Lost Love

This poem is dedicated to a lover of mine who I had to say goodbye to. He was one of three men that I have ever loved, but unfortunately he suffers from addition and was unwilling and unable to get help. Currently he is on the run from the law with three warrants for his arrest, one for failing to appear at trial, one for assaulting a police officer, and the third for outstanding payments in child support. When I speak about him, people judge. But he was right by my side during a hellacious period in my life, and so far it has been very hard to replace him. xo

This was his favorite picture of me.  He told me that once

               Lost among the waves

                I see your face

                You whisper my name

                It’s not the same

                Without you.

                All the other guys

                Treat me as some object

                Put on this Earth for their pleasure

                You treated me like a treasure

                Now you are lost at sea.

                You wanted to get out

                That’s what you used to tell me

                I believed you wholeheartedly

                I knew you weren’t lying

                When you said it was eating you alive.

                Clawing to survive-

                Running from place to place like a gypsy nomad

                Hiding your secrets and telling your stories

                Of some glories,

                Some lies-I will never know.

                At first I loved you like a brother.

                Then I discovered we were two halves without a whole,

                Broken toys who had found each other.

                Oscillating in the universe,

                Eternal and fatal.

                We both were damaged goods.

                Thrown away by previous owners because of the cracks,

                We had each others backs,

                When you said you loved me I believed you.

                I know you would never lie.

                Jack Daniels was the man who never let us down,

                Despite the fact we were heaving on the ground.

                Somehow I got out of hell,

                But you are still writing in the flames,

                Unable to escape the burning building that is your life.

                Your kisses were sweet like candy

                Melting in my mouth.

                Your body next to mine with your warm touch,

                I must have liked you much too much-

                Oh I know I did.

                You had a smile like the moon,

                It always lit up the room,

                Especially when I made a terrible joke.

                You told me I had a bitch streak,

                But then you would make me laugh deflating my foul mood.

                You got me, never to take me too literally.

                You got me, wanted me.

                It scared me in a way and it did then.

                How you were different from the rest of the men-

                Who sold lies with their lips but had absent hearts.

                You run until you hit the floor,

                Yet you keep running through you can run no more.

                You scream my name-

                Beneath the waves-

                Beneath the flames wanting me to rescue you.

                They warn of you dragging me down.

                They put labels on you like deadbeat father, drug addict, alchie.

                They say that you are a selfish prick.

                I know that it is because you're sick.

                I have seen your heart.

                It hurts because love couldn't save

                You from the clutches of the crystal cave

                From the enemy in your head

                The devil's voice wanting you dead and sucking you down

                 Screaming, you fall away from me.....

                They say I am a sucker for your lie

                I forget you, oh I try

                The scent of you still lingers on my skin, my mouth

                But when you loved me you told me the truth

                That is why you continue to silently scream my name……..

I chose this picture because it is one he would have enjoyed