Saturday, November 19, 2011

Into the Groove (Madonna)

Today was a mix of a lot of things. The day started with me waking up late. I have no idea why I did. As usual I have been working to make sure Sunday’s show is a success. That’s when I saw one of my little poppyseeds had messaged me and asked me if I was online on broadcasting. I was like wow, I just woke up. So I messaged the young lad named Connor Hill back and told him I could be on younow broadcasting if he so desired, but that I had to get some coffee first. So I made his wish come true. I logged in, broadcasted and started my day with love from my Poppyseeds.
Sure they should have probably been in school, doing homework. But why? Mama Foxxx was online. I have to pump myself up somehow . I have to be my own self esteem. For years I had no self esteem. Anyway, I found myself logging online and receiving love first thing in the morning from my Poppyseeds. It made it worth it. I was told I was a legend already which made me feel good. My Poppyseeds are loyal and many have seen May and myself on My Strange Addiction and others have read chat.
The crazy thing about this generation is that they are all tech savvy. They tweet. They youtube. They have webcams. They also facebook to high heaven. Sometimes when the young ones get on and they broadcast they give too much information. I just want to say to them, diss your friend fine. But don’t say her first and last name. She might come and beat your ass and plus you will be on record like a fool and cannot take it back.
Yesterday Sir Alfie gave his phone number out in the middle of his broadcast to his adoring fans. The adult in me wanted to call him and tell him that I hoped it was a fake number. Sir Alfie is a smart dude. I have a feeling it is a fake number. At least I hope so. He is only eighteen. He has only started to venture into the world of dating and has yet to discover how crazy and manipulative women can be. Plus this is the age of the internet, you never know what whacko with what mental health issue is watching. Nonetheless I get a kick out of the little dude. He says he’s six two, don’t know if I believe him.
Another wild thing about these folks coming in from the UK is that many of these youtube stars are so young. Mark Ludford mentioned having to do his homework when his broadcast ended. Alfie mentioned he is studying chemistry. The adult in me just wanted to tell them both, “Now, good job on the computer but it’s time to do school work. Study hard and be in bed by ten. Good brains need plenty of rest. And remember, take your vitamins.” That’s when I have to chuckle a bit. It’s really quite darling that these kids are doing so much when you think of it. Mark wrote me the sweetest email this morning. I know he had a test today. He seems like a smart kid. Also a good kid. Hope he aced it.
Of course after all of this I get on the train to host a radio show about stocks on Wall Street. I get on the train in a frenzy the pants I wanted to wear had a stain on them. As I got on the train guess who I saw sitting there? The guy I went out with twice, captured my heart, and then had to let go. I looked over and saw him. I quickly turned my head in the opposite direction and hoped he didn’t catch my eyes. He’s not a bad guy, just isn’t in a place where he is ready to be in a relationship. Actually the truth of the matter is that I have been out with a lot of people in my time and some not so good, he was one of the good ones. In some ways he was too kind and too sweet, that’s why his life is the wreck that it is now. Sometimes people get into trouble not because they aren’t pure enough its because they are too pure in a way, almost too honest. That’s the category this bloke fell into.
I looked over to double check if this wasn’t just me going crazy. I wasn’t. Seeing someone you dumped is like seeing someone you fired. While you were in the right they still make you feel like an asshole. At that moment the awkward fairy had visited. I wanted the Earth to open up and swallow me whole. Sure I looked good and so did he. I could hear him talking trash about me later to his loser buddies. That’s when I just bolted off the damn train. Sure it might make me late. I would catch another.
I tried to think of things about him that ruled him out which was a lot. Plus I knew the other day when I was walking down the block and saw his friends who gave me the phoniest, fakest hello that they were talking smack about me. That was some shade they were throwing. But I knew they were talking trash by the way I heard them giggle when I left. Then I remembered they were losers. No one worth anything was listening anyway. Plus for as painful as it is I know I was doing the right thing by ending this.
The dude was a caretaker. He didn’t understand that I needed space to breathe and to be myself. Not only that but his last girlfriend had been very dependent. I am the farthest thing from a woman who needs a man to protect her and help her with everything. Girls like that make me ill and make me want to slap them. As the daughter of a Title IX Crusader, I was taught to be a lady but never to have to rely on a man. As a result of these things my sister is in medical school and I am pursuing a career in comedy, two careers you don’t see many women in. But at the same time while we don’t hate men we don’t need them and it’s not the end of the damn world if we don’t have one.
Plus it also occurred to me that he wasn’t going to be cool with the new fanbase I was developing. Not to mention he wasn’t going to be cool with the career. He wasn’t going to be cool with the amount of male friends I have. This was all for the best. Maybe he can find a girl he can be a butler too. To me when a guy feels the need to smother me I want to turn to him, punch his lights out and then suffocate him with a pillow. Hey, it’s only how he makes me feel.
On the flipside he was the first guy since my ex-fiance who gave me the glimmer of hope that things could be different. He was the first one I met and I thought, “Maybe this won’t end up with me wanting to kill you or cheating on you with your best friend.” But then the daydream ended when I looked back at his past texts and realized he couldn’t spell. That’s something that wont change. A man with bad syntax is a man who requires a lot of work.  The funny thing is, for as young as the British invasion is on younow, I sort of envy their innocence when it comes to love and the whole dating thing. They still have hope and are quite cute about it. For as much as they crack me up I somehow wish I still had a little of that myself. Am I worried Mr. Fabulous is going to read this? Hell no, a man with bad syntax is a man who isn’t a reader. I’m not worried.
I went to Wall Street and ended up as co-host for Hit the Bid. It is a show about the stock market. I loved the hosts and loved the audience. They are smart guys who respected an opinionated woman. Plus they love the fact that I thrive on toilet humor from time to time. My mind is like that of a thirteen year old boy. Always in the gutter and always going in some way, shape or form. Nonetheless the chat there was like the chat on YouNow, it was fast moving and you had your trash talkers. Nonetheless I found myself getting the much needed laugh after seeing someone I dumped on the subway. But the show was fun and I was a hit and they want me back, good times.
I finished the day by kickboxing. Good times. It was what I needed after seeing the one who I ended things with. After all, it was also a pleasant reminder I didn’t have a date for Friday night. But nonetheless my abs were in shape. And in the class was a Russian I crushed on way back who does MMA. Unfortunately he is also a little bit of a ladies man. I saw him out earlier this summer with a date and he hit on me while he was with her. It usually ends badly and he has several stalkers. Nonetheless he admits he is emotionally unavailable which is why I sort of like and respect him.
Either way the big task now is organizing my show Confessions. Yes it is this Sunday night from 8-10 EST. Heartbreak or not I will be there. Hope to see you there too from whatever corner of the world you may call home. I welcome my poppyseeds one and all xoxox April

No comments:

Post a Comment