Sunday, May 27, 2012


This Sunday I went to a new church. It's RC, but Croatian. I sort of lean towards that sometimes seeing that one of my priests growing up was Croatian. The mass was quick, and the priest moved it along. There was no music which made things move even faster, which is nice. A family sat in front of me. They were cute for the most part. The littlest one tried to open the door going into the church and couldn't reach it. It seems when you are small, the only one who doesn't know that you are small is you. When a person is small, they long to be big. Then when you are big you long to be small.

Life is strange that way.

I have so many things to do and just don't feel like doing them. This summer I want to go to Vent Haven, and I am applying for the Terry Fator Scholarship. They want me to make a video talking about why I should get it. Can't you just give it to me because Jerry Springer said I would never be the ventriloquist you are? Can't you just give it to me because my puppet children are cute? I also have to do work on my book. I am so close to completion but just feel tired of all the work I have to do. Then of course with the recent success of "Stay" I have to see where else it can go.

On top of that I am sort of starting to book spots again. I should probably get some stage time, but am struggling to find a place where I don't have to pay for it, and won't be bumped by those simply on Comedy Central once upon a time but really have done nothing since. For as much as I miss performing like I used to, the heartache that goes with it isn't worth it. The only times I perform these days are if I like the venue/club, if one of my fans is producing, or if there is money involved.

Especially if there is money involved. I will be there.

I have been wandering aimlessly seeing that I haven't been on TV in a little over two months. Despite the fact so many voted for "Stay," I feel as if all my fans have disappeared. I have been trying to break into modelling, but they only want you if you are five seven or if you will pose topless for free.

I have also been looking for a new web network. The rival of my old one wanted to recruit me but doesn't want to pay me. Big problem.

I am in a precarious place. The next move on the chess board is critical. I am almost a superstar. What should I move to kill the King?The Knight or the Queen? Questions.

Oh well, maybe I will enjoy the sun. Meeting a friend for coffee in a bit anyway xoxo April

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