! Start talking to some of them and see where it goes. Find one who’s good looking, nice and rich. I am not saying marry him for his money but at least when he tries to pull a similar scam you can sue for alimony. Just kidding. What I am trying to say is that you are a career woman with a bright future ahead of her. Don’t let this moron’s memory taint your standards on the quest for true love. You settled for a mutt once before and look at what you got. Go for the pure bread. Love Mama Foxxx

Dear Mama Foxxx,
I am nineteen and was seeing this girl about a year ago. She broke up with me because she “needed space.” Well I found out the space she needed was to sleep with a lot of other guys. This hurt me a lot and I went on a week long drinking binge where I flunked several midterms and was put on academic probation. Well now this girl shows up at a party that my friend was having, cornered me, and said that she hoped we could be friends. I don’t want to be mean because she had a bad home life but at the same time she really hurt me. Please advise. Signed Young and Confused.

Dear Young and Confused,
This girl is like toxic waste, dangerous and only hurt you. STAY AWAY. To someone like this a friend is a tampon, they bleed on them until they are soaked in the damage. She will use you and abuse you. This woman already put you in a state to which you were so depressed you went on a week long drinking binge and put your academics and your future at jepordy. I wouldn’t even say hi to someone like that on the street ever! Just as a zebra never changes it’s stripes neither does the phylum of lying bitch. And while we are on the subject I just want to tell you no person is ever, ever worth going on a drinking binge over. This woman’s lying, cheating heart pushed you to the bottle because you let it. Shame on you for giving her that much power. My bet is that manipulative little wench’s under regions have seen as much traffic as Kim Kardashians and she doesn’t have the sexy derriere to match. You are lucky it was just your academics you damage and they let you try again. You could have been seriously injured or hurt because of your wreckless behavior. Alcohol poisoning kills a lot of young people too and is no joke. Remmeber that when you want to be dumb and drink to excess. Maybe this woman was put in your life to make you look at the choices you are making in regards to people, places and things because they suck, because those decisions reflect how we view ourselves. My point being, chose your women a little wiser and when one dumps you don’t drink over her because the odds of you being lucky the next time are not good. And when one shows she isn’t worth your time or energy, just know that her rejection is God’s protection and it sounds like this one did you a favor. You are nineteen, there are lots of women in the world, date one that isn’t a lying ho. Trust me there are plenty. And if she does turn out to be no more free therapy sessions with Jameson. Love Mama Foxxx

Dear Mama Foxxx,
I and twenty years old and broke up with a guy two weeks ago and he is not taking it well. He told me he couldn’t live without me. He showed up to my job twice and my manager told him to leave. To make matters worse he shows up at my house too. He told me that if I didn’t get back with him that he would kill himself. I am terrified of him killing himself and don’t want to feel responsible but at the same time the relationship was not working. I don’t know what to do. Signed, Vulnerable
Dear Vulnerable,
First off I want to tell you I went through something similar and your ex is what is called a stalker. He is a big boy, not a puppet, and you do not pull his strings. His suicide threat is either superficial and a sign of a controlling guy trying to maintain control or evidence of untreated mental illness. I went through the exact same thing with my ex when he tried to kill himself by drinking laundry detergent. Really he should have been taking that detergent and doing my laundry!  Point is, he expected you to fill a void in his life when in reality he needed an extensive team of mental health professionals. This is not the time to be kind. This guy has gone off the deep end. Stalkers are very dangerous and a lot of women die at the hands of psychotic ex lovers. This is not a joke. If he shows up again don’t hesitate to call the police and put the action in motion to get a restraining order. Now is not the time to be kind but to protect yourself. He’s talking about killing himself right now. The next words phrase out of his mouth will be about killing you. Be careful and remember this isn’t someone to be trusted. He is unstable and should be treated with kit gloves. Health, wellness and safety are basic human rights. Protect yourself.  This is life and death and in the end I don’t want him taking your life. You deserve better. Love Mama Foxxx

Dear Mama Foxxx,
I am a thirteen year old guy and live with my mother and two older sister. My father died when I was six and although I am the baby I am still the man of the house. My sister is twenty and she is dating a guy who is a major tool. He has been to jail twice, smokes two packs a day, and doesn’t work. My sister is in college and works one job to support herself and a second to support him. Oh and he has three kids to two different women that he doesn’t support. I know my dad would be disgusted as hell if he were alive and is probably rolling in his grave right now. I want to knock this guy off his block but he is bigger than me. Instead, when he comes over I act like a pest so he will leave. And then I hide his beer so he gets pissed. Once I even slit his tires to teach him to treat my sister right. None of it is working. Help me break them up. Signed, I Hate My Sister’s Asshole Boyfriend
Dear I Hate My Sister’s Asshole Boyfriend,
Wow, this guy is making me roll in my grave and I am still alive. He is Johnny Appleseed, a loser who spreads his sperm and has no other redeeming qualities. I understand you are frustrated and you seem like you have a good heart. Unfortunately you have no control over this and that is what you have to understand. You sister is a big girl, and while you love her for some reason she has chosen this loser and you have to accept that and the sucky thing is, since he is not going away, it looks like you are going to have to get along. Yes he is a retard, we know that. However your well intentioned but red neck inspired system of justice is not the way to go. While I applaud you for the original idea of the loud music the property damage is a misdemeanor and though he is an ex con he still has the right to press charges. Translated, you could find yourself in a hot mess young man and your potential brother in law has friends in the big house. Be careful. And he has been to jail a few times and has no second thought about breaking the law therefore he might have no second thought about shooting your ass. And if he doesn’t shoot your ass or you don’t have to go to court, worse yet, your antics may be driving this demented Romeo and his na├»ve Juliet closer together and the odds of this moron disappearing lessen. Instead unfortunately you have to wait it out. Trust me, you probably aren’t the only one who has told her what a winner Sir Lancelot is. She has heard it before. Let the relationship be and in the meantime learn to get along with him. In time hopefully your sister will see this degenerate for what he really is and dump him. She is in college, she’s smart, she’s just going through a bad boy phase. When she sees he’s always going to be a loser and she can’t change him like a child and a pair of jeans from last year she will out grow that shit. Trust me, I did, and did I mention I almost married mine? Love April
I am Mama Foxxx, the Mama Foxx and Queen Bee of advice columns and internet talk tv/radio. I am also a puppet mother to ten wonderful puppet children and a growing number of fans whom I call my Poppy Seeds xoxoxoxoxo

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