Monday, April 23, 2012

Picture Says A Thousand Words

This past Friday I joined a friend of mine for lunch. It had been a long week between jury duty, ending a fling with a lying man known as Kindred Spirit, and the usual things that come in the life of a superfoxxx. Anyway, I had not one but two magazine interviews coming out.

One in fIXE, where I was the second comedienne to appear since Margaret Cho

The other in Alt Variety where I have been hailed as an underground hero

Anyway, I was out and about meeting my friend for lunch. Part of it was to just vent because she is currently stuck living with her mother in law. The other to discuss the end of my fling with the idiot I was sort of seeing but not really and how in a way I still do miss Holden Caulfield despite his troubles. So there we were. Walking into the diner I saw a celebrity photographer and he asked if I was famous. I said sort of and told him about TLC. Although the OWN network plays my episode on the semi-reg, my puppet children and I have not been recognized in sometime.

I told him I would prove I was telling the truth about myself

Anyway, this guy liked my look and liked Sonny and I so he snapped our photo. It made me feel good about myself and everything I was doing with my life.

Fast forward, today was a sucky day. I had a client at the telegram job pull some shade to try to get a free show. My boss was alarmed and I wanted to punch this bitch back into sobriety. But I was able to back myself up because Miss Junkie sent me several texts telling me how she enjoyed me. (Attention druggie, don't put it in writing if you don't want to remember it tomorrow, just like the things you do in the alley for your dope).

So in my furry I found this guys card and emailed him. I just wanted to say hi to someone who didn't totally suck.

His name was not Abusive Prick, who hits on me in front of his girlfriend, invites me out, and then his girlfriend, who is never allowed to speak says it's not okay.

His name was not Kindred Spirit, fading into obscurity and full of chauvanism, viewing women as objects created for his own recreation and pleasure rather than humans with thoughts, feelings, and a life outside of his needs.

His name was not Defendant, full of entitlement because he believed he was born into a substrata and therefore had the right to rob people like myself, people who work hard just so we can have a few things.

His name was not Lying Married Man, believing he is a superstar and can seduce women because of the cache and respect of his so called name, when really he just looks like a fool.

His name was not Lying Druggie Cunt, who tells me how happy she is with the job I did, even sending me a text to the account, and then emails my boss telling him I was in fact on drugs, didn't act professionally and then didn't sing. As a bonus she couldn't stand and could barely talk.

He sent me a nice email back and sent me this photo. It made me feel special. Like a superstar.

It made me think that I didn't have to get Abusive Prick, his girlfriend would kill him.

I didn't need to pay any more mind to Kindred Spirit. With his current underemployment problem he could chase all the stupid hos he wanted. I was too good for that fool anyway.

I didn't need to wish death upon Defendant, laughing as we did jury selection, someone would shank him in prison.

Lying Married Man, who probably lies and cheats constantly, would have to face the wrath of his wife who might make him sleep in the backyard.

As for Lying Druggie Cunt, well my boss got the text messages. He just has to speak to her to know she's a space cadet. I'm good. I know the truth and have nothing to hide. And she can choke on it because she knows her husband would rather be with me junkie bitch.

All I have to be is the little puppet girl, the superfoxxx, an example for all people that doing the right thing is fashionable and being yourself is the way to go. Those people are just stones for me to step on. I will soon be a superstar. I will soon rule the world.

Who gets two press interviews in one weekend?

They don't.

Who is going to be on TV with Vanilla Ice?

I'll give you a clue, they aren't.

Sonny and his puppet mother out on a stroll

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