Monday, October 17, 2011

Mama Foxx's Mail Bag

Ask a Superfoxxx, my new advice column. Ask me here, read my response and then I will read and respond then on Confessions on's talk channel from 8-10 PM EST every Sunday night

Dear Mama Foxxx,
I am sixteen years old and recently came out as gay. My stepfather is okay with this but my mother is going ballistic to the point where she throws things. I showed her RuPaul’s drag race so she would get an idea of what my life was like and she lost her mind. How do I make her homophobia fade?
Gay and Confused

Dear Gay and Confused,
As a long time GLBTQ advocate I can tell you that if my child came out and told me RuPaul’s drag race would be what his life was like I would lose my damn mind. Frankly, my head would explode. Your mother is not homophobic in the least. She wants to see you well adjusted and happy no matter who you chose to date. That being said, take her to an event at your local gay and lesbian center. Introduce her to your friends who are doing well there. Show her that you are on the track to being a well adjusted person who can hold down a job and pay his bills and not tell strangers about his mangina. Also hold off on the drag culture until she gets used to the idea of you being gay. Congrats on having the courage to be yourself in a world that isn’t always so welcoming and good for you for knowing you were born this way. Good luck on your journey.

Dear Mama Foxxx's,

My love life is in the toilet.  I just want to find a nice guy who will treat me like a queen.  Is that too much to as for?  I am 28 and have been in a string of relationships and I am looking to find a man that I can click with and become best friends and lovers with.  Then eventually husband and wife and parents.  But, I feel the dating scene  is so challenging.  I joined a dating website and constantly get guys who ask me sex questions the second I start chatting with me.  I want something lasting after the sheets get messed up!

What can I do?


Dear Ashley,

By what I am reading and what you are telling me it seems like you are doing what is whoring yourself out for love. You are sleeping with these guys right away and being surprised when Prince Charming magically disappears. Truth be told, most men are on their best behavior until they sleep with you. Until one hits the sheets with you, they are on their best behavior. They are willing to wine and dine because they want 69. However, I would tell you one thing. WAIT TO SLEEP WITH THEM. That way you can have something to build on. A house built on cement is more likely to stand than a house built on mud. As for the dating site’s what are you putting on your profile to let these guys know it is okay to talk to you this way? These guys aren’t being sleazy on their own. You are letting them know it’s okay to say sexually explicit things to you and ask you these questions. Maybe change the wording on your profile saying you are looking for a life mate. That scares most sleazy guys looking to hit and run away. Lastly, you are only twenty eight. It’s not like it’s time to move to the Isle of White with six cats because you haven’t found a man. Ask yourself why you are so desperate to find love? What about loving yourself first? When a woman seems independent and not in need of a guy she seems much more sexy. Lastly, good for you for knowing what you want. And also, know before you find a prince you must kiss a lot of frogs and learn a lot of painful lessons. But now that you know what you want, don’t go to the China shop settling for anything less. Love Mama Foxxx

Dear April,
I am seeing a girl who is absolutely lovely. I love her and she is currently in her second year of law school. The problem is, her sister. This woman has been to rehab six times, jail twice, and has two kids to two different men. To make matters worse she brings her latest beau from the local jail to my gf’s family gatherings. And my gf feels bad for her big sis so sometimes she lets her come on dates. I hate this woman. Signed, I Hate My Future Sister in Law
Dear I Hate My Future Sister in Law,
WOW! I want to say you can pick your lovers but you can’t pick your loved ones. Unfortunately you are going to have to learn to get along with this trainwreck. Sure you may want to smack her in the head but you have to learn to grin and bear, illegitimate children and all. This means holding your tongue and even being nice to her degenerates. I have family members like this myself and it is tough, however, they come with the package and your gf isn’t going to side with you if you diss her. Also, your potential sister in law, I hate to say it, is not a bad person. Rather she is very sick. She has the disease of addiction. That is why she does the drugs, tests the legal system, is in and out of rehab, dates men who probably beat her up and otherwise does not have her shit together. Until there is divine intervention or the universe kicks her in the backside, she will continue this way. Unfortunately it is very sad to see. For as tough as it is, you must accept that she is not evil but sick and you must have COMPASSION. This means treating her like a human being and not judging her. When you do this she will be easier to deal with. Lastly, you need to put up a boundary with your girlfriend. Bringing her sister on dates is not appropriate no matter how sorry she feels for the woman. Her codependency issues with her sister are her business and not yours. Rather the next time she does this explain, “Baby, this is my time with you. And when I go on a date with you I want it to be with you.” Translated, two’s company, threes a crowd. Good luck with your new dysfunctional potential inlaws/outlaws. Love Mama Foxxx

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