I have had a long last week and a half. From Thursday to today I have delivered telegrams all day, performed three of those nights when I wasn't doing things for my musical, spent one of those days in a recording studio of a platinum award winning record producer, and then I filmed a pilot too. Basically I am wiped. When my musical gets on it's feet I will be adding vocal coach sessions to that.
Monday my friend Omar mentioned he had seen me on TV. Yes, Officer E and I were on Bordain again. He had DVRed it. Anyway, I was psyched. I was tired as hell because I had been Marilyn Monroe in the Bronx that morning. While my day was over by twelve it was way up in the BXs and I really get into my girl, making sure all my songs are perfect. But this was enough to make me go yeahhhhhh!!!!! Anyway I go to Queens to see my boys and I say to my boy Derek, "I was on TV again." To which Derek replies, "I have been watching Jerry Springer all week and have not seen you once." This is why I love my friends. They keep me grounded. They keep me real.
Tuesday I was set to do an I'm Sorry Gram that got cancelled, thank God. I couldnt handle a high strung Jewish doc's wife after the working all week last week, in the studio all day Sunday and now this. WOWSA! I spent Tuesday night relaxing and being so exhausted I ended up crying at my girl's house in Brooklyn. She cooked for me which was nice. Sometimes I just need someone to cook for me like she's my mom. Plus I went to bed at nine and I never do that. Oh and I got my nails done for my pilot. Plus I got fan mail. YIPEE!!!!
I filmed my pilot yesterday. (More on that later) On my way to Port Authority to go to Jersey to film I got a phone call from someone I once worked for on a project telling them they saw me and my puppet babies on TV and how proud they were. Of course it made me feel princess and pauper in my sweats and curlers with my perfectly coiffed nails. Apparently the two who are making it from this project are Nikki Minaj and myself. While I am no Ms. Minaj I am flattered I am second to her.
Filming was a lot of fun and there were a lot of great comedians. I glammed up like I do all the time when I go onstage. May and I performed for the camera, hoping it loved us. Hoping to make the cut. Hoping and shining. With my hair styled and glammed to the max I thought, "Strut and shine, April and May."
We had our share of funny quips. Truth be told though, there was not one comedian at the shoot who wasn't funny and wasn't strong. All the stories they told were good and I actually felt flattered to be in their company. One guy had been doing comedy almost as long as I had been alive. He was particularly neat. This guy was a magician and fire eater who had been a single dad and raised his kid alone while she toured with him. He had neat stories and was fabulously talented. I was flattered and humbled to be in such company. The shoot was a lot of fun. I loved every second of it, so much so that when I left it didnt even cross my mind that I hadn't eaten all day. I was having sooooo much fun I didn't even realize I was hungry.
Of course my dad called me while my cell was off. My mom has been out of town and he had to travel for work and would be going back to an empty house. So when my dad called he asked where I was and I was like, "Ummm, filming a TV pilot." My dad wasn't shocked per se, but I think it's a guy thing. They expect us to be waiting by the phone when they call. Anyway he was like, "Oh good." And of course he being my dad asked if they were paying me and it was like "Of course." :P. But it was a good convo. I think my dad was actually happy I was working. Not that I am not working all the time. Of course never complain about working, right?
When the day ended I was happy and I was BEAT! When I changed out of my diva gear and back to my dress I found myself feeling like a little kid who stole her mother's dress in some ways. While the diva gear is fun to wear and the diva act is fun to throw around, I know I have a long way to go as far as growing into my headliner skin goes. I was around some incredible comedians and well, they were amazing. They reminded me that while it was cool I get people telling me they saw me on TV with my babies and blah, blah, blah my primary purpose behind the mic is to be funny and to get funnier. And those comedians yesterday inspired me to keep running towards that goal.
Today I woke up and ended up delivering two telegrams, a rapping chicken and then one for Stephanie Holmes. It was a favor to her work friend. We talked for a few minutes about the comedy biz. We both said we wanted someone to make us big stars and give us millions of dollars. We are both divas in training. The experience was cool. I killed both telegrams despite the long week I have been having.
I then decided with money in my pocket I was going to EAT. I figured 3:30 was a good time to get some food. I had waited almost ten hours between meals the day before. And nearly twelve the day before that. And a mere eight the day before that. So I figured it had been five hours and that was the healthy recommended normal so I went to a new Asian Fusian Eatery.
The service was excellent and as I was eating one of the owner's daughters-very sweet girl-comes up to me and asks where she knows me from. I shyly look down and without sounding too full of myself mention that I have been on TV quite a bit. And I joked and say peeps usually recognize my voice. And then she says she recognizes my voice as well. Yes, she has seen me on TV, LOL. And then I mention I perform and she says maybe she has seen me there too, LOL. We talk and she asks what shows I have been on. I mention all of them and one of them is Bourdain and apparently her dad, who is sitting right there, loves Bourdain. AWESOME. And by the way, I also ended up chatting with her dad who was cool as hell and her drummer brother who just did his first five minutes popping his cherry at Stand Up NY.
I also pulled out Officer E who made his TV debut on Bourdain out and they loved him. They took our pic and put it on their facebook page.
So SATYA! Go there if you have a chance.
As I walked to the train to the Parkside Lounge to get some stage time I realized I had left the house with a fresh face and my nails were not so perfectly coiffed. As a matter of fact my manicure was starting to chip. It was perfect. I didnt want to be a diva at the Parkside with Officer E. Sometimes I just want to cut loose, rip it up in my street clothes looking like a poor comic as my ex manager calls me. Poor comic. Poor comic who fired my MANager and got on TV.
The mic was fun and it was just a chance to laugh and have fun. I don't care about the bull shit politics or getting passed at clubs these days. My whole thing is I want to do the A rooms or no duce. I dont put too much stock into it, after all, to each his own. As a woman in this business I have ten strikes against me. Hell if I were a man I would be considered the second coming. And as a woman I am considered the second cumming, insert hack joke.
On my way home I ended up taking a cab and felt the cinder block on the shoulder return. Yes I get on TV. Yes they point a camera at me and it lights up. Yes I get recognized and get fan mail. Then why do the A rooms tell me no? Probably because I am not a man. But then my resentment towards comedy returned. I figured I could kindly remind people who I was and how famous I was. But then something told me I could get famous easily, my job was to stay funny now. I dunno, tired and more tired are a deadly combo.
And yes, maybe I am a tad famous but please give my bank account. However I had some money in my pocket and it was sleeting so I took a cab home.
Currently I am in my house wearing a black teddy and just took a bubble bath. I smell good and inset all your twisted male fantasies. Right now, I am getting ready to watch a Lifetime Movie. Maybe some man will hit a chick with big boobs and then she will hack him up. Hey, she will. It's Lifetime. It gets my rage out during women's history month and the chip off my shoulder about being a woman comedian who gets recognized for being on TV by strangers but yet gets screwed in her own backyard in favor of less deserving male comedians who just happen to be the right gender. Chip on my shoulder all the damn time.
Sometimes I just wish someone would hold me and tell me it's okay. But then I would have to get rid of them once they became too clingy. I am fucking tired. I just need to end this big wet abortion of a blog. Well the middle was good and the end just started to suck. I am FINE (Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional). I just work hard, very hard. So hard my nails are chipping and my mascara runs. I would like a gold star, please!
Of course people want to point out my big ego. They want to point out my fame whoring but they have no clue how much FUCKING WORK AND SHIT I HAVE TO EAT THAT GOES INTO IT BECAUSE MOST OF THE FUCKING TIME THEY ARE FUCKING MEN WITH NOTHING FUCKING TO SAY EXCEPT THEY ARE PISSED I GET TV TIME. I got news for the jealous bitches, yes the women, who diss me and say stuff. IT TAKES A LOT OF WORK TO BE A FUCKING DIVA. OF COURSE YOU COULD NEVER HACK IT BECAUSE YOUR LAZY ASS IS TOO BUSY BEING JEALOUS. JUST REMEMBER YOUR BOYFRIEND WOULD RATHER BE WITH ME FOR A REASON.
Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available at 877-Buy-Book, Amazon.com
E-Book available at Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available in the Spring of 2103
Portion of proceeds go to RAINN
Monday my friend Omar mentioned he had seen me on TV. Yes, Officer E and I were on Bordain again. He had DVRed it. Anyway, I was psyched. I was tired as hell because I had been Marilyn Monroe in the Bronx that morning. While my day was over by twelve it was way up in the BXs and I really get into my girl, making sure all my songs are perfect. But this was enough to make me go yeahhhhhh!!!!! Anyway I go to Queens to see my boys and I say to my boy Derek, "I was on TV again." To which Derek replies, "I have been watching Jerry Springer all week and have not seen you once." This is why I love my friends. They keep me grounded. They keep me real.
Tuesday I was set to do an I'm Sorry Gram that got cancelled, thank God. I couldnt handle a high strung Jewish doc's wife after the working all week last week, in the studio all day Sunday and now this. WOWSA! I spent Tuesday night relaxing and being so exhausted I ended up crying at my girl's house in Brooklyn. She cooked for me which was nice. Sometimes I just need someone to cook for me like she's my mom. Plus I went to bed at nine and I never do that. Oh and I got my nails done for my pilot. Plus I got fan mail. YIPEE!!!!
I filmed my pilot yesterday. (More on that later) On my way to Port Authority to go to Jersey to film I got a phone call from someone I once worked for on a project telling them they saw me and my puppet babies on TV and how proud they were. Of course it made me feel princess and pauper in my sweats and curlers with my perfectly coiffed nails. Apparently the two who are making it from this project are Nikki Minaj and myself. While I am no Ms. Minaj I am flattered I am second to her.
Filming was a lot of fun and there were a lot of great comedians. I glammed up like I do all the time when I go onstage. May and I performed for the camera, hoping it loved us. Hoping to make the cut. Hoping and shining. With my hair styled and glammed to the max I thought, "Strut and shine, April and May."
We had our share of funny quips. Truth be told though, there was not one comedian at the shoot who wasn't funny and wasn't strong. All the stories they told were good and I actually felt flattered to be in their company. One guy had been doing comedy almost as long as I had been alive. He was particularly neat. This guy was a magician and fire eater who had been a single dad and raised his kid alone while she toured with him. He had neat stories and was fabulously talented. I was flattered and humbled to be in such company. The shoot was a lot of fun. I loved every second of it, so much so that when I left it didnt even cross my mind that I hadn't eaten all day. I was having sooooo much fun I didn't even realize I was hungry.
Of course my dad called me while my cell was off. My mom has been out of town and he had to travel for work and would be going back to an empty house. So when my dad called he asked where I was and I was like, "Ummm, filming a TV pilot." My dad wasn't shocked per se, but I think it's a guy thing. They expect us to be waiting by the phone when they call. Anyway he was like, "Oh good." And of course he being my dad asked if they were paying me and it was like "Of course." :P. But it was a good convo. I think my dad was actually happy I was working. Not that I am not working all the time. Of course never complain about working, right?
When the day ended I was happy and I was BEAT! When I changed out of my diva gear and back to my dress I found myself feeling like a little kid who stole her mother's dress in some ways. While the diva gear is fun to wear and the diva act is fun to throw around, I know I have a long way to go as far as growing into my headliner skin goes. I was around some incredible comedians and well, they were amazing. They reminded me that while it was cool I get people telling me they saw me on TV with my babies and blah, blah, blah my primary purpose behind the mic is to be funny and to get funnier. And those comedians yesterday inspired me to keep running towards that goal.
Today I woke up and ended up delivering two telegrams, a rapping chicken and then one for Stephanie Holmes. It was a favor to her work friend. We talked for a few minutes about the comedy biz. We both said we wanted someone to make us big stars and give us millions of dollars. We are both divas in training. The experience was cool. I killed both telegrams despite the long week I have been having.
I then decided with money in my pocket I was going to EAT. I figured 3:30 was a good time to get some food. I had waited almost ten hours between meals the day before. And nearly twelve the day before that. And a mere eight the day before that. So I figured it had been five hours and that was the healthy recommended normal so I went to a new Asian Fusian Eatery.
The service was excellent and as I was eating one of the owner's daughters-very sweet girl-comes up to me and asks where she knows me from. I shyly look down and without sounding too full of myself mention that I have been on TV quite a bit. And I joked and say peeps usually recognize my voice. And then she says she recognizes my voice as well. Yes, she has seen me on TV, LOL. And then I mention I perform and she says maybe she has seen me there too, LOL. We talk and she asks what shows I have been on. I mention all of them and one of them is Bourdain and apparently her dad, who is sitting right there, loves Bourdain. AWESOME. And by the way, I also ended up chatting with her dad who was cool as hell and her drummer brother who just did his first five minutes popping his cherry at Stand Up NY.
I also pulled out Officer E who made his TV debut on Bourdain out and they loved him. They took our pic and put it on their facebook page.
So SATYA! Go there if you have a chance.
As I walked to the train to the Parkside Lounge to get some stage time I realized I had left the house with a fresh face and my nails were not so perfectly coiffed. As a matter of fact my manicure was starting to chip. It was perfect. I didnt want to be a diva at the Parkside with Officer E. Sometimes I just want to cut loose, rip it up in my street clothes looking like a poor comic as my ex manager calls me. Poor comic. Poor comic who fired my MANager and got on TV.
The mic was fun and it was just a chance to laugh and have fun. I don't care about the bull shit politics or getting passed at clubs these days. My whole thing is I want to do the A rooms or no duce. I dont put too much stock into it, after all, to each his own. As a woman in this business I have ten strikes against me. Hell if I were a man I would be considered the second coming. And as a woman I am considered the second cumming, insert hack joke.
On my way home I ended up taking a cab and felt the cinder block on the shoulder return. Yes I get on TV. Yes they point a camera at me and it lights up. Yes I get recognized and get fan mail. Then why do the A rooms tell me no? Probably because I am not a man. But then my resentment towards comedy returned. I figured I could kindly remind people who I was and how famous I was. But then something told me I could get famous easily, my job was to stay funny now. I dunno, tired and more tired are a deadly combo.
And yes, maybe I am a tad famous but please give my bank account. However I had some money in my pocket and it was sleeting so I took a cab home.
Currently I am in my house wearing a black teddy and just took a bubble bath. I smell good and inset all your twisted male fantasies. Right now, I am getting ready to watch a Lifetime Movie. Maybe some man will hit a chick with big boobs and then she will hack him up. Hey, she will. It's Lifetime. It gets my rage out during women's history month and the chip off my shoulder about being a woman comedian who gets recognized for being on TV by strangers but yet gets screwed in her own backyard in favor of less deserving male comedians who just happen to be the right gender. Chip on my shoulder all the damn time.
Sometimes I just wish someone would hold me and tell me it's okay. But then I would have to get rid of them once they became too clingy. I am fucking tired. I just need to end this big wet abortion of a blog. Well the middle was good and the end just started to suck. I am FINE (Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional). I just work hard, very hard. So hard my nails are chipping and my mascara runs. I would like a gold star, please!
Of course people want to point out my big ego. They want to point out my fame whoring but they have no clue how much FUCKING WORK AND SHIT I HAVE TO EAT THAT GOES INTO IT BECAUSE MOST OF THE FUCKING TIME THEY ARE FUCKING MEN WITH NOTHING FUCKING TO SAY EXCEPT THEY ARE PISSED I GET TV TIME. I got news for the jealous bitches, yes the women, who diss me and say stuff. IT TAKES A LOT OF WORK TO BE A FUCKING DIVA. OF COURSE YOU COULD NEVER HACK IT BECAUSE YOUR LAZY ASS IS TOO BUSY BEING JEALOUS. JUST REMEMBER YOUR BOYFRIEND WOULD RATHER BE WITH ME FOR A REASON.
Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available at 877-Buy-Book, Amazon.com
E-Book available at Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available in the Spring of 2103
Portion of proceeds go to RAINN
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