Things I Am Thankful For

A is for assholes. They make me feel better about being badly behaved.
B is for Blood Sport, one of the best karate movies of all time.
C is for cook outs. Its a great way to socialize while getting a free meal.
D is for deadbeats. Who else would I date?
E is for Evergreen. It is the Streisand song that cured my insomnia.
F is for free things. They are great when you are broke.
G is for glory holes. Okay, my gay friends sort of hi-jacked this list.
H is for Hell Boy, he rocks but I wouldnt want him to father my child.
I is for iced cream. What else gets me through a psychotic lonely night?
J is for jokes. What else do I attempt to crack behind the mic.
K is for Kim Cjisters. She is my new girl crush of the week. If I go gay she will be my girlfriend.
L is for love. While it makes me puke it's not half bad when practiced well.
M is for money. I like having it in my pocket.
N is for nuts. Okay, get your mind out of the gutter.
O is for opals. They have no significance whatsoever. I just needed something that was O.
P is for peace sign. It makes me look cool when I flash it.
Q is for quiet. Sometimes I need it to write my list of names.......just kidding.
R is for retarded people. They make it okay to ride a bus and wear a fanny pack.
S is for sleepovers with my gay boys. How else am I supposed to sleep in the same bed as a hottie?
T is for TV dinners. Microwaved cooked and ready to go.
U is for underwear. You never know when you will have an accident.
V is for vitamins. They protect me from germs.
W is for worms. They gross prissy girls out and are a source of protein.....okay, maybe not.
X is for X's. Okay, ex's, but I like to know I Xed them out of my life when I see that they look ugly
Y is for Yukon. Because supposedly that is where the Klondike is from.
Z is for zebras. They serve no purpose except the fun things to do at the zoo.