Friday, October 12, 2012

Burning Bridges

Yesterday I was supposed to do some club date somewhere. It was last minute. It would have been a pain in the ass to go but I am trying to get onstage again. Got the email. Said I would be happy to do it. Had an early morning, whatever.

Then they email me saying that I am being bumped because one of the shows regulars can make it after all, and he has a history of killing. One I was never told I was a replacement, and second, I have things the shows regular does not such as a following, a career, and a new book out. I wrote the producer a cunty letter. I dont know what hurts worse, being bumped for a less deserving comic or being bumped for a less deserving man.

I had posted about the stupid club date and in my fury-I tend to act before I think-I said I would never be working there. I didnt name the club. I just said the date was off and we wouldnt be working together. They chose to treat me like rabbit shit, I wouldnt bad mouth them. I would get them in their wallet.

Well the plot thickens. The club responds to my post telling me that I was told I was a replacement and that I was replaced by a regular who was a woman. And that I shouldnt resort to libel and that they sponsor some shitty women in comedy festival. Wow. Now the shit is on. First off, as I said I was never told I was a replacement. Second, the comic who I was replacing was referred to by a male pronoun making me think it was a FUCKING MAN I was replacing.SO YOU ARE LYING ON MY FACEBOOK WALL TO MAKE ME LOOK CRAZY BECAUSE YOU ARE AN EGOMANIAC AND A BULLY. Third, good for you for promoting a women in comedy festival. I went to your last festival and last mixer and NO ONE CAME. It was pitiful at best so I left. I also leveled with this particular booker, a bully and this was his latest tactic, that a few years ago my ex fiance cyber bullied me on his site. This was one chapter in a stalking drama that ended up with me getting a different email address. This particular booker defended my ex saying that it was his first amendment right to post half naked pictures and to write slut over them. So I told this moron while we were on the topic I should have sued him. I also informed him not to get so panty wasted. He wasnt booking me and probably never would, and I never intended to work with him. And then I blocked his ass.

I then emailed him and told him to get my shit off of his site. I had no intent of ever working with him nor did I want people to think that I could be booked off of there. I made two new enemies. One producer, and one club booker.

When I was younger I was such a doormat that I let everyone walk all over me. Whether it was producers who threatened me with their demands because I was new, older male comedians who tried to sexually harass/ attemted to abuse/blackmail me, or male producers who tried to hide me because I was obviously more talented than they were. I took it and I believed turning the other cheek would get me where I needed to go. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that wasnt the case. There were people who would abuse me because I was young. The men who sexually harassed/attempted to abused/blackmailed me, well the shit holes will always be their homes be their homes, but it is fitting because they are shit. The producers that hide me are still producing in the same dark holes with their friends. They can hide me all they want but I'm the one people always talked about, and now they take photos with me.

These days I look at an experience like this. While my friend Roger willed himself out of this world, I think looking back he knew a thing or two. Maybe he got himself in lots of trouble but you didnt tread on him. Who just released a book, has a shot going to Manhattan International Film Festival, has been on God knows how many TV shows, and had a number one hit on internet radio for five weeks? Not their regular who routinely kills/male or female, I can tell you that. So I made two new enemies. We werent meant to work together and this booker has a history of not paying people and threatens his talent. Maybe the fact we arent working together is a good thing. I dont think he expected for me to tell him to get fucked and to block him.

As I said, I intend to get him in his wallet by never working with him or playing his club. I always keep a promise. While I still am angered about being bumped for a less qualified comic, regardless of their gender by a wannabe producer who knows nothing about comedy and clearly doesn't own a TV, it shows I am still the devil in my own backyard. On the otherhand,standup is sort of dying a slow and painful death and has been since the early 90s. Maybe I am not meant to get back on this train as other doors are opening that do things like pay. But then again, I do have a book to sell.

From the beginning it didnt look like I was taking this bridge with these people. Aside from not being a whiny woman or a dorky dude, I just had an inkling. Plus they employ a former acquaintance of mine who betrayed me by publishing libelous accusations about me on several occasions because I have a career and he doesnt. This probably already was not going to work. I already had one enemy there, now I just added two more. They say two's company and three's a crowd.

That being said I dont think I just torched these bridges, I put gasoline on them before they exploded in a fire bombing attack. Then again, I have told a few people to fuck off. I always say Roger left that part of his personality with me on the planet. While it has closed a few doors for me, these were doors that didnt lead to any room I wanted to be in or go to in the first place. At the same time, the doors that are supposed to open will, and I firmly believe God will guide me to where I need to go. But it doesnt look like I am taking a certain bridge in Long Island City.

Love, April

I Came,I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl


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