Monday, March 25, 2013

Just A Little Crush (Jennifer Paige)

I am still somewhat injured over the perceived rejection of my crush. Nevermind he had no idea how I felt. We had a flirty relationship for sometime but still he should have gotten the memo. But yeah, he had a job, a career, a future and a great personality. So of course he wouldn't want me. Most of the dudes who like me are mandated to some twelve step group(not that it is bad if they are working the program) and have other mental health issues that are outstanding. One time an old boyfriend of mine even stabbed someone. I know how to pick em, right?

I just went and was like, "DUHHHH!!!!" It never ends well with me and crushes. It never has anything to do with me never telling them how I feel. They should be able to read my mind. After they read my mind they should show up on a steed by my balcony ready to serenade me. Then we will ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. It never happens that way. Sometimes they become who they are, as in if they were a pizza they would be Assweed Supremo with a side of breadsticks. Or sometimes they have things like wives and girlfriends and want to stay faithful. Or they cannot fathom my devotion to my puppet children.

I remember having a crush in high school where not once but twice the dude didnt return the favor. The first time I though he did but he liked a friend of mine instead. We are still friends to this day and laugh about it now. And then the second time the guy acted like he had been told he had rabies and they were going to have to shoot him on the spot. He is now married to someone else but decided to make the grand return when my puppet babies and I made national television many a time.

After that was my first year of college when I crushed on an dude who was a third year and made myself look utterly pathetic on several occasions. I did think he liked me though. I mean, the dude did invite me to not one but two parties as his guest. He seemed nice enough and I thought maybe he dug me and my terrible clothing. However the straw that broke the camels back was when I met him on the street, walked with him in the rain because he invited me to do so.And when we got to his house rather than call me a cab or an umbrella he sent me home in the monsoon. To make matters worse he was slated to be a huge star and I was barely academically eligible. But the tables have turned. Now he has no career and look at me and my puppet babies and my book. Needless to say, he is not happy about it. Because the moron signed on another an assumed name and totally trashed me on a gossip site insisting I followed him home. He wishes I made his life scary. Especially since his current girlfriend is FAT. And to think I worshiped him from afar. Sigh....

Now this dude that was my crush totally didn't return the favor. But he is ultra perceptive. I mean he doesn't miss a beat plus he is funny as hell. It wouldn't have worked out. I couldn't have lied to him and cut him out of my life in certain respects like I typically do to my boyfriends. He would have wanted to know about the career and I would have had to tell him. Then I would just have to disappear on him eventually because he would want me to be his girlfriend and wouldn't want me to see other people and wouldn't understand that I have commitment issues. Not to mention he might have a thing or two to say about the wedding I planned in my mind. But the wedding was planned before he even spoke. McSigh Sigh.

This morning I found out the low cut wearing badly dyed blonde thing is his new girlfriend. Okay whatever. Live happily ever after with your stupid cow. I wrote a book. She can't even say her ABCs. I don't even know her then again. Just wishing them both a death from death in my mind. But don't worry I have dumped them both in my mind and now I wish them well.

Either way I just miss Holden. I hate drugs, mental illness, and addiction and how they just fucking destroy. They took the only man I ever loved from my arms.

Off to possibly see if Errant Hottie Lifeguard is working at the pool today. He is such a terrible decision but so much fun. Note, he is for entertainment purposes only.


I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
Portion of proceeds go to RAINN

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