Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The Moon

One of my side jobs is reading palms and tarot. I rarely talk about it or do it for that matter, because once you profess that you can read palms or tarot you are subject to all sorts of crap. There are the people who say, “If you can read palm or tarot when will I win the lotto?” Or they tell you no for the sake of telling you no. Worse yet, you are hitting the nail on the head and they want to know answers to heavy questions like the health of a loved one.
Or then there is the classic, “Why can’t you see into your own damn future?”
That’s a good question. Wish I could. When one reads their own cards they cannot see clearly. It can drive a person nuts. For example, the Romani woman who taught me the ins and outs of reading people is currently homeless because she couldn’t see that her landlord was crazy, however, she helped one woman through a terrible divorce and saw that her husband was going to drag her through the mud.
But I wish I could see into my own future. Then I wouldn’t be questioning what to do next. There is the acting track. While I went to school for it and have been doing more of it this past year than ever, there are many women who are actresses in this city and many who are gorgeous and talented. Not to mention they want someone who is straight theatre, even though I can act better than a lot of those bitches. Still, boring and hollow is what they want sometimes. Make that stupid, boring and hollow women.
Of course there is the comedy track, the one I used to give my life and youth to. After being fucked over by a club I made a lot of money for and put their name front and center on The Today Show (would love to see their headlines do that), they fired me. Plus no bigger clubs opened the doors to me, and I was shunned in a community I so thought I was a part of. I am really past the point where I should be paying for stage time and am definitely passed bringing. While I love performing live and I am good at it, I always leave pissed. I would love to see some of these (predominately male) comedians who appeared on some stupid assed cancelled show get as much TV time as my puppet children and I. What I am trying to say is, it would take a lot for me to return like I once did to comedy, aka a promising TV spot and the need to prep. Otherwise, I have better things to do with my time. God I could go on all day.
Then there is music, a door that opened wide for me this past year. “Stay” was number one this past week on FJS Radio. After charting number one on a highly regarded indie station, I don’t know what to do next. Heck, before I even recorded “Stay,” I had “Jungle Woman,” “Shuttlecock,” and “Ms. Wannabe” getting indie airplay as well. While I have worked for years as a singing telegram person, I never dreamed of recording music and putting it on the airwaves. Now I have a song that charted. I am literally feeling my way in the dark, not knowing what to do next. While “Stay,” is getting airplay and charting online, I want it to go on Billboard. I don’t know what to do. On the other hand, I also know that there are many pursuing music who actually can sing rings around me and can play instruments. While I can sell a song better than anyone I know, there are those like my cousin Bobby Kircher who master an instrument the second they pick it up because they are so gifted. I know I am just a reality star trying to gain momentum for my puppet children and I. People like my cousin will trump me any day, as they should, and that’s fine; they have the gift.
Of course there is the idea of getting on Reality TV again. My puppet children and I do love our spotlight. However, I don’t want to become a Reality TV jumper. There are many people who only set out to be reality stars now, and many actually nauseate me. The women are vapid and believe they can sing, only to trill off tune. If I did a reality show, it would have to be geared towards people like me, not some flipped out challenge.
Then there was the web jockey gig I had. While that ended, well, the way it ended, I have been approached by their rival network time and time again. Sure, it is a better deal and gives me more freedom of speech, plus they like my puppet children, they have not talked about money. It’s their fancy way of getting out of paying me. I would love to web jockey again, but I want to be paid well and be on a network that supports me, and gives me support when there are cyber bullies in the chat. Not a place where they cut out the mods and stop advertising to cut costs. Not to mention not a place that wants to hide my show because we are not sponsor friendly aka we have gay people.
There is the writing road which is opening up. My editor is a nice lady, and there have been some delays on my manuscript due to her familial emergencies. However, I am looking forward to having my ebook published. I also have recently gotten another offer to write a YA, Young Adult, book. We are still ironing out the details like money and plot. I think once I am a published novelist doors will open for me. Just like my performance, my writing is not for everyone so beware.
Lets not forget modeling. But most of the time they only want you if you are five seven or have big tits. And if you are asked to shoot topless they don’t want to pay you. That’s the kind of gig that could end up with a girl on a meat hook.
Lastly, there are my videos. I will be making more soon. That is a promising door, I just need to get a better mic.
I entitled this blog The Moon, because the moon card is tarot means emotions are muddying your view and confusing you as where to go. It means you are questioning yourself. When the moon appears in a positive place, it means the path you have chosen is right for you, and just to follow the light of the moon. Translated, calm down.
It also signifies that sometimes, the beauty of the future is the surprise; it’s not knowing. Heck, back in 2007, the surprise was that May and I were on Last Comic Standing. Then in 2008, the surprise was that my Rachael Ray clip made the Soup. While it seemed humiliating at the time, it actually was  a blessing in disguise, because it gave more momentum to the TV appearance. In 2009, the blessing was being called to shoot a promo for Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? Not only did my part make the cut, but I got to meet and work with Jeff Foxworthy who was wonderful. Then when 2010 came, the surprise was breaking away from standup a bit, branching out, and making my little puppet videos with celebrities. I also spent that summer writing a book; one that I am now publishing. Not to mention I filmed with my puppet children and got on TLC as well as the Today Show and other programs.
Unfortunately, I didn’t see myself getting fucked over by the club I put on National TV and made so much money for.
On the other hand I made lots of videos, got a talking head gig that was paid, got music that was played on the radio, and made two more TV appearances on both the Travel Channel and Bravo. Not to mention I got to work with someone whom I admire.  Plus I became active in activism, te he he.
This past year although I left the online network and havent been doing as much comedy, I was on CBS Sports and the OWN Network. Not to mention my song charted and people write me fan mail because of my videos. Oh and I am a spokesperson for a campaign.
The beauty of all these things is that I didn’t have the script. I didn’t know and that’s what made this all more wonderful. I don’t know what is next for me but I am in a good place. I don’t know the next step, but I know with some thought and hard work the universe will send it my way. As a human, I want the answer now.
I know the moon is my card, therefore I will trust God and His magic fairy dust to guide my way. Cause the next thing, no matter what it is, will be good.

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