Sunday, December 23, 2012

"I Wanna Meet You In a Dark Room"

For the past two and a half years-since being on TLC with my puppet kiddies-I have had guys come out of the wood work from my past to ask me out. Some have been comedians who met me once at an open mic night. Others had known me from a college lecture. But there have been several from high school. One made fun of me really bad. The other I never met. But this recent one had been in  a gym class of mine and hardly ever came.

Yes, we only had two classes together, neither of which he really showed up for. We only spoke twice and I remember generally liking him. But as the years passed and I left home to pursue my goals he became one of the many memories that defined high school. And even then they were faded between play rehearsals, nursing home dates with my Groucho Marx figure, tapings at the access station, articles for the youth section, literary magazine, and of course my weekend job bagging groceries at the Giant Eagle.

Fast forward almost ten years later. I have achieved some of my goals while many are just dreams. One of my goals and dreams was writing and publishing a book. I did. It's available in my local library as well as Amazon. Anyway, I was sending out the invites for the book talk. My former classmate writes me back, "I wanna meet you in a dark room. HMU."

HMU means two things: hide my unicorns or hit me up. Then it occurs to me, this boy is talking about a unicorn, and not the kind children are meant to see.

Meet me in a dark room to do what? It certainly isn't to read. You can't do that in a dark room. When I told my sister Skipper about this she said, "Wasnt he bad?" Well yes and no. He was bad but got in trouble for never showing up to class. So he caused his trouble elsewhere. I remember the bad girl of the Forensics Club trying to accidentally bump into him during the one time he came to frisbee in gym class. Then he disappeared.

So I wrote him back. I figured I would invite him to my book talk like I would any crazed male admirerer and fan. I just have to be careful, but I don't think he's homicidal. That involves showing up and planning. He writes me back and says, "U hav to make the 1st move. I am kina shy." Well the fact you never showed up at school is beginning to make itself apparent in your grammar, Sir.

I don't write back. What am I supposed to say?

He writes me back telling me he is intrigued and misspells the word. While nothing turns me off like horrendous grammar, his bravery is quite sexy. Yes, he has a kid. Yes, he was a high school drop out. Yes, he never came to school and this could only end badly. Yes, I would probably date him. Oh dear God get a hold of yourself woman!!!! Then I see he has a baby mama and I don't do that drama and I decided it was all over.

However, Christmas is the season about giving. While this whole thing made me laugh, it also made that awkward high school girl in me smile, the one with a lot of ambition and a lot of bad makeup. The one who played with puppets, produced TV programs, and proved that yes, too much eyeliner and mascara can be a horrid thing. In a time in my life where a date was a dream that never came true and guys were more likely to ask me for the plot on the book they read for English class than to be on their arm for homecoming, I felt that part of me smile and get a lil sexy.

Perhaps puppets and books are sexy and there are guys in this world who think so, or perhaps thought so all along.

Either way, it gave my self esteem a boost.

Season's Greetings.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

Come to my book signing
December 27 @ 7pm
Bethel Park Library
5100 W. Library Ave
Bethel Park, PA


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