Saturday, November 18, 2017

Tired

The last several weeks have been busy. That's why I haven't been around. During the weekends I was in Sleepy Hollow working with puppets at a haunted house. On week days I delivered my telegrams. In between I applied and was accepted into Antioch University's Low Residence MFA Program in Los Angeles. Then there was the line of merch I released. And I also readied and debuted my show in the Solocom Festival. This was after completing my workshop for The Onion. And I also take acting class once a week.

Over extended? Yes. Insane? Oh absolutely. Tired? Fuck yeah.

I love all of it every second. I loved each train ride to Sleepy Hollow even though the rides back got tedious with the late nights and milk runs of the local. I loved each crowd that came into my tent from the young kids who thought I was real, to the kids who wanted to be scared, to the tween boy who proposed to me in corpse bride full body puppet gear. I loved the adults who were either screaming surprised or had a witty comeback. I loved the drunks who were eager to dance. I loved them all. It was bittersweet when Halloween ended.

Although the weekends literally drained me most of the time, I loved each person I delivered telegrams to. They were all amazing. My favorite being a Marilyn Monroe to a man who had a son with special needs. His son who was ten and physically as well as developmentally handicapped sang along with me. It was amazing. It was awesome. It was a why not moment.

Applying to the low residency MFA Program in Creative Writing nearly killed me. I love to write but when you have to write it's different. The reason I chose the program was because it was a responsible way to familiarize myself with LA and to network. And if I ended up not liking LA I am not locked into a lease. Straight away I loved the people I spoke to, and because of the program model I don't have to put my career on hold and can tour. They just own me for 10 solid days straight each semester. And they love writing as much as I do.

As for the line of merch, that is the coolest and craziest thing I think I have done to date. Yes, I have a gift shop. Yes, it is crazy. Yes, I love it. Wow, I can't believe I did a gift shop in between everything else I had to do. Yes, I had some help with it. Yes, you should buy my merch. https://www.redbubble.com/people/aprilb?asc=u

The Lady and President Tramp debuted at Solocom. It was a wonderful night and I made a new friend with the very talented Scott Kremer who was my hour mate with Character's Unleashed. My only regret is that I was under the weather but tis the season. Either way, it was an amazing experience.

The Onion Workshop was incredible. My teacher was adorable. It also helped me see through some of my own bullshit. For the longest time I had a resentment against a comedy theatre in NYC. I saw them as preppy white kids who wanted to be on SNL and would slit your throat to get there. I saw them as snob who didn't like anyone who wasn't on the farm like them. I saw them as that obnoxious high school clique that you were chronically trying to escape. This workshop made me realize that perhaps some of that had been my own bullshit and the bullshit we all fall into. I saw them as young people like myself with dreams. I saw them as people who loved comedy and performing to the point where they were obsessive. I saw the good and together we all had an awesome experience in this workshop because of our shared love.

And yes, I am in acting class once a week. Ironically, my teacher is from said theatre and he is very knowledgeable and very objective about the work. I have really come out of my own skin and am actually really nipping my bad habits onstage in the bud. I also feel safe to create and perform my own work there, which has never happened to me before in an acting class. And I don't feel stupid when I make mistakes either. I don't feel resentful because I am not a part of the clique in this comedy school. Again, we are all young folks trying to go to the same place.

Either way, I am exhausted. I still have to clean. Today I have a monologue coaching session because why not? I also need to pack because this week is Thanksgiving and my dad's birthday. Tomorrow I am doing an event where they have food. Why not?

No rest for the weary.

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Friday, November 10, 2017

Here I Go Again (Whitesnake)

Last night I had a run in with someone from my past. I used to call her a friend until my ex tried to cheat with her. They both sucked. He sucked for trying to cheat on me in front of my face. She sucked for trying to cheat with him knowing I had a boyfriend. I wouldn't have cared, she's the town bike. Everyone has had a ride. But he was sharing my personal business with her and that's a problem.

Then again my ex is a loser and so is she.

I was willing to let bygones be bygones but last night this bitch stepped over the line. She unleashed a victim blaming post on facebook. It was basically saying the Spacey victim was to blame because he was at an adult party. And the Louis CK victims were idiots for what they got. When I tried to tell her as much she told me I was stupid for calling other people stupid.

This whole thread and reply was so locked and loaded. I wanted to tell her she was stupid for all the victim blaming because back in the day she was always whining about the men who sexually took advantage of her to the point where it was comical. Sure, the guys were in the wrong but she was like the girl in the xoJane article who kept getting into the vans and after her 10th van we were like WTF?! Not to mention she travels constantly and has worked as an escort in the past. Either she is working as an escort again or she is rolling someone. And my belief is despite the song she sings about being clean and sober she's at it again with the drugs and has been for some time.

Sure, it hurt to see her make bad decisions with herself and to keep choosing destructive men, I supported her. I always believed her. I always believe the victim because I have been in the path of predatory men. Read my other blogs. So for her to victim shame was just mind blowing to me because having walked that path and knowing how hard it is, to do such a thing is just plain evil. But that's just me. Defending women and victims. Raising my voice for women who are abused at the hands of a partner. Working on those doggone CODA issues.

An idiot guy she was probably sleeping with, because she has bragged about sleeping with every man on her friend's list, called me a Marxist because he was offended. I explained I was offended by the misuse of the word Marxist and I realized I was indeed an idiot for even wasting my damn time

That's when I calmly told her I had no room for her in my life and blocked her ass. She stole her damn look from a Whitesnake video and now we know why the band broke up. As for my ex, he can have her. At this point he is my shit I flushed a while back. He's a loser and she's a pig. Maybe they can make a race of mutants. As far as I am concerned I should have stepped aside and let the lady win. After all, I was no match for her stupidity and outright abuse of 80s too tight jeans. They deserve each other they truly do. And if he was willing to cheat with that.....bitch please, at least cheat with something that is almost an upgrade.

Either way, my deceased friend Chacho Vasquez said it best, "Sometimes, people are in your past for a reason. And if you look back they are right where you left them doing the same shit and wearing the same bad clothes."

And after that breakup I felt bad for cutting people out. It goes with ending things with a mentally ill partner. Now I don't. In the words of Whitesnake, "Here I go again on my own!"

That being said, come to my show next Thursday https://www.broadwayworld.com/cabaret/article/April-Brucker-to-Debut-THE-LADY-AND-PRESIDENT-TRAMP-at-Solocom-Festival-20171110

And don't forget to buy my merch April in the Desert


Thursday, November 2, 2017

Everyday is Halloween (Ministry)

I have been rocking Halloween kind of hard for the last month working in my haunted house in Sleepy Hollow. Halloween was kind of bittersweet in it's own strange way. It was like the end of a long, strange, magical, and mystical journey of growth.

Although it wasn't official, I was kind of sort of head puppeteer in my tent. Each night they designated me with the walkie. Each night I did wellness checks. Each night I handled the drama if it came my way. I was also head puppeteer in a way by virtue that I was the most experienced when it came to that world. I had a good crew. Yes, they were characters in their own way but I grew to love them. I was aptly nicknamed "Tent Mom" by one.

I ran a tight ship in my own way. I wasn't a tyrant, but because of my skills as a comedy club emcee I squashed any trouble makers who came into my tent. I kept them laughing or let them know bad behavior wasn't going to be tolerated. I also kept my people calm. One night, one young woman had her glasses break as well as her puppet. It was a bad night.

I asked her how she was holding up. She replied, "I feel as if it was something I did to make this happen."

I wanted to lose my damn mind. I wanted a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of diet coke. It's what one of my mom friends confesses gets her through kid troubles at times. But then I remembered something my beloved mentor once told me about leadership. A former army officer, he told me the best way to disagree was to address the problem and not to lose your shit. So I said, "I need you to maintain a positive attitude. Do not let this temporary setback undermine the good work you have been doing all season."

It worked. Help came. But I wanted that damn pack of cigarettes, diet coke and a possible gun to my head as a girl lost her cellphone minutes later. All the while the troops were losing their morale as it was cold and the night was long. It's kind of apt that my mentor was an army officer. Because actors are more or less a platoon in costumes, and in our case we were a platoon with puppets.

My soldiers were all good for the most part. Aside from puppets breaking and other technical difficulties they fought the good fight. We had a lot of good folks come through, and some not so hot at times but their energy never wavered. Even when they had issues with the management, which the management at times was far from perfect, I can still say I was proud of the work we did as a unit. Actually, they were nothing short of delightful and I am proud of each and every one of them.

I have long since admired soldiers. After all, my Pop Pop, a second lieutenant in the Navy, had a can do attitude. My mom was struggling in math and therefore this meant it was time to rattle off addition and subtraction facts in the car on the way to swim practice. My mom, who has always been petite, struggled with upper body strength as a child, and my grandfather remedied this by installing a chin up bar. She had to do 10 coming into her bedroom and 10 going out. Theatre itself is about can do. Perhaps it is no accident my cousins and I have found ourselves in the arts.

I was proud of how I sort of stepped up as a leader during my time on this job. Maybe this makes up for all the times I was a literal trainwreck in the past decade of my life. The run is over and I am grateful. My immune system is wearing down and I am exhausted.

I will miss the opportunity to be paid to learn a new form of puppetry. Yet I will not miss long nights in the cold. I will miss channeling my beloved Crypt Keeper as a character inspiration, but will not miss the long train rides and late nights. I will miss my puppeteers and fellow cast members, but am glad for the rest and to have my weekends back for the time being.

When I think of it, every day is Halloween for me. I dress up in costume for my job. I do funny routines all the time. I am someone else constantly who is secretly an extension of myself. Either way, I am glad for the experience Sleepy Hollow gave me. It made me fall in love with the theatre all over again, as if I wasn't in love with the greatest woman ever.........

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Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Merch Item of the Week

Hey guys, your favorite Superfoxxx is now selling merch. That's right, you can buy an April Unwrapped T-shirt. (Yipee!)

You can have April in the morning
April in the evening
April at supper time
When you can have April on a t-shirt
You can have April anytime!!!!!
Order Here


And here is my pic of the week. I know, wanna shoot my billiards.


Also, do not forget to mark your calendars, on November 16 The Lady and President Tramp is part of the Solonova festival at The PIT Loft. Hope to see yins guys there xoxo

Until then I will be at Horseman's Hollow Haunted House in the Den of the Wailing Woman puppeting. Priscilla and I hope to see you there this October 26-31.



Sunday, October 22, 2017

Tunnel of Love (Bruce Springsteen)

For the last several weeks I have been working at The Horseman's Hollow Haunted House in Sleepy Hollow. I can say that the gig isn't perfect for a lot of reasons (no job ever is) , but I LOOOOVVVVEEE WERQQQIIINNNGGG IN THE HAUNTED HOUSE EVERY WEEKEND, OH YEAH!!!! It is nice steady side money coming in. Not to mention I get to work with full body puppets. In my journey as a puppeteer, I have worked with ventriloquist puppets, hand and rod, Bunraku, and Balinese Shadow Puppets. Never have I ever full body.

I love the people I get to work with too, which is not the case with every project you do. We even have a theatre family which we nicknamed The House of Cards. Alex, my little friend, is one I have easily adopted. He's not my son because that is too gender affirming but my moon. You get the idea.

Anyway, tonight I was minding my own business working in the Den of the Wailing Woman. You always see me when you walk in. My puppet, whom I have named Priscilla says, "Hey Sugar Puff, I am the ghoul of your dreams. You shoulda swiped right."

To give you an idea, the Den of the Wailing Woman is completely dark aside from glow in the dark florescent skeletons. I am there with 4 other puppeteers. In between patrons I turn on our black light to make sure no one has died since I have the walkie. But enoygh about that. Let's talk about Priscilla

Nevermind she is an 8 foot skeleton. Most folks laugh. Priscilla has become a sort of hit in a way as patrons have returned several times and say, "Swipe right."

Or tonight I wasn't doing the Tinder joke as much, so one kid said, "You have Tinder don't you?"

Several youngins even told their parents how funny I was and how they were begging them to take them to see the attractions, but they got a kick out of yours truly. Anyway, one young lad took it a step further.

During the walk, he asked Priscilla to marry him. I was perplexed. My character is 300, he's 13. To make it even more romantic he got down on one knee. Although the age difference is probably illegal in the State of New York, he asked better than the previous two men who wanted to marry me. Plus he wasn't a total loser with a psych illness or anger management issue. So I said, "Sure Sugar Puff, let's make this happen."

Needless to say his mother decided she didn't want her son to have a zombie bride. So she yelled, "Get up, c'mon, let's get going."

My dreams of romance evaporated into the night air.

Sigh. I am having a great time. The last time I was this happy was at the RNC in Cleveland. I feel like I am having fun, learning, growing into my own skin, learning new things and making a few bucks. I am also falling in love with theatre like I was in college. Plus I might have met my future ex husband.

Did I mention I sold a few calendars? Life is good

Calendar


Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Never Let Me Down Again (Depeche Mode)

Today marks 7 years since my best friend died as a result of drugs. They found his body in a dumpster. It was horrible. There is a piece of my heart that still goes this time each year. It's like it's ripped out, pissed on, and thrown across a room.

Awful and horrifying are not just words that describe the pain that still lingers. On this day each year I meet some fuckhead who totally pisses me off. I always want to ask, "Can I trade this shit for brains for my best friend?"

Yes, he was a character. Chacho was my Ratso Rizzo. He was always in some shit. We had three rules:

1. No calling me in the middle of illegal activity.

2. No detailing sex practices involving chocolate syrup

3. No detailing sex practices involving cherry syrup.

Yes, he was my gay boo. Chacho I fucking miss you. Yes, he sold drugs. No, he didn't like to be called a drug dealer. He preferred entrepreneur or small business owner. Yes, he was a bad businessman getting high on his own supply. Yes, he got government assistance and spent it on designer clothes. Sure he didn't have a house but he had his Gucci.

It's been years and it gets easier. But there are moments where my heart still breaks into a million pieces. Watching someone die as a result of an addiction is like watching someone dig their own grave right in front of you, shovel and all.

This year I didnt remember the day because I have been working so much. But then I saw the reminder on my phone. I had just mailed out my mom's birthday present and then oh shit. Yes that painful day each year.

To compound the pain, I was walking to a friend's show last night and saw my ex boyfriend nodding off in front of the Port Authority. I knew he was homeless and back on drugs. I also heard through the grapevine he was blaming me for every awful thing that ever happened to him. But to see him nodding off in his own piss and vomit made it more awful than I could ever describe.

Sure, he did plenty of fucked up things at the end of the relationship. Yes, he hurt me a lot. But he didn't deserve this.

A few minutes later some asshole hit on me. You got it a white, cisgendered, male asshole. Wanted to see my Patriarchal Pleasure Pit. It made me want to vomit, my former lover only feet away nodding off and destroying himself worse than my words and hexes ever could. And what hurt more was my gay deceased friend, gay bashed in his neighborhood and slashed across his cheek. Yes, he always had his compact to cover up his scar. But it hit his heart in ways I could never describe.

So I did the stable thing of screaming at this scumbag to get away from me. He ran. It felt good. It felt good to scream at the cisgendered man who would have made my friend Chacho feel lesser because of his same sex attraction. It felt good to scream at the cisgendered man who encouraged the toxic masculinity that made men like my ex feel they needed to go to war and fight for a country that could give two shits about them. Yes, fuck the man.

Or as a wise person once said, "A junkie is someone telling society there is something wrong."

Minutes later I got an email from a coordinator in my graduate school. I forgot to turn something in. FUCK! Work had gotten so busy as did the Onion workshop I was in that I forgot. I took a breath. Time to go to the show. No more mind fucking tonight.

Today I turned in my assignment for graduate school. I formatted it wrong. (FUCK!). I also had a snafu with something I am releasing to sell that made me want to break everything in the fucking room. I hated the fucking world. And not to mention that when I told someone my ex was homeless and nodding off in Port Authority they said, "Wasn't so smart to be with him."

Really Sherlock Holmes. Tell me something I don't know. He gets off his ass to get dope each day which is more than I can say for you.

Either way it's fine. I just feel like I want to explode. I will say this both shows were good last night. Made me inspired to write some good comedy. Maybe even make Chacho a character, because he was funny. He wouldn't want me to be sad now. If anything, he would kill it onstage.

Although it feels like it currently, I don't suck at life because I am choosing life. Choosing life is always the hardest thing. My ex isn't choosing life. It's sucks but just as Chacho failed himself my ex is doing the same. That being said, I am grateful to be alive, even if it is with this discomfort. And stay tuned, there are more exciting announcements coming.

April Unwrapped










Monday, October 16, 2017

The Crippling Patriarchy

For weeks, I have been on pins and needles to write this blog. I have written a lot about gender and domestic violence in the past. It always makes men uncomfortable. It puts them on edge because it's not the fluffy sexy stuff people want to read. Domestic violence is the unwelcome guest at any party. People feel terribly for an abused woman, but they want to remain at arms length because of the codependency and other issues the person often has.

I get it.

It's amazing how our culture promotes both domestic violence and rape. Straight men are literally raised with this toxic idea on how to perform masculinity. Gender is such a social construct that part of the reason DV is so constant is that men don't know how to behave. It's like they are so busy pounding their chests and asserting their manhood that some will do it at the expense of health and respect in the relationship.

There is always an idiot or two that says the woman pushed him. It's codependency, they push each other. It's a vicious cycle. Or they say she deserved it. No one deserves to be abused by a partner. And then they tell me I am bitter and to get over it. Yes, I am bitter the laws did more to protect my abusive partner than they did me.

No, I will not "get over it." If you have a friend or family member that is stalked or harassed by an intimate partner you never get over it. You are fucking furious.

It's amazing how much straight cisgender male culture promotes the slavery and entrapment of the straight cisgender female. Straight men do it unknowingly, even the good ones. I am by no means saying all straight men are evil. No, there are lots of good ones who are wonderful friends, brothers partners and fathers. But there is this construct that makes women subservient.

For instance, a man isnt a so called gentlemen if he doesn't pay for dinner. When I suggest both people split the check and get the relationship off on an equal footing women especially hate this. It's like they are not conditioned to be equal but demand it. And when they get it, they don't know what to do with it because they lose their status on the punishing end. It's always also assumed the man is the bread winner and has to take care of the woman. This is a terrible notion and a punishing one at that. It's an insult to people of both genders.

Then it is one set of rules for the man and the other for the woman. The man can parade his ex's around and speak about them at his leisure because he must mount his conquests on the wall. The woman when she speaks about hers isn't "over him." The second the woman says something about them she is demonized for her jealousy. Yet when the man says something about a woman's past partner he is asserting his manhood.

Lest we forget the cliche that a man can have as many partners as he wants and be king and a woman has as many partners as she wants and she is a slut. A lot of women slut shame not because they are even evil, but it's the internalized fear we have of the judgement and therefore we would rather have stones to throw at others rather than ourselves.

A man who is friends with all of his ex's is not a nice guy ever in my experience. This is a straight cis male enjoying being on the top of the patriarchy. This is a straight cis man parading his trophies. Often, this man is using these trophies as a way to keep his woman in her place, letting her know what came before her. When she gets jealous it's all her fault. It's like saying she deserved it because of what she wore, this is the same metric.

As a woman, we always fall into the trap of bad mouthing the woman before us, growing jealous. Meanwhile it is just the man's way of keeping us in our place. If we are jealous and do not focus on the fact he is trying to control us through the structure the paradigm has created, we cannot question his ineptness in the relationship let alone lack of so called manhood. This is just a mirage and distraction from the real issues.

More often than not, you should be weary of a man being friends with an ex. If there are children involved, it is understandable if they are friendly. You should be for the sake of children. While your relationship might not have been stable, you need to create a stable ground for the children.

But if the ex is regularly irking in without these factors, beware. This is a woman who is readying to do his dirty work upon the break up. She will too as as they are all tethered to the paradigm. He is the evil man behind the curtain and they are his demonic workers ready to torture you on command, and ready to again be a mirage to a larger social issue.

My view on DV is this, that the issue is not in fact with the fathers but with the mothers. Many times, women are taught to be more demure and kind in relationships. This means not standing up for themselves. When men with weaker mothers meet women who are willing to oppose them, this becomes too much for their challenged manhood. Therefore they lash out physically and emotionally.

I remember once as a kid I got into a fight with my brother about the clicker. (This dates me I know). My brother hit me because we were kids and sometimes you hit your siblings, it's what you do when you are 8 and 10. My mom came down on my brother like bloody hell fire. She said, "You have to do all your sister's chores. You could have hurt her."

When my brother protested, my mom informed him, "Someday that will be a girlfriend or wife. You will get in big trouble if you settle your disputes that way."

But the bigger issue is that we are so married to gender construct. This is why there is so much homophobia and transphobia. Because the LGBTQ crushes the straight cisgender construct. Actually this is for the best. Because gay relationships are much more equal than straight ones. Someone isn't always asserting their dominance and ultimately wanting the upper hand because of what is or isn't between their legs. While they have issues like every couple does, there is not the issue of gender dominance.

I find that many straight men accuse lesbians of "man hating" because they reject the notion of straight sex. Really and truly, these women experience sexism and homophobia at once. There are some who are on the defensive because they have been bullied by small minded cisgender men who don't realize that this is a situation where their manhood is not needed and it isn't personal.

A lot of cisgender straight women accuse butch lesbians of "not trying to be beautiful" because they don't wear dresses or makeup like such things make a woman beautiful. It's not wit, personality, or style. It's the clothes she wears and the man she fucks. YIKES! In my experience many butch women are the most beautiful people I have ever met inward and outward.

Then there is the transphobia that you have to be the gender you were born even if the gender doesn't fit who you are. You need to fit into the box of the social construct. Transfolk crush the social construct. They have found a way around it. They embrace fluidity. We should all in my opinion. I am not saying there is anything wrong with being straight and cis, but don't be so married to performing the roles you are given to the point where it makes you a toxic, bigoted, bully boy/girl asshole.

This post was in part inspired by a male comedian who wrote in effect that if women comedians market themselves as sexy they deserve to be disrespected by creepy bookers and harassed. It made me angry. Like the Harvey Weinstein victims deserved that predator as well. This is the straight patriarchy who serves and promotes rape culture and this idiot was just their facebook messenger.

In closing, Kleopatra killed herself because Augustus Caesar was going to take her captive. She didn't want to be his prisoner in chains and would not let that vicious patriarch win. Shakespeare tells it as a love story between her and Mark Anthony. This is the historical falsehood society has embraced because it makes Kleopatra in need of a man because therefore she is more feminine. If the truth were told, she would come from a position of strength. And that position of strength would be one more thing to challenge the patriarchy.

So yes, here is a sexy photo of myself that I took with my consent. It's red lingerie. Some will hate this blog and say I deserve to be assaulted. Others will hate me. Either way, I am not your prisoner in chains mutherfuckers. So take that rape culture, take it around your bloody fucking neck.



April Unwrapped