Monday, December 3, 2012

Remembering Memory

During my morning jog I came across someone who had done one of the many puppet videos I did a number of years ago. She is a performer of semi-note. Despite living in the neighborhood I jog in I had never seen her wandering around. Actually, to come to think of it she hadnt crossed my mind in sometime. Her episode got a lot of play and got me some press. Still it was a few years ago,the 2009-2010 area of my life, not a hot time to be April Brucker.

I stopped her and said hi. I remembered her being a very nice lady and having an extra nice publicist. We had talked a while and she gave me a lead on a possible summer gig. While it never worked out it was still a great opportunity to have. Then she said, "How do I know you?"

Ouch! How could she not remember me? Either this was an intentional diss or she didn't remember me.

I explained she was on my show and made a movement with my hand like puppets. She was like, "What?" I explained and she gave me a look for a second and asked, "What's that?" Then it occurred to me. This was not a diss. She legitimately had not remembered who I was and probably felt awkward and weird about it.

When I told her it was the puppet thing she was like, "Oh yeah!" And then she saw I was wearing a Pitt Sweat Shirt and asked who in the family had gone to Pitt and I said my Mom and Dad. I asked her where she was headed and apparently she was going to physical therapy for an injury she had accidentally gotten. She asked if I was headed to the gym and I said yes. She said, "That's what it's about." Then she patted me on the arm, said it was nice seeing me,and off we went.

The entire walk I was still like, was she dissing me intentionally? The answer was no, it looked like she legitimately didn't remember me. That was over two years ago and a lot has happened in the world since then. Plus she legitimately didn't remember, but I actually want to forget that time in my life. It was pretty flipped out actually.

I remember around the period this was all going on I was leaving a radio program where the host was a low level sadist. Everyone who worked with him talked about what a nightmare he was to be around. My camera man on the project was an alcoholic who would drink in the morning and disappear. I had two partners, one who was a backstabbing opportunist who would steal my ideas at any point and then another who was a control freak with ambition that did not match his lack of talent. Of course then there were the friends. Chacho was calling me at 2 AM and a few months later we had the falling out that ended with him dying before I could apologize. Not to mention I was frequently out of money and even more frequently in trouble with my boss. Oh and I was a part of a documentary where the camera man was addicted to crystal meth, and our other producer, eager to do a good deed, recruited him from a drug rehab that he was an alumni from. Needless to say it was the most interesting work experience ever.

Not to mention a tad bit of an identity crisis that I won't go into here.

Life was different. Life was crazy. This lady legitimately didn't remember. I did remember that time in my life and didnt want to. Maybe we could be on the same page.

The crazy thing about life is that you have these points that are wonderful and points that just suck. If I had an eraser I would wipe out 2001 for sure. Following that would be part of 2004. Eliminate the hell out of 2006. Keep some of 2007,just the good parts. Delete 2009 and the first three fourths of 2010. Keep most of 2011 but eliminate my house being robbed and Joe dying. This year was decent. But take out the latter part of April where I was injured, and all of August when I was dealing with a stalker.

Now things are different in my life for the better. My ebook comes out this week. The puppet videos transitioned into music videos and other TV stuff. I just got a promotion at work, and my finances are coming together. The days of me working with crazy people are over for the most part. Not to mention I have shed about fifteen pounds of baby fat and look smoking (in my mind).

Either way, as I think about it, I know the diss was unintentional on this woman's part. If anything, I have a feeling that I now reconnected with someone that is a potential friend in that neighborhood. Our encounter wasn't ugly, I think it actually turned out to be a rather sweet exchange between two people who worked together for a wrinkle in time before they had the appropriate amount of coffee.

Still, if there was a delete button on life, there would be a lot of stuff to erase. But if we pressed the delete button we wouldn't be able to laugh about the bad music we listened to or the bad hair that we once had. We wouldnt be able to get a kick out of how yes, we had a crush on that person or liked that insanely bad television show. Or how we had that stupid goal that well, was stupid. Or we couldnt laugh about the stupid things we did.

We wouldn't have the human experience. We couldn't and wouldn't be ourselves.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Available on Amazon.

Come to my signing
December 27, 2012 @ 7pm
Bethel Park Library
5100 W. Library Ave
Bethel Park, PA 15102

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