Monday, April 15, 2013

Strokin' (Clarence Carter)

Yesterday I was to deliver a bikini gram in Midtown to a kid for his 14th birthday. The mother was a nice enough lady. While I thought this was a little extreme to give a kid she meant well. I got a glimpse of the kid coming in. He was kind of impish and red headed, dorky kind of. Lets just call him Micah. Anyway, the mom wanted to wait until all the guests came and then I would deliver the telegram.
Well I get changed and everything is ready to go. I walk up to Micah and he is less than thrilled. He says, “Stop it now.” And then starts covering his face. I strip to a bikini and ordinarily the guy on the receiving end is thrilled but Micah screamed, “You got your paycheck. You earned it. Please put your clothes back on.” That is when he gets up and storms into the restroom. Not what I expected.
Micah’s parents are thrown for a loop and were not expecting this. According to Micah’s mom he is a little bit of a control freak and likes to have the upperhand in all situations. She also tells me she owns a high end lingerie store and wants to know if I want to model. I say sure. She seems like a cool enough lady. I just don’t think her kid was ready to be sassified.
Micah’s cousin went into the restroom to try to retrieve him. No such luck. Then his other cousin grudgingly went in. No such luck. Then his dad went in. No such luck. I decided to go in and try to deal with the kid. I mean, he was pretty upset and I didn’t understand why. I went into the restroom and throngs of gentlemen had to pee and were pissed they were waiting. No pun intended. This is how our convo went.
Me: Micah? Micah? You okay?
No answer
Me: Micah, I have my clothes back on. We can talk.
No answer
Micah: Leave me alone!
Me: Okay, but are you alright? Do you want to talk about what is wrong?
Micah: My mom did something stupid and inappropriate.
Me: Why was it stupid and inappropriate?
Micah: She is always doing stupid and inappropriate things. All I wanted to do was have lunch.
Me: Well you can still come out and have lunch. Everyone misses you.
Micah: Leave me alone.
Me: I still don’t get why you are upset.
Micah: You don’t get it. You are just like my mom always asking so many questions.
Me: Welcome to the wonderful world of women son. We are all like that.
Micah: You did your job. They paid you. Please go!
Me: Fine. I have things to go. Good luck with everything.
Micah’s parents apologized perfusely and tipped well. I might even get a modeling job out of this whole thing. Who knows? Eventually Micah did come out of the bathroom after his uncle extracted him. Still, after this whole thing I heard the song by Clarence Carter, you know “Strokin.” Perhaps he would have set Micah straight and that little red head would have embraced his secret pimp skills. Sigh, at this stage in his life he just has sexual uncertainty and pimples. God bless.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
Portion of proceeds go to Greenpeace