Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Chicken and The Kids

Yesterday I was delivering a singing chicken in NJ. When I got to the station I was to have a car pick me up that was preordered by the client. Couldn't find the car. Called the car service. The guy was the new night dispatcher and didnt know what the hell was going on. The client then called my boss because the car was at the station a town over and then the car scooped me up. The driver was a nice guy named Sumit who apparently was an Aquarius. I always ask. A sign says everything including stop in this world.

When we got to the house the family had a yappy dog that was off the leash. For those that know me, they know that barking dogs scare me. I have gotten better over the years but an incident with a family member's pet as a child scared me forever in some ways. The driver distracted the dog and off I went to do my telegram. I knocked on the door hoping the dog didnt attack me in my chicken outfit cause that would have totally sucked.

Knocking on the door, the wife of the birthday boy answered. With her were their two kids, little girls. Right away the kids were into this. I did my routine and this family was wonderful, I mean WONDERFUL. I usually deliver to people who are good but these folks were exceptional. I mean uber exceptional. These kids were wonderful too.

Then the kids ran out the door and got their friends telling them that there was a life sized chicken in their house. And of course these were all the little girls in the neighborhood ready to go bike riding. So the neighborhood kids came in. The thing about the situation is that obviously I am not a real chicken, even Ray Charles can see that. However with kids they know and unlike adults they will present the evidence to prove their point. Mind you they are at the stage where they have recently discovered the truth about the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus therefore they are the ultimate myth busters. And of course I have to mess with them a bit.

This is how the exchange went:

Birthday Boy: Look, it's a life sized chicken.

Me: I flew in and am now the new bird in the neighborhood.

Kid 1: No it's not. She is too big to be a chicken. Chicken's arent that big.

Me: Well it's the new food they are feeding us. We get big that day.

Kid 2: You have hands. Chickens don't have hands.

Me: Yes we do. I told you it was the food.

Then a little boy wanders in. He is probably someone's little brother, and the sister is forced to bring him on this bike trip. Immediately, he is not going to let a life sized chicken get the best of the women of the group. So now he takes over the interrogation.

Kid 3:Well you have a necklace. Chickens don't wear necklaces.

Me: I have to look pretty. Chickens have their needs too.

Kid 3: And you have feet and running shoes. Chickens can't walk.

Me: Sometimes chickens like to run and play games just like you do.

Kid 3: Oh yeah, well why doesn't your mouth move when you talk?

Me: You see, with our new diet and stuff there are still some things they haven't worked out. This is one.

Birthday Boy: Alright, time to go bike riding. Thank you. Let's let the chicken go

Kid 4: It's a woman not a chicken.

Birthday Boy: And it is time to go bike riding. Remember to stay off the sidewalk.

These young scientists have proven themselves. I will reveal their findings are correct. I take my mask off.

Me: Guys, you were right. I am a woman.

Kids together: We knew it!

End Scene

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
Portion of proceeds go to Greenpeace

No comments:

Post a Comment