thursday

I havent blogged in a few days because I have been busy. The book is one step closer to being published. The edits are almost done, now I am searching for the perfect indie publisher. Many are the same, and then it’s the glossy pics. My mom and I were discussing it the other day. Which one do I go with? The decision must be made by this weekend. I have so much to do and just don’t feel like doing any of it. So weird that way.

I don’t feel like researching online publishers. I don’t feel like paying someone. I just don’t.

Then I have to make a video for this ventriloquist scholarship thing. They make you say why you should win. Meanwhile, I have been compared to the guy who’s name it is in on National TV. They already said I had a long way to go before I would equal him. Shouldn’t that be enough? I sent a video demonstrating my skill, but they didn’t tell me my video needed to say why I should win.

Cause I am broke. My money goes to my puppet children. Maybe that’s why I should win.

I went to my first open mic in sometime Tuesday. It was good to see some old friends. There were some new faces. I have basically been going just to test out new stuff with puppets other than May Wilson. May is down pat, now lets get ready for Vegas. I really don’t care as much as I used to about making friends and getting booked on shows. I am just going to stay sharp. I am also going to places where I like the hosts and know I am amongst friends. I am almost a big ticket item, I have had some hefty National TV Time. That way, if something doesn’t hit the way I want, I don’t have everyone gawking at me. Some of the reason I laid off a lot of mics was after I was on TV a bunch people went on various message boards and talked about what routines I was working out and wasn’t. That way, I didn’t have the option to pick and choose which jokes I wanted or didn’t want. Plus they were doing it in a malicious fashion, and why waste my money with no ones when the bigger clubs shun me to begin with? So I am only going to places where I know I am safe, where I can work things out, and where I don’t have to face the bully boy mentality that the NYC Comedy Scene perpetuates towards women.

Actually, in a way it has been humbling just to work on new stuff too. For as much as I have done, and for as much fan mail as I have received in regards to my videos and webcasts, I know there is still a lot of work to be done. My newest character, Mom, is getting a good start but I want a live club act with her. She is still not where I want her. Not nearly. The nice thing is, I know the game, I know what to do. If I tank it’s part of the process. I am in a safe place where it doesn’t matter. I am being gentle with myself.

While it’s a little ego deflating that the hype surrounding some of my TV time has dissipated, it’s made it easier just to work and stay under the radar as far as fashioning new routines is concerned. I did not one but two mics yesterday. For as nice as being on the Today Show is, and for as nice as it is to have everyone kissing my ass and taking photos with me, it was nice to just get onstage and work out kinks. While I keep telling myself that I am not like ninety eight percent of the people there, probably received more national television time than they will ever dream of, at the same time I am just working out like everyone else. The best part is, the pressure is off because no one important is watching.

Because standup is no longer the goal, I am not busting my ass to get stage time like the old days. While I resent paying for it, and if I were a male comedian with the same amount of credits I probably would not have to, it’s still okay. I feel a bizarre sort of peace amidst the ego deflation. While I feel the need to tell myself I am more accomplished than everyone there, I don’t feel the need to prove it. If anything, I am there to stay sharp in case I get a cameo on National TV, my specialty, or am called to make a commercial/video.

That’s more my goal these days. I don’t care about standup superstardom. In reality, the days of standup superstardom are dead. Most shows want improvisers, and most so called superstars in the community are not known outside of NYC. If a club spot happens, it happens. Otherwise, whatever. I am not dealing with the male dominated community, one that encourages jokes where women are the physical and metaphorical punch, unless there is money or opportunity for substantial career growth involved.

Eh, but being onstage is fun though. Especially with my favorite people, my puppet children.

As for the music, I was number one last week and submitted “Stay” to be played on a much bigger station. While the single has garnered a life of it’s own without me really doing much, I am being realistic. I know I am not a musical genius like my cousin Bobby, nor can I sing like Leslie and Lynn from Big Apple. But I have a song that charted on the internet radio. When it comes to comedy, I know what to do next. Same with acting. Same with writing. But this music thing is baffling me. For some reason though, for as much as I tend to suck at music, it has always been a part of the story. From high school on down. I am asking God for guidance as to what to do next. This is awesome and I want to keep the momentum going, even if it’s a one time thing.

This is why I support music education.

Anyway, I will be doing a Panic Girl double feature next week. This weekend is going to be spent finding the best publishing service for me.

Writing and publishing a book are hard

More sexy photos to come soon

Love April