Saturday, April 6, 2013

Feeling Strangely Fine

Yesterday I found myself feeling grateful until I was struck by a magraine. I dont know where it came from. I got nauseous and just felt like death. Chills all over. Maybe it is the stress I have been feeling. Either way, I found myself in bed with my Excedrin watching Lifetime Movies. I also slept for like ten hours.

I think I needed the sleep.

Today I feel okay about everything that has been happening. I dont even know why. My audiobook is almost finised. My book is almost in a huge store, well it is online but not in paperback form. I need to get crackalackin on my musical. Oh and I need to get onstage again.

There is a huge part of me that feels some career angst. I always do at this time of year. Back in 2007 it was when I dumped my manager and pop goes the weasel I got on TV beating out those who actually got the call back on a national TV show.

In 2008 I got the callback for a reality show. While it never happened my dad got to talk to the president of CBS and things fell into place for a TV appearance or two

In 2009 I was in a real rut because I was broke, nothing was happening, and then I found myself touring quite a bit with the standup and getting good at it. Not to mention some people remembered seeing May Wilson on TV. And then I got to work with Foxworthy and produced my own one woman shows.

In 2010, I was in a rut with the standup and ended up shelving that. Instead I made a bunch of videos and drafted the first draft of my book. Basically, I took charge of my life. That fall, my puppet children and I got on TV. It was the first time limos took us everywhere ;)

In 2011, I of course, despite all the TV time my puppet children and I got them, was fired from my home club. So we made more videos, recorded music, and our music got AM and internet airplay. I also got a job as a talking head on an online network and hosted a weekly show. I also went through not one but two publishing houses with my book. And my puppet babies and I got recognized everywhere we went ;)

In 2012 I found myself completely estranged from the standup community. In between the TV stuff and other things, these closed minded people allegic to achievement didnt have room for me it seemed. So I put my efforts into my songs, getting a number one hit on the internet for five weeks. I was on a TV show that got a million hits on the internet. While it didnt get picked up it came close. And yes Virginia, I finally published my damn book. It was featured on the official website of Britney Spears and has popped up everywhere.

So what's next? I am at my yearly crossroads again. I am trying to decide where to concentrate my energies. Part of me wants to act again seriously. I went to school for it. I can do it. But I am not an empty headed idiot like most actors are. Maybe that is why I don't like them.

I thought about seriously going for the standup again. I am good at it. But being a woman works against me. Having a prop works against me. Then because of course I have TV credits it is asinine for me to really pay for stage time. Not to mention that when it comes to the clubs it is not about being funny and TV credits can work against you because everyone has them at a certain level and which TV creds where and blab blah waste my freaking time on a dying art form.

Then there is the writing. I am really good at that too. I wrote a damn book. I keep a blog. But writers are such hermits. While I desire being a hermit I also like being onstage and dont want to give that up. I also feel like if I sell my screenplay I wont be able to be in it. You get the picture. Plus while it is the gift that makes everything possible it is not my only gift.

Oh and then there is the music. I never expected to do as much with it as I did. My friend Marcus had me record a song and then off I went. I never expected to have a hit on the internet. That was an accident. Sure I sing. I do it everyday for my job. But there are people with true talent out there. I know I dont measure up to them. As in people like my cousin Bobby who was a trumpet prodigy as a kid and my cousin Christopher who plays first chair trombone in the Notre Dame marching band. Oh and my composer Matt Weber. (Got to get on my next song and practice ;P).  I maybe could focus on that but music overwhelms me.

I have no idea what is next. I just know my audiobook is almost finished, thank the freak Jesus. Archie and Anthony the other day-for fun-slowed my voice down and I sounded like a demon. I informed them I would appear to them in my form and speak like that. And then I would say, "Welcome to hell."

Archie contimplated getting a fat kid to "say that stuff" in my voice. That would be funny. Made me laugh.

Either way I have a lot ahead of me. While I dont know which path to take it will soon make itself apparent. My career in some ways is much different than I thought it would be. This is good, because if I had gotten what I thought I wanted I would have really short changed myself. So I just must ask God, Jesus, Frank the Pink Rabbit, Bob the Purple Gerbil, Phyllis the Spotted Peacock, and the Universe at Large to guide me.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
Portion of proceeds go to RAINN

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