Saturday, October 29, 2011

Spooky Snowflakes

This year it is snowing on Halloween. It has been the first year it has snowed since The Civil War in NYC. And it snows on Halloween weekend. It will be a site to see all those slutty costumes in the snow. All those slutty ghostbuster hookersque gets ups complete with prostitute pumps trying to combat the slush. When the hell did Halloween, the day of the damned, become a festival for sex? Granted it is undead sex but still it is supposed to be scary. Then again in past years some of those fishnets look like the Nantucket Oyster Haul so nevermind.
I feel like I have been going crazy lately too. This past week I have just felt nuts. Part of it is that I do a weekly show on called Confessions. I love producing my show and I cannot say enough wonderful things about my younow family. I also love my regulars and I love writing bits. I love how people from all over the world call in.
However when I produce a show I don’t go half assed. Since I have been small I have dreamed of having my own talk show and being at the top of that field. I spent my teen years producing and hosting a cable access show. In my twenties I did standup and a lot of on camera stuff and about a year ago even co-hosted a show on Shovio. I got to work under the legendary Leslie Gold who as I always say taught me a lot. The host I worked with reassured me of what I didn’t want to be as far as a host went. Not to mention I became a good standup emcee and hosted a weekly open mic where comedians always felt welcome. Needless to say this is another step up the ladder therefore I want it to be good. I spend all week lining people up making sure they know to call in and when. I also spend the week planning my segments and who is coming on. I also maintain our fanpage and post on it every few hours. Then there is the scouting of the musical guests. On top of that I reassure everyone that just because the show is called Confessions does not mean you have to tell everyone that you had a Debbie Does Dallas weekend if you feel it would endanger your job working with children but rather you can share a joy or a dream with us too. Oh and then there is the technology. I want to do the best job for not only my fans but the site of itself. The worst part is, even when I do a good show there are a million things I could have done better. I know.
On top of that I have been promoting the costume contest ad nauseum. I have emailed people up the hilt about the Confessions costume and scary story contest. And then when I am on air I mention it. One of the old interns David who still keeps up with the site asked me, “So I heard you had a show on younow.” I told him yes and gave him the spiel. Then he said, “I know April, I was being sarcastic.” I had to take a breath. I just want a good turn out that’s all. Then again I was the girl who made the fifteen page outlines in high school. I am nuts. I will promote myself until I die.
On top of that I have been delivering a lot of singing telegrams. Yes, every day is Halloween for me kiddies. So you can dress up this weekend and give Mama some time off. Anyho, I did a telegram this week that was last, last minute. Luckily the girl liked it. Tonight I was a birthday cake showgirl to a strip. That was fun. While I was grateful for the work I was not grateful for the slush and rain. Plus it was cold. I was supposed to go to a friend’s Halloween party but when I got home from Queens I was soaked and so was my birthday cake show girl get up. Currently I am getting a bubble bath ready. But the telegrams are picking up which is not only nice for me but nice for you because it means the economy is recovering.
In between all that I have been booking guests on my show and you would be surprised at how many people cannot read directions. Then they just send you weird photos of themselves. Then you offer to give them a gig and some of these fools are a step away from the looney bin or freak show depending on the day or lack of medication and they tell you that you aren’t good enough for them. Either way, I wish I had a button on my keyboard that turned into a mallet so I could beat these fools.
When I am too tired to move I have been watching a lot of scary movies. Maybe that’s what’s been making me go crazy. About a year ago around this time I lost my friend Roger. We were not on speaking terms around the time he died. Roger was at one time one of the biggest pushers of crystal meth in the city and he was highly regarded in the LGBTQ ball subculture at one point. But unfortunately drugs made him a different person and we had a falling out over what he was doing and the choices he was making. This past week I thought I saw him on several different occasions crossing the street. By the Chanel glasses I could have sworn it was him. To boot my door was jammed earlier this week and one of Roger’s favorite tricks was screwing with people’s locks. I attribute it to my building being old and my head not being on straight.
Then last night I go to sleep and I get a visit from another dead friend Joe. I had gotten to know Joe in 2010 and Joe too had struggled with drug abuse as Roger had. However Joe was Roger’s polar opposite. He was more introspective, quiet, studious, and dedicated to a fault. Plus if you let Joe in your house you didn’t run the risk of getting anything stolen. Not to mention he was a talented artist, set dresser and a personal shopper. While Roger would put you down with a snap Joe was more like a dad or a big brother, his words were pointed and chosen and he would most certainly let you know you were being an idiot. I had rightfully been on the receiving end when he was alive a few times and I knew it was because he cared. Plus he got me to write my book. Anyway in my dream last night he appeared to me and told me that I needed to slow down or else I was going to have a melt down. And that I was not to go to bed at three in the morning anymore but rather at normal time and I was to eat sensibly. Joe also told me he was well rested and at peace which made me feel good. He was his usual Joe self and that’s why I had that “Holy shit” feeling when I woke up. Who knows? Maybe it was a visit from my dead friend or maybe it was my subconscious? Either way, it was good advice and I actually took it today.
Today was the crux of creepy when I got four hang up calls from a blocked number. I don’t know who it could be. But dead friends and horror movies make this a creepy climax. The ex who did that trick has long since moved on whether he has wanted to or not. And from the looks of it is doing okay. I don’t begrudge this guy and hope life is treating him well, he had never had a break before. Of course it’s not the whacky ambassadors son from this summer. He’s found a new woman too. Then it’s most definitely not my famous quasi-boyfriend. When he calls under a blocked number he wants to hear himself talk. I don’t think it’s his love child and disgruntled baby mama. They seem to have found other people to needle. So the mystery remains……(Insert Spooky sound).
Either way tune into Confessions on this Sunday from 8-10 pm EST. Best Costume and best Scary Story both win fifty dollars. See you there. Xo April

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