Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Young Guys

I am always constantly being hit on by young guys. It's sorta weird because it never happened in high school. Guys asked me out as a joke in those days. Or they talked to me because they needed to know something about The Magna Carta and wanted to use me as an instant cheat sheet, or were probably too lazy to read Tale of Two Cities which by the way is an excellent book. "It's a far, far better thing than I have ever done. It's a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known." Or they were too lazy to learn the routine for aerobic dance in PE. Sometimes it was to schmooze me because they wanted to use my strong older brother as protection in the weight room against another bully who was his size but however my bro was the gentle giant. Or they needed something unknown from my munchkin sister. Either way, it never happened.

It couldnt have been the puppets, the dark clothing, the blood rep lipstick, or the fact Sylvia Plath was my literary idol that scared them away. Now however it seems I am making up for lost time.

I was filming a music video a few years back and the artist was a fifteen year old Dominican kid. I was twenty three at the time. The video required me to wear latex body paint and a bikini. The second this lad saw me he was McCheckin this out let me tell you. We spent a few minutes alone and the first question he asked was, "Are you single?" Flabbergasted I asked him why. He replied, "PRetty lady, I want to take you out sometime." My mouth dropped open. I informed him that he probably didnt have any money aside from the allowance that his mother probably gave him. Later I was washing the latex off my body in the studio shower and he offered to jump in and help me out. I declined but thanked him for his concern. Then he gave me his phone number. I said I couldnt call him, because he was underaged and it was illegal. He said, "Beautiful, I won't tell the cops." To which I replied, "Yes you will. You're fifteen and you will tell everyone." We never did hook up but now he's on tour. He's legal now too. I believe he has a few women in the wings to say the least.

Another time I was getting Chinese take out about two and a half years ago. I was dressed down and without makeup and in my sweats I look sort of young. These three guys come up to me and ask me to donate money to their school. They are all about fifteen. The one says, "Can you give us your number too? I mean, I know you are a little older than us but we can still handle a shorty such as yourself." My mouth dropped open. The other said, "We do older women all the time." At that point I knew they were just lying. So I looked at them and said, "You wouldnt know your way around a woman if someone gave you a map." The third one saw a guy walking by, sort of a Joe Yale type and said, "She doesnt believe that we get lucky with women." To which the guy burst out laughing and walked away. Sure their egos were deflated but they put themselves out there. Hopefully they improved their women catching technique.

Of course there was the time I was filming a webseries last summer. They had an intern on set from Texas. He was a sixteen year old kid. The entire day he was so sweet and adorable. I was in the series with May Wilson and it seemed all the guys were pretending to hit on her from the regulars on down. Finally the kid who I will call Willy said, "You're cute." May Wilson-well more like me as May Wilson-thanked him. Willy said, "I wasnt referring to her. I was referring to you." He looked at me intensely and our eyes locked. While I was much older than he was I still turned bright red as he flashed that smile and did let out a giggle I will admit. Then I asked him how old he was as to make sure I wasnt going to end up registering on a special website as a result of this convo. He said he was sixteen but would be seventeen in three months. Willy looked at me intensely again, he was not messing around because seventeen is adult in NYC. I informed him that he was the same age as my baby cousin and maybe they should connect on facebook. Willy, without missing a beat said, "I am not your baby cousin." With that he turned his ball cap around, asked for a date when he was seventeen, and immediately friended me on the ol fb. When I got home I accepted his request and went to his page. He listed himself as in a relationship. THAT UNDERAGED PLAYER LOVE BOMBER! I immediately cooled this where it was. There is nothing like getting a call from some girl with an annoying ring tone who says, "Yo, stay away from my man bitch. We have been an item since the swing set."

Just a few days ago I was walking down the street in a pretty dress and these young boys started howling as I walked by. I turned around to see why they were howling and gave them an odd look. The one said, "We think you are FINE." I started laughing and said, "I hope you know I am old enough to be your babysitter." To which one replied, "Baby, you can come over my house and watch me play anytime." I started laughing walking down the street.

Yes, young guys are insane albeit clueless. However they dont mean any harm. If anything when the world makes me an ugly bitch they let me know that it's time to lighten up and that I still got it.

Love April

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl



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