Friday, March 29, 2013

"Jesus is on the Cross"

When I was a kid Good Friday was a big deal in my house. In subsequent years it ceased to matter as I became more secular. While I still say a prayer or try to do something it's not like it was when I was a kid. It was Bible Reading and fasting and by the way, of course you are eating fish. Not to mention no television or radio from 1-3.

One year, I think I was about seven or something, my brother Wendell was downstairs. I turned on the TV. Wendell took the clicker-now I am dating myself-and turned it off. I took the clicker and turned the TV back on. There were trash talk shows to be watched and/or cartoons. Wendell then took the clicker and turned it off again. This is how the exchange went:

Wendell: Stop being an ass clown, Dad says we can't watch TV.

Me: Screw you. I am watching TV and don't call me ass clown you idiot.

Wendell: No, you are the ass clown and idiot. We can't watch TV because Jesus is on the cross.

Me: Jesus isn't on the cross. That happened a few million years ago. He got off, was buried and rose from the dead like some zombie. I don't think he would mind if we watched TV.

Wendell: Dad would care though and he is upstairs.

Me: Good point.

Wendell: Besides, we only have two more hours.

Fast forward almost twenty years later. This morning my mom and I were running errands. We are in the car debating about what my sister Skipper and my dad are doing. My mom says, "I hope they arent reading the Bible or something."

"Knowing Dad, he wouldnt be watching TV." I said. But on the other hand, as I have aged my pops has softened. Who knows? Sure enough we got home and they were watching TV. And they were watching Payback with Mel Gibson Pre-Nervous Breakdown.

We had a fish lunch, cause some things haven't changed. After lunch I announced I was going for a run. This was the exchange between me and my dad.

Dad: Well it's after three. I suppose it's okay.

Me: Dad, I hate to break it to you but you were watching TV.

Dad: Well uh-

Me: See, Jesus was on the cross dad.

Dad: Well-

Me: Either way I think we all have sinned today and let's just have some fish and not worry about it. But we can agree on one thing, Jesus likes a good shoot em up.

Dad: Good point. Now enjoy your run.

Sigh, religion and it's crazy rules. Now off to sacrifice some goats. Tonight I will be watching some Biblical movie cause that is what they have on and see some scantily clad woman lead a man to his doom. Then afterwards I will pray to Baal. Not that he has any real power, he is just the understudy for God and every once in a while he deserves a curtain call or a night to perform. I dunno, just sounded funny...


I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
Portion of proceeds go to RAINN

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