Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Cat Coat Fur

Once when I was watching Black Adder there was the episode where Rowan Atkinson got elected to The House of Lords and wore a coat only to discover that it was made out of cat. There were the tags for Mr. Frisky, Mr. Binx and you name it they were there. Cats, dead cats. That is the only kind of cat that is worth anything in my opinion. Just kidding. Maybe it is because I am allergic to the creatures.

I got a kind reminder of that this past summer. A sound engineer I work with was house sitting and we ended hanging out. Anyway, his friend had several cats and there was cat hair everywhere. Suddenly my eyes welled up and all I could do was sneeze and wheeze and look like hell. Mr. Frisky, Mr. Binx and perhaps even Snowball had their revenge for the atrocious joke in the last paragraph I wrote. Damn those cats.

When I came home for winter break I drove past a China King Buffet I frequented as a child with my family when my mother was too tired to cook. Supposedly they served cat. Looking back, I think it was the prevalent xenophobia in my town speaking. But the rumor spread and within a few months they were out of business. But maybe it was true. Maybe I accidentally ate the likes of the House of Frisky, Binx, and Snowball. Maybe this past summer-The Park Slope Incident-was their revenge.

I have to be kinder to animals I suppose. This past summer I went out to eat with my cousin, aunt and uncle to my cousin's favorite eatery in Greenpoint. When we got there I ordered rabbit because I had never had it. I made a joke about my cousin's decease pet bunny and said technically I was eating Midnight. While Midnight had passed long ago, it was a cruel, dark joke but they laughed. Midnight had been only a few months old when she passed from a brain tumor. Poor thing. But still, I have an evil streak. Well Midnight decided she was cursing me from beyond. Brain tumor or not, she had gotten her revenge because I got food poisoning. Serves me right for picking on a dead rabbit. They are slippery creatures. Hence the trouble Bugs Bunny gets himself in constantly.

But I was kind to animals as a child. I had a dog that I so loved named Snapper who got old and died on me. We keep her ashes in the living room. I once asked my mom what would happen if the box fell over. She answered it was sealed so that would never happen. But when someone is cremated how much of them is really there. My brother Wendell once explained it was one third dirt, one third dust, and perhaps one third your loved one.

Still, I was kind to cats too. When I was three years old I played with a stray cat the neighbors took in. After playing with it because I was a child I began to complain of stomach aches and refused to eat my dinner. My mother was concerned after about a week and it was discovered this damn cat gave me worms. They put me on something that made me poop the worms out. But it was all the damn cat's fault. Those fucking feline's had it out for me from day one. The irony of it was later I was grow to be fascinated by Earth Worms.
Okay this is taking a sick turn.

Either way, I discovered the fur I bought the other day was fake which made me feel less guilty. I didn't kill the animal. However, they have a Pet Cemetery conspiracy against me.

Or maybe I am just nuts. Ha ha ha.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
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