Monday, April 8, 2013

Dating Around the Zodiac

I think I have dated just about every sign. And here are their ups and downs. One of these days I will get it right.

Upside-Driven, funny, honest, and doesnt like to take life too seriously. Not to mention likes to have a good time and is a good and honest friend as well as companion. Will tell you the truth no matter how much it hurts and will pep talk you.
Downside- Controlling, egotistical, self-centered cheater. Girl in every port. Will be honest about everything else but won't be honest about that. And oh, very superficial. Must have worldly possessions and BAD WITH MONEY! Translated, big house with no furniture because they must have that address. Or jackass as it is more commonly known.

Upside- Funny, romantic, off beat, totally crazy. Not to mention creative and out of the box. Oh and when they are in love with you, you are the center of their world and they would take a bullet for you any day of the week. The relationship will heat up very quickly and you will feel like you are in a drug haze almost because of the depth of their love and passion.
Downside-When it ends they will go crazy if they believe they have been wronged. Get a different mailing address. Untreated mental health issues. Very controlling and somewhat abusive if the health issues go unchecked. And when it ends it is all your fault just so you know. And they will get all their damn friends afterwards and try to ruin your life. Handle with kit gloves and a full body suit. But just remember, they are also good where it counts so damn is it worth it ;)

Upside- Sensitive, sweet, romantic, and creative, they will light up your day. Not to mention they are charming and great listeners. Very smart too.
Downside- Slimy liars. They always have an angle and a girlfriend or child they don't quite support that they are keeping concealed. Not to mention they are jealous and can be abusive. Prone to drug and alcohol issues. WATCH OUT

Upside- Where to start. They are incredibly funny, daring, and have a lot of pizazz. Ultraromantic in that swashbuckler kind of way, the attraction is instant and they will take a bullet for you. What's not to love? Oh and they have a lot of crazy friends, too.
Downside- While they may take a bullet for you, it is because it came flying at them through the drama they call their lives. Not to mention that while they might be your angels, angels don't fall in love. They have women everywhere. While they may spend a ton of money on you, they always come with bad credit.

Upside- Loyal, smart, and hardworking, a Taurus dude is a marrying type of dude. Not to mention he will always be able to make a joke in any situation and put anything into perspective. He never gets hung up too long on the details, and makes you believe you can do anything.
Downside- Stubborn as hell. Oh and temper, temper, temper. Did I mention he will have NO HEART AND FEELINGS whatsoever. And how do you spell c-h-e-a-p?

Upside- Great storytellers and funny. Oh and what's more they are also very bright. A Gemini will stimulate you to no end with their knowledge and love of culture. Not to mention they are a great date to a party because everyone will love them.
Downside- They are Mr. Perfect before you meet the dark side. Whether they are pathological liars, drug abusers, wife abusers, have a temper like the devil, or just cheat for the hell of it the dark side is there. Buyer beware.

Upside- Caring and emotionally intuitive, they are somewhat psychic actually in a lot of ways. Also kindhearted, loyal, and compassionate. A cancer guy will listen and make you feel like you are taken care of. A date with them is not just a night out, but a night out that you both will feel safe. They are usually not very outgoing, but if you get them telling stories they are funny, yo. Sounds like heaven, right?
Downside-More like hell when you get down to it. Cancers are Mr. Possessive. Expect to be attached at the hip at all times. Oh and then it is always a guessing game because he will never truly tell you how he feels. Expect to be both girlfriend and mother to this overgrown manchild. And they also have a secret like children they dont support and why tell you about that?

Upside- Good hearted and fun loving, a Leo guy seems like a must have for a relationship. They are the type of guy who goes out with his friends, parties, and always brings you along. They are always cracking jokes and making sure no one is forgotten. Oh and they love to take group vacations. Life is always a party with a Leo guy. Sounds like a great time, right?
Downside- Wrong! Leo guys might not act like it, but they get mad when you talk to other guys even if you are just friends. Not to mention that while they work, they have a tendency to be very lazy. If you end up with a Leo dont expect to have the big house on the hill unless you work a six figure job.

Upside- Hardworking to the point exhaustion, funny to where they leave you rolling on the floor, and sweet to where you begin to drip of hot house flowers, they can capture your heart like slaying a dragon. Fabulously smart and ambitious, that is a turn on for any woman in the world. And they are very thorough. Virgos cook, clean, and make you feel like a princess. It is easy to want happily ever after with this Prince Charming.
Downside- There are several ways to spell manipulator. Virgo men tend to use women whether it is to further their career, get a place to live, or even just to feed a sex addiction. Oh and while we are in the neighborhood they have no feelings and are very old world. Translated: woman, be by the phone when I call. And while you are there I will tell you what train to ride and what car to ride and where to get off the car. I'm in charge. However they will blind you by showering you with gifts, so when they run their con and leave it burns a hole in your heart.

Upside- Funny, charismatic, and not afraid to act a fool a Libra man will sweep you off your feet. Not to mention he is very romantic. There will be flowers, there will be jokes, and he will be Prince Charming. Yes, after the first date with this dashing knight in shining armor of amor you will be planning the wedding. A Libra man will wine you, dine you and everything in between and will make you feel awake and alive.
Downside- Everything! He likes you this week and the next week this Casanova Brown is on to someone new. And while he is making his rounds he doesnt quite want to let go of you and will send you flirty texts even though he is dating or married to someone else. Years later, even when passions die you will still be important to him much to the chagrin of his wife. And while we are on the topic, if you end up his wife he might only work so hard. So be prepared to make all the money, ladies.

Upside- Handsome, hardworking, smart, energetic, and well read these are the brooding, quiet mysterious strangers at the party. You are immediately drawn to this broken creature who obviously has a chip on his shoulder. A Scorpio man will treat you to the fanciest eateries, have the best intellectual conversations, and not to mention would never dream of making you pay. Did I mention that you will be pampered and he will be extremely loyal. A Scorpio man will kill for you if need be and kill anyone who has ever harmed you: past, present, or future.
Downside- Oh I can't even begin to start. A Scorpio man has a chip on his shoulder and holds a grudge for years at a time. He doesnt like anyone and is uber judgmental of your friends and family. While he will give you financial support, dont expect moral or emotional support EVER. And while we are on the subject he will remind everyone of his status because of the chip on his shoulder and will go out of his way to get revenge, even if he busts his face. And he will go out of his way to tell you about everyone who ever wronged him and you will hear about his terrible childhood any chance he gets to open his mouth. Familial gatherings will be akin to Oliver Twist. And while he is loyal, it's not always because he loves you. He's a spiteful bastard.

Upside-Lordy, lordy, these cuties will sweep you off your feet the first chance they get. And hanging out with them is soooo much fun. Despite the fact that dates are more impromptu than planned, they treat you like a lady and will never press you into doing anything you dont want to do. Oh and they dont take anything personally. If you scream and yell a Sag guy will walk away and then call you back a few hours later to see how you are feeling. It will catch you off guard but you will like it. Sag guys are extremely perceptive and will be able to see through your crap, so dont front. For the most part they are kind, and will fight if they need to though. Dont push them.
Downside- They have a girl in every port. They like you and her and her and also her. Their bedroom door swings so frequently they probably have to sprint through it so it doesnt hit them in the ass. And while they are sweet they also arent the most attentive and are terrible about spending too much money on you. They also arent very ambitious and have to be prodded by the right woman to go in the right direction. They never do anything on their own. Also, they might hit on a hot girl in front of you. Not because they aren't into you, they have just simply forgotten you were their date. In the end, they also come about who they are honestly. If you are most likely to have a pure friendship with someone from your past it is a Sag guy. If you need a friend they will be there, and when it ends they won't make it awkward. They are the least likely to be stalkers and whatever secrets you tell them will forever be safe.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
Portion of proceeds go to RAINN

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