Rainy Days and Mondays (The Carpenters)

It is raining like hell today. Last night was a really bad night, and the first part of today was really bad. I don't know what it was, but last night I had a breakdown and just started crying. I am promoting a book and working very hard. Almost too hard. Sometimes I feel like I work harder than the rest of the world. Just tired. It's been the drama with Amazon, making sure my publisher put a new order in, when I am getting my royalty check. You name it.

Around the middle of the day I began to feel better. I began to feel like less of an idiot and more of a tired person who had her ass kicked by life. Well not life but the magic of ambition. Too bad I didn't stay away from the damn computer.

I really have a lot going for me. I am meeting with a bookstore next Monday. I am doing a news interview later this week. Life isn't terrible. Somehow though, when I am tired I am on that cliff with six cats, am five hundred pounds, am living in a shack at the edge of the hill, and am just eating iced cream.

It never ceases to amaze me how when I am losing my mind I see the glimpses of kindness in the world. Whether it was the cabbie in LI who gave me the free ride. Then there was the man in the train station who held the door for me. Or Lawrence from the restuarant who opened my umbrella when my hands were full. Or Sam from the Indian place who is now reading my blog. It let's me know everything is okay in the world.

They say take an action get a result. I have been in so much action I need a break. I have also decided as of this Thursday I am performing again and hitting the stage with everything I have. What happened with my home club was in the past. It's time to move on. I am doing publicity for my book and need to take a breath and do something I enjoy. Plus I have a new routine I was workshopping.

For me to meltdown publically, although it gets me the results I want, is rather selfish. My fans and followers depend on me to be inspirational. The blog I erased was masturbatory at best.

Anyway, I think I need to stay out of the rain

Love April

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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