Thursday, April 25, 2013

Dog Shit on a Stick

I have a shit feeling and it isn't even noon. Last night made me so tired I slept in and didnt kick box. There is a lot going on. My mom is sick and I am worried about her. On top of that there is some book stuff that I won't go into in depth that is irking the living piss out of me. It's a road block. I know I can get around it. But to make a long story short some people who should have been on some things haven't been and therefore I am set back until they get on it. Basically they didn't do their job. And until they do I can't take certain actions with my book. What gets me is how some people can choose not to do what they are supposed to do and still stay employed, whereas if I did I would probably be fired.

Had a major career let down yesterday. Again because some people don't feel the need to do their jobs so why should they make my life let alone anyone else's any easier?

Then I had to type an important email for my book and my keyboard is always guilty of getting sticky. Well it got sticky and the email was supposed to be Please Advise and instead I typed Please Advie. I realized this too late. Then I resent it as not to look like a total goon. I said, sticky keyboard. WOW! Go team go.

I am not one of those people who anything has ever come easy for. Things don't just fall into my lap. My career has not come easy. I am not one of those perky female comedians who just gets on TV because some guy wants to get into my perfectly pressed pants where I have a perfect Brazillian wax. For the record I have neither. Instead I have to fight for every little thing I have. Bookings have never come easy either. They say talk about what is close to your heart and the things I talk about are too close. They say be yourself and when I am they accuse me of being insincere. And then the second I show the world my heart I have male bookers telling me I am too bitter.

I may always be an outsider. That I actually dont care about. I am not one of the cool kids for as much as I have been on TV and for as many books as I publish. For the record I would be selling a lot more if the people who needed to get on their shit would. So what the brass ring is always in front of me? It's being yanked away again.

Maybe I need a man.

Lets look at the record there. The ex fiance was just plain crazy and now I have a different mailing address. Did I mention he sent his former girlfriends to harass me and those idiots did? After him was a lawyer who was a pathological liar, and did I mention his current girlfriend is trying to be me? After I threatened to have her arrested when she was calling me and harassing me she backed off. But now she maintains a shitty poetry blog where she whines about her mother who never loved her. She's on enough drugs that he makes the Amnesty Box at Rikers Island look like a sober house. After him was a clingy radio personality who wouldn't let be breathe. In there was a Puerto Rican cop who was looking for another baby mama. Lets add in a Play Girl model or two who has fun but had women everywhere. Then the fugitive that broke my heart. Ending with the former reality man who was using me to revive his dead career.

On second thought don't need one of those. What gets me is that men act like they are all so special, all so different. No matter who they are, what they do, what culture they may come from they want one thing and believe they are the ones to give it to you. Look at my record, they have caused me great pain.

I do have a lot to be grateful for. Lets start with I am not messy like the ex fiance who makes his life mooching off of women. In that mix I am a real author instead of merely being a writer like many. My big issues are where to have my book talk and what time to do it at the Ivy League School that I will be joined by my sister. Not to mention this is just a road block and not a boulder. And my keyboard got sticky. But I emailed back a second later and apologized. People get sticky keyboards.

I know in my heart this is all just temporary. Some of it is that I just completed a big project and then I got good news about another big project and am kinda nervous about both.

Did I mention Razor Rob liked my blog?

I know I should be grateful but I am having a dog shit on a stick moment.


I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
Portion of proceeds go to Greenpeace

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