10. When someone compares Sinatra to Biggie, they are not worthy of a second date. The next thing that will happen is that they will talk about how Full House was groundbreaking and Danny Tanner pushed the gender envelope.
9. Sometimes you have to talk to a so called old friend to remember why you don’t stay in touch.
8. If someone is suicidal and depressed you should encourage them to become a poet. That way when they die you can make some money off of their estate as their muse.
7. Never date a male comedian. They are fiendish creatures who are being unfaithful to a wife or girlfriend somewhere. As the other women you will get no presents or fancy dinners because they are flat broke. Actually, you will be footing the bill.
6. Megan Fox is an evil femme bot sent from the future to suck our brains an destroy our lives.
5. An angry lesbian is worse than a terrorist. A terrorist will blow themselves up, an angry lesbian, much like a zombie, will keep going for blood. Except bullets cannot stop her. Ex. Rosie O’Donnell.
4. Guys, when a woman says, “I don’t feel good enough for you,” it’s her way of letting you down gently because you are a loser. If it keeps happening you are a loser.
3. Ladies, when a guy calls you “crazy” in regards to his cheating it’s his way of saying you are right and denying it now that he has been caught.
2. Democratic politicians can’t keep it in their pants, and Republican politicians want to control what goes on in a lady’s pants.
1. God is a drag queen and she prefers the name Rula Foreva.
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