My mom has a friend Sally who marries the worst guys. Her last husband basically faked a disability to get government money, glued on his chest chair, told everyone he was once a porn star, and even went so far as to be engaged and living with another woman while he was married to my mom’s friend. Well she dumped Bob.
When she met Larry we all figured Sally had finally cleaned up her act. Larry worked for UPS and even though it took him seven years to finish college he was employed. The first red light was when Larry, too cheap to spring for an engagement ring, basically talked Sally’s mother into using her dead grandmother’s ring. But nonetheless, Sally is a giving woman involved in her church so we were hoping for the best. When she is not volunteering for the Special Olympics (where she clearly finds husbands) she is a successful pediatrician much loved by her patients. A woman with such a good heart only deserves the best.
Well the week they get married Larry quits his job. Then he goes on a salsa making misadventure. Making an original recipe, he takes them to the church for the social and they explode. After that Larry was a private chef for a week before quitting that. Then he purchased a motorcycle, got in an accident three minutes out of the parking lot, and crashed claiming he could never work again. That would have been Larry’s dream except the insurance company didn’t rule in his favor. So instead he lied to Sally, said he was forever scarred from the accident, and said he couldn’t work. So Larry lays around, smokes weed and drinks, and is so lazy he has the neighborhood kid do the yard work while he sits on his ass playing Nintendo.
Well Sally decided to start cracking the whip on Larry. She makes him start working. So he takes a part time job in a liquor store. Then he started drinking the booze without paying for it so they had to fire him.
Now he is unemployed and after twelve years of marriage Sally is at the end of her rope. So she told Larry, no more weed money. Desperate, Larry is now faking Parkinson’s Disease in order to get medical marijuana. Apparently, the doctors were sold by the feigned twitching.
Faking Parkinson’s in order to get weed money is a whole new low. That is why Larry is the Loser of the Week.
|Not actually Larry but close enough|
Have a Loser of the Week? Send in nominations to email@example.com with name, what makes them a loser, and photo if you choose to publish it.