Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Men With Hard Hats

I often hit the corner store on 10th and 44th before or after the gym depending on how I feel. Sometimes after if I go early, sometimes before when I wake up late. It is because I am a fainter and need the quick sugar rush. Usually I see a bunch of characters there. I see Jackson and the rest of the guys coming from shift change. Jackson usually is getting off work, going on about something, and then getting ready to go home. It's usually something that makes me laugh. Cleveland usually enters. He talks about how he needs a white woman and then the world will know that he is okay. I tell Cleveland to get a Spanish girl. White women are work. Cleveland says, "A Spanish woman will stab you!"

Then there are the iron workers and guys on the high rise starting their day, bearing the elements. We usually talk about the weather and how it is either hot as hell or cold as a layer of hell that is left to be unspoken of. It is a burst of testosterone that is refreshingly male. We talk about the nutcases in the news, sports, and more sports. They had a few things to say about Johnny Football winning the Heisman. From what I saw of the kid I liked him a lot, and this is just the beginning for the wunderkind QB from Tivy High School, Giggem!

It is usually interesting to talk to these guys because although they are different than me on the surface we value a quick and fast brand of justice and an honest life. I know they get paid well. Personally I could never be a welder. Sure, I could be like the chick in Flashdance-I am from Pittsburgh. My grandfather was a machinist in the mill and my great grandfather a roll turner. But it is too damn hard for me. I would probably burn myself.

These guys are usually fun to talk to and joke with. They get it, trying to make money and working the grind. To me, they are the most real people I encounter. So many times on my adventures I meet the ass kissers who want to get ahead. Or people who want something. It's like oh please, who are you kidding? I also meet people pretending to be someone in order to impress, and when they name drop it falls flat with me because I know the person they speak of and usually the moron in question was never at the places they said they were. I know because I was there. I sort of like keeping my secrets like that.

Despite the bravado I exhibit online and in my videos, I am sort of shy in person. I am not showy. I don't wear makeup when I don't have to. Yes I campaign for women's rights, but I am friends with a lot of guys. I like sports and so do they. God gave me a man's brain, I feel it sometimes. That is why when these guys relate their troubles with women at the corner store I say, "Yup, you are correct. They are nuts. I can't tell you what they want because no woman really knows what she wants so you are damned to keep guessing."

They all ask me what I do from time to time and I am kind of vague. I say I write when asked. It's true, I did write a damn book. But I am a woman of many hats. I play with puppets, make music, write musicals, perform comedy and have done all of this for some of the toughest crowds around. Not to mention once I was performing in the street and May Wilson and I were nearly stabbed by a homeless crackhead. Another time we did a show for a bunch of bikers-my friend Carucci recruited them to see me-and there was a brawl on the outside of the bar.

I have had fans who have been accused of capital crimes such as murder, and one who has written me on and off from jail. I have had fans missing teeth in vital places because they have been punched out. Hell, I caught on fire once at my job and knew to stop, drop, and roll. My friends have been former hustlers and drug dealers who while they cleaned up bent the rules to their liking making them the ultimate characters. Many have been the nightmares of Conservative Republicans and the like. Some are Conservative gun nuts who would shoot a man if they came on their land.

When I think of it, I wear a hard hat in my own right. Actually, I probably should have a helmet to live in my world from time to time. No wonder I fit right in.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Available as a paperback and ebook on Amazon.
Portion of proceeds go to the victims of Sandy Hook in Newton, CT


  1. I see a bit with May Wilson in hard hat...oh yeahhh

  2. Yes, just don't let her near something that either sets fires or chops things. I see a horror movie in that ending...