Monday, November 26, 2012

Craigslist Ads From Hell

These were real ads I saw on the CL throughout the years. Sometimes you just need to remember these experiences so that you can move forward with your life and keep laughing. And by the way, these ads unfortunately are word for word. 

1. Models needed to demonstrate erotic massage for couples. While the job does not require sex or groping, models will be required to be naked.

2. Topless bartender needed for event. Elite businessmen. We are not creeps, just Europeans looking to have a good time.

3. I am a businessman looking to spoil a struggling actress or student. It is a sugar daddy/sugar baby arrangement. We meet once a week. Serious inquiries only.

4. Discounted rent for a special lady struggling to make it. I am a man with an obscene amount of wealth looking for the right woman and a casual romantic relationship. I am not creepy and will not press for sex right away.

5. I am a businessman who has a certain fetish, and that fetish is to see a beautiful female vegetarian urinate and defecate in front of me. I will not do anything nasty to you, I will just keep your waste in plastic bags for my own amusement.

6. Are you disabled or seriously physically deformed and have you ever dreamed of being a model? If that is the case our fashion show wants you. It's this Saturday in the Bronx.

7. Midget Mud Wrestlers Wanted For Bar in Queens. Serious inquiries only.

8. Are you a woman who has been a victim of rape, incest, or abuse? Look no further. Here is an opportunity to earn fifty dollars an hour and revenge against men as a dominitrix. I will be your slave and will be in bondage while you whip me and work out your PTSD through aggression. What do you say ladies?

9. Have you had a love affair with a famous spirit from the 18th or 18th century, and insist their being deceased didn't interfere with your love life? If so we want to hear from you.

10. Ebony Escorts, save and discreet, looking for girls to start working ASAP. It's a great way to make money ladies.

Reply with a few of your own. I know you have them.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Available on Amazon

Come to my Book Signing
December 27th 2012 @ 7pm
Bethel Park Public Library
5100 W. Library Ave
Bethel Park, PA


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