Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Nutcase of the Day

I had a woman make some puppets for me a few years ago who was a bit of a nut. This lady designed May for me actually as well as Mom. Well Mom was supposed to be another May but she messed it up. Plus Mom’s eye kept popping off. Anyway, while she was a religious fanatic she was a great puppet designer, when she was on task. So recently I wrote to her to have a new May designed because May Wilson needs upgraded. I didn’t hear. I assumed she was busy with the holidays. So I wrote her back to see what was up on her facbook wall. This was her reply:

I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. I've been trying to decide how to respond to your inquiry. So here's the deal --- I've seen some of your stuff online, the videos on You-Tube etc. And I'm bothered by the nature of your humor, the off-color jokes and such that are just offensive to me. And while I respect your right to do your show any way you want, and I'm sure that there are plenty of people who find irreverence and foul language funny, I'm not one of them. It bothers me that puppets I have made are being used so disrespectfully. So I am sorry I can't help you, but I am declining the opportunity to contribute any further to your show, and will not be making any more puppets for you.

First off, I was a very high profile client of hers and she listed me as a success story on her website. Satan didn’t bother her that much when I was getting on TV. Did you finally find God when I started branching out and using other designers? Also, what the hell are you talking about? I am a comedian and a member of the secular world. While sometimes my mother would like me to be cleaner, I am hardly the worst of the worst when it comes to be being a guttermouth. Again, I will not apologize for being a member of the secular world. Yes, the secular world where we believe that humans descended from apes and there is fossil evidence to back this up. The secular world where dinosaurs are explained. The secular world where we realize stem cell research saves lives. The secular world where a woman’s right to choose is her right and we realize no matter what she is backed up against the wall. The secular world where we realize homosexuality is not a choice but rather the way a person is born, and that person pays taxes and works and should not be treated as a second class citizen. Need I go on?
This past election has shown that the way of thinking of this Christian nutcases is dying and fast-thank God. She can say whatever she wants about me and my brand of humor. I will also keep in mind she believes God created Earth one day out of boredom and poof made the Garden of Eden complete with a naked woman, a naked dude, and a talking snake. Sounds like a Disney movie. And not to mention she champions it to be taught in schools.  And Christian nutcase would probably be the ultimate hypocrite in any sort of disaster situation.
Sure my brand of humor might be “offensive.” My use of her puppets might be “disrespectful.” But I have used my videos to speak out against bullying, hate, homophobia, sexism, an end to HIV/AIDS discrimination, and to advocate for children who survived one of the worst shootings in American history. I am not terribly religious but I think Jesus would have been more likely to have championed that than a searing letter to a good customer. That is why as long as we are measuring who is the better person, I think I am winning. Wait, it is not a contest. I don't do good deeds in order to get attentions from others. I do them because they are right. This woman would do them because there was something to gain.
Maybe it’s better I am not using her. She was nuts anyway. I thanked her for all she had done for me and then wished her a Happy New Year and said I knew I couldn’t change her mind. Fine. I hope she finds peace. I hope God or whatever fuels her delusions continues to guide her. I hope she realizes that I am not referring anymore people to her crazy ass. 

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Available as a paperback and ebook on Amazon
Portion of proceeds go to the children of Sandy Hook


  1. nothing like haters..keep on keepin on.

  2. I agree. But its funny how you said nake dude

  3. Thanks guys. This was so extreme it deserves a special award. I was nice to this lady, referred my mother and sister. I put her work on national television. And this is how she treats me. I feel a little burned but I will move on. I just have to remember James Brown spoke to Jesus and it lead him on a high speed chase that ended in jail time. Maybe this lady just needs love and prayer