Friday, December 28, 2012

Messy Hair....

Yesterday morning started with a temporary crown on my tooth. Yes, me going to the dentist and him sticking a needle in my palate, actually two. Then they tried to ply my other temporary thingie off with pliers and when that didnt work they drilled. Despite the numbing it still hurt because it is your freaking nerve. Anyway, they also made me put this thing in my mouth for five minutes. YUCK! After that I went to the rest room because mind you it wasnt even nine in the morning yet when they were doing this. I looked in my mouth and my toof was gone!!!!! I say toof because I feel like the Jamie Foxx character from In Loving Color, the boxer who's name slips my mind. I freaked the hell out! Needless to say they assured me I was getting a temporary crown. So my toof looks almost normal. I just can't chew anything sticky or chew iced cubes. Well they didnt tell me how limited my diet would be. Yesterday was spent living on chili.

Where are Jack and Diane with their chili dogs when you need them under the shady tree? Oops, I wasnt able to eat hot dogs.

My book talk was scheduled last night and it seemed I had all the elements working against me. The day before there was a giant snow storm and the whole town looked like a winter wonderland. A winter wonderland is fun to look at and sled in, but you forget it is a bitch to shovel. Not to mention Mema Ralph had chest pains and had to go to the hospital.

In the end it all worked out. My book talk had a good turn out. I had twenty six people there. Some had read the book and were asking all sorts of questions. Some had not. It was nice to see Becky Sedlock again. It had been a while since I had seen her. She seems to be doing well, about ready to buy her first house. Becky was all grown up. Her brother got married too, and both her siblings were doing adult things. I was like wow, all these years later it is so cool to see her. Plus it was cool to see the Bulger Bruckers, the Bethel Bruckers, and my Godmama. Did I mention it was awesome to see Baldini?

The talk was a success, and it was nice to be back at Bethel Park Library after all these years. I entered through the door. During my days at the access station I used to enter through the basement, next door to the courthouse and adjacent to the police as well. I was happy with the turn out despite the weather, and we had some press which was mondo McAwesome. Plus May Wilson had a few minutes to shine.

Woman is hard to control. She told Richard Crawdaddy to get well. Baldini was there to record.

Well after the book talk I was dropped back to reality. When I got home the pain set in from the dental work I had done that morning. It was time for Advil and time to eat the chili that would most likely run down my face. Plus I had to pack for an early flight. Then off to La La Land.....

That's when I woke up and things really started to get cray cray. Mema Ralph had been admitted into the ICU that morning and they said they she had flat lined. So we had to wake my dad up to go to the hospital because one of my aunts believed my Mema to possibly be near death or dead. To make matters worse, my dad is not a morning person. So my aunts were asking my sister Skipper who is in medical school what was going on and she was filling them in and mind you this is all before five in the morning.

So we are pretty sad and it is a question of whether we should go back to our cities: me to New York and Skipper to Providence when we receive a phone call from one of my aunts that my Mema Ralph is in fact breathing and she is doing okay. However, this forty-eight hours will be critical. Still, that is a big step up from dead which was good. But Skipper, my mom, and I all just were like, "WOW!!!!" I will be keeping my Mema in my prayers. She is eighty-eight, she hates being in the nursing home, and she just wants to go back to her house. I can understand that. Still this morning was intense, scary, draining, and made me feel like I ran a marathon before 5:30 am.

Skipper of course felt a little sad because this summer she had a patient who seemed fine, an older woman, and her vitals even checked out. As a physician in training, Skipper had told the family the woman was fine and other doctors on the floor had too. Within minutes the woman however, unexpectedly had a complication and died. Skipper who's capacity to feel and care surpasses anyone I have ever met to the point of being slightly codependent was having a flashback of sorts and crying in the airport, overflowing with empathy. I had to give Dr. Sco a hug. Poor little thing.

I found myself wanting to cry myself and then bang my head against the wall. Cry because I am terrified for my Mema Ralph but bang my head against the wall because it is so much at once so early in the morning. Then it occurred to me, my temporary crown may fall out.

Just when I think my morning is over, I get to my gate. The show is over now, right?

Oh no.

A few summers ago I worked retail before graduating from college. There was this horrid woman who worked on display. Her hair was blood red and it looked like it was cut by your local weed whacker. Anyway, she was always trying to get me fired because she was insane. Her husband apparently had just "disappeared." Some say he ran off, I think she killed him. She accused me of wrecking her displays on ten different occasions when I was innocent. Finally one day I just got sick of her and decided I would give McCray Cray something real to cry about. I did by giving her display a huge shove. They fired me.

Well there she was. Her hair was no longer blood red but some disaster combination of highlights and low lights. She had the same crazy eye makeup, and a husband who wore a pink shirt which was too much for me to comprehend that early.

I thought of bitchy things to say. They went as follows:

1. "Remember the time I wrecked your shiteous display? Well I wrote about it in MY BOOK!"

2. It's been a long time. I didnt recognize you with that passable hair. Did they change your meds?

3. Are you still doing display? My friends design displays in New York City. But then again, it actually requires talent to work in that market.

4. I remember when your last husband just disappeared. I am so glad to see that you have moved on.

5. Are you going to Fashion Week? I have been twice. Once with Alex Wang and once with Betsey Johnson. Ooops, you have to be invited.

As I brainstormed bitchy things to say it occurred to me that this woman was not worth my time and energy. While it would be great to get the best of her, the better revenge was living well. She looked like she was painted, a nobody trying to be somebody.

That's when one of Chacho's best quotes popped in my head, "A nobody trying to be somebody is the worst kind of nobody there is."

And that's when another Chacho maneuver came to mind. If this woman were to engage me I would use the, "Excuse me, who are you again? I don't believe I know you." Chacho explained it was the gay beings shady way of dealing with crazy people once.

I didnt need to do it. Instead we met eyes once and she just had this pissed off look in her face, as if she couldnt face me. Or she wanted to chew me out for wrecking her display but knew in her mind she got her medicine and I could serve it up again. Still, it was wild to see someone I rightfully smeared in my book on the flight.

Oye vey. I am back in my city and it is cold as one of the layers of hell in Dante's Inferno.

Traffic was a mess.

I need a day off and it hasn't even started yet.

One more cup of coffee, a bagel, and a brush.

Cause I have messy hair.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

Portion of the proceeds go to Sandy Hook Elementary School until January 7, 2013.


  1. Way to go April..hang in there..praying for your loved dad is 83 and I take care of him, so I understand what you're going through. Glad the signin' went very cool.Plus you handle cray cray from the past very well., Keep on and have a happy new year.

  2. Champ, you are the man. I have said it a thousand times. Older rels are hard, especially when they want to do things their own way. My grandma is notorious for not listening to doctors. I need to do a signing down your way. The weather is warm, plus it would be a chance to chill with you.