I am so stressed. This weekend I have to pick a self publishing house and submit my manuscript. I want to pick the right one for my baby. All these houses are located all over the place. If I make a mistake it will be a costly one. This weekend I have to get my manuscript back from my editor. Then Monday it will be off to the press. I am so looking forward to having this over and done with. When it goes to print I swear to God I am having a triple chocolate fudge sundae with anyone who will take me. Seriously....
Crawdaddy has made the International Puppet Carnival which makes me happy. It's a festival credit. I am not a big festival person. Some of it is that I never have a decent tape to submit, another is that festivals are so damn political. They want people in a certain kind of mold, that are boring TV friendly acts. Meanwhile, most of the people at those damn festivals go no where. I actually accidentally wandered into one once, and believe it or not was denied which was strange-not even considered-even though when it came to this particular site I was their most prolific blogger easily. Still, if I got into one I would go.
I have to do a video for this thing this weekend and am so lazy I dont want to do it. There are so many things I don't want to do. Actually, I want to do the video but it would have been done had my youtube not been a slag. My friend is doing it though for me which makes me happy. Still, I feel like people should just give me awards and stuff.
I know, entitled.
I just feel like I work harder than everyone else. I probably actually do. Realistically, many people who are getting breaks now are just getting lucky. They don't work as hard as I do. Most of the male comedians most certainly never did. It is like I always have a boulder on my shoulder. When I started I was young, I was a woman, I had puppets. A respected (male) manager told me that there would be three strikes against me as far as getting into the clubs went. I thought being talented and hardworking would conquer all.
Wrong. Now that I put one club on TV and made sure my network donated moolah making them more money in one foul swoop than they make in three days they thanked me by firing me. Talented and hardworking don't mean shit in the male dominated world of standup.
I have been getting back onstage lately though. I have been going to mics where I know I am amongst friends because as I said in a previous blog I am sort of known. It's crazy how for as uneven as my new routine is, I feel safe in a bar basement amidst a bunch of men making dick jokes. The more I get up and work it out the better I feel. For as much as the male strata of this subculture is threatened by intelligence and success, especially coming from a woman, I am not there to be their friends. If it happens fine. Plus many are friends anyway so it's a good place just to kick it. Sometimes, some of the folks there have followed my career and such and look up to me which is sort of nice too. Plus since standup isn't the goal anymore the pressure is off. If I tank, fine.
I have still been on Entertainment Tonight. Ninety nine percent of those people will never get to see the inside of that studio. Does that make me a member of the one percent?
Te he he.
I talked to Tico from FJS and "Stay" will chart but it won't be number one this week. Part of me is bummed, part of me is still thrilled I even charted in the first place. I submitted "Stay" to a very high profile music company. They will get back to me soon. I have no clue what comes next but there might be some terrestrial air play on a smaller station. If I get to be a part of this high profile thing that would be awesome. In some ways, "Stay" has gained a sort of momentum of it's own without me doing a damn thing. For years I banged and slaved as an actress. I put up with the world of standup comedy, allied with sexism on the part of the men involved and extreme jealousy on the part of the females. And now here I am, music. While I have never chased after it music has always seemingly found me. From my high school musical days, to college where I loved my voice class, to my singing telegram job, and now, an internet charting dance hit.
While I know I cannot sing as well as many and am not as skilled as both my cousins Bobby and Christopher, I have the internet dance hit. Damnit, keep your fingers crossed for me.
It also makes me wonder if I wasted my time in the comedy clubs. Should I have gone down this path sooner? Eh, it has heartache of it's own.
Last night I received an IM from a fan that was fabulous. He asked if I gave in and gave up my puppet children.
My reply, never would I ever give up my little puppet children. It's my puppet children, my poppyseeds, and myself against the world.
Love,
April
Crawdaddy has made the International Puppet Carnival which makes me happy. It's a festival credit. I am not a big festival person. Some of it is that I never have a decent tape to submit, another is that festivals are so damn political. They want people in a certain kind of mold, that are boring TV friendly acts. Meanwhile, most of the people at those damn festivals go no where. I actually accidentally wandered into one once, and believe it or not was denied which was strange-not even considered-even though when it came to this particular site I was their most prolific blogger easily. Still, if I got into one I would go.
I have to do a video for this thing this weekend and am so lazy I dont want to do it. There are so many things I don't want to do. Actually, I want to do the video but it would have been done had my youtube not been a slag. My friend is doing it though for me which makes me happy. Still, I feel like people should just give me awards and stuff.
I know, entitled.
I just feel like I work harder than everyone else. I probably actually do. Realistically, many people who are getting breaks now are just getting lucky. They don't work as hard as I do. Most of the male comedians most certainly never did. It is like I always have a boulder on my shoulder. When I started I was young, I was a woman, I had puppets. A respected (male) manager told me that there would be three strikes against me as far as getting into the clubs went. I thought being talented and hardworking would conquer all.
Wrong. Now that I put one club on TV and made sure my network donated moolah making them more money in one foul swoop than they make in three days they thanked me by firing me. Talented and hardworking don't mean shit in the male dominated world of standup.
I have been getting back onstage lately though. I have been going to mics where I know I am amongst friends because as I said in a previous blog I am sort of known. It's crazy how for as uneven as my new routine is, I feel safe in a bar basement amidst a bunch of men making dick jokes. The more I get up and work it out the better I feel. For as much as the male strata of this subculture is threatened by intelligence and success, especially coming from a woman, I am not there to be their friends. If it happens fine. Plus many are friends anyway so it's a good place just to kick it. Sometimes, some of the folks there have followed my career and such and look up to me which is sort of nice too. Plus since standup isn't the goal anymore the pressure is off. If I tank, fine.
I have still been on Entertainment Tonight. Ninety nine percent of those people will never get to see the inside of that studio. Does that make me a member of the one percent?
Te he he.
I talked to Tico from FJS and "Stay" will chart but it won't be number one this week. Part of me is bummed, part of me is still thrilled I even charted in the first place. I submitted "Stay" to a very high profile music company. They will get back to me soon. I have no clue what comes next but there might be some terrestrial air play on a smaller station. If I get to be a part of this high profile thing that would be awesome. In some ways, "Stay" has gained a sort of momentum of it's own without me doing a damn thing. For years I banged and slaved as an actress. I put up with the world of standup comedy, allied with sexism on the part of the men involved and extreme jealousy on the part of the females. And now here I am, music. While I have never chased after it music has always seemingly found me. From my high school musical days, to college where I loved my voice class, to my singing telegram job, and now, an internet charting dance hit.
While I know I cannot sing as well as many and am not as skilled as both my cousins Bobby and Christopher, I have the internet dance hit. Damnit, keep your fingers crossed for me.
It also makes me wonder if I wasted my time in the comedy clubs. Should I have gone down this path sooner? Eh, it has heartache of it's own.
Last night I received an IM from a fan that was fabulous. He asked if I gave in and gave up my puppet children.
My reply, never would I ever give up my little puppet children. It's my puppet children, my poppyseeds, and myself against the world.
Love,
April
No comments:
Post a Comment