Saturday, May 18, 2013

"I Have Morals"

I have run into women in my travels that are some serious sluts. The feminist in me hates that word. I more or less like sexually expressive. But I use sluts when referring to these women because that is who they are. I use the derogatory term because on top of being easy they are downright hypocrites. They are the kind of girls who dress in clothes that show you their ta tas and then act like they are selling their asses. That is when they say the phase we all detest, "I have morals."

I went to high school with this girl who was kind of goofy. She dyed her hair a horrific strawberry blonde color and had transferred in from the Christian school. Anyway, she had a habit of dating black dudes, and white meat and dark meat didn't mix where I grew up. People made fun of her constantly for this. Of course, she was having unsafe sex and had no plans of wrapping it up. So every month she was having a pregnancy scare again. At the time another friend of mine and I were reading a book by Aleister Crowley and she said she was worried about our souls. Meanwhile she is the one humping her black boyfriend who was getting arrested weekly without a condom. Not knocking chocolate, but the Bible sort of looks down on witchcraft and premartial sex the same. Oh and she was anti-gay, very anti-gay. I think she forgets once upon a time her boyfriend would be hanging from the tree for the felacio she was giving. Anyway time passed and she dumped him. She ended up dating another black dude who had just gotten out of boys home when they met. Guess who got knocked up and didn't finish high school? Well they have two kids and he has no job. Oh and she disfriended me on facebook for a pro-choice post I made. Now she has a whole page where it is pictures of her in hoochie coochie shots where her boobs are showing and her tits hang out. Not to mention she is parading around her beige babies and posts about how "God won't give her man a job." No, your man is just lazy. The best is she talks about how she hates Obama and actively campaigned for Romney because he was Christian. Newsflash Ho, if Romney got elected you and your mixed kiddies would be staff at his events. Oh and he would take away the food stamps and welfare your family lives on. (Yes, she actually posted about this). She says Lil Wayne needs a prayer. Of course this is after she not only posts a sleazy photo of herself followed by a Christian rock song. Yes, he might need a prayer but bitch you need a brain.

Second in line is the daughter of family friends. Her father and stepfather are great people but she is spoiled like rotten milk. Growing up she was always the pretty kid with the easy life until her ass got knocked up and she had to leave college. Her pops wanted to kill her baby daddy but I vouched for the dude because I knew him. They had a good relationship for a minute but she was a brat and drove him away. Yeah he didn't want to be you! Well I had no problem with the Little Princess turned Breeding Lump until one day I posted a pro-choice joke on facebook. It was harmless. Little Princess Turned Breeding Lump didn't think so. She went on a huge rant about how she chose life for her son because she believes in God and has morals and I had no right to say what I did and didn't know what she had been through, and Little Princess Turned Breeding Lump disfriended me! After I made sure her dad didn't kill her sperminator. Oh and not to mention she chose to have the child. It's not my fault her selfish ass regrets it. Then she gave an interview to a local TV station about how God helped her through her ordeal as a single mother. Meanwhile she completed college and her stepmom raised the kid! Oh and she made sure she told us her kid made the putrid finger painting in Bible School. And then she got a stupid role in some movie because her dad has connex and when they asked her if she did a topless scene she said, "No, I have morals." Meanwhile she did a scene where she had a softcore lesbian encounter on a trampoline with another woman. In another post she came out very aggressively against gay people. Oh and this is someone who had a child out of wedlock. Now she keeps a blog whining about the man she married and how her new baby has issues and how she has to see a therapist. Oh and God is guiding her and she says nutty things about Jesus. Maybe it is better we aren't friends. Little Princess Turned Breeding Lump is tiring. Perhaps her parents are lying and saying she was adopted. Sure she is a Little Princess Turned Breeding Lump that no one with half a brain could stand without an entire bottle of Jack Daniels. Sure she popped a baby out of her vagine out of wedlock. Sure she will not pose topless but will do a lesbian scene. But she is pro-life, attends a Bible Chapel, and has morals. Translated, she can be an asshole who has so much sex during high school that she probably banged her head under the bleachers while taking the high ground. Jesus says she can.

Of course last but not least was Kimberly, the Jets Cheerleader. Kimberly was vapid as the day was long. I mean, with a name like Kimberly what else could you do with yourself except wiggle and say stupid things. This walking set of exposed flesh would not have been so annoying except she was a Christian. When I met her I knew I was in danger because she said Taylor Swift lyrics were deep. Yes, Ms. Swift and the Backstreet Boys along with Beiber are breaking the intellectual barriers of Jim Morrison, NOT! Well I was chatting with some other folks cause it was a sports thing and dazzling them with my sports trivia. Kimberly Kim takes a stab and says my info isn't factual. I choose to ignore her because she probably does a spread eagle every week for some rich man. That was one of the way she made the squad. Well during the course of the shoot Kimberly says she is a Christian and has a special relationship with Jesus. Oh and then she comes down on Ben Roethlisberger and says he has poor morals. She says as a Christian she can't support him. Okay, maybe Big Ben does need work in that department but she is a cheerleader for the Jets. Essentially she poses in skimpy outfits, shows men her boobs, and isn't supposed to talk. Now we know why. Oh and the Jets are the most corrupt organization in the NFL. Rex Ryan sucks his wife's toes. Sanchez dates underaged girls. Comrarie has eight children with four different women and seldom pays support. Santonio Holmes drives brazenly under the influence, and coaches play on the sidelines cheating. Yes, the Steelers may have issues but the Jets have their own layer of hell if we want to play the moral game. But she was dumb so I just didn't get into it. Then Ms. Kimberly Kim told us she and her boyfriend, another follower of Christ, were moving in together. She too proceeded to say gays deserved AIDS. Pretty strong statements from a scantily clad woman living in sin. When I got home I googled Kimberly Kim and saw she was on the Jets calender in a bikini, with her hands in a suggestive place looking as if to slip the panties off. Of course she was on her knees poised for the touchdown money shot. Carrie Prejean much? I guess a blow job outside of marriage is okay because it is a straight blow job. And while we are at it, she can do whatever she wants. She has Jesus and morals. Oh and Kimberly Kim probably does anal. As we all know that doesn't count.

I am not knocking slutty women. May Wilson is slutty. I have met many porn stars and strippers and liked them. Some of my greatest friends have been whores and hustlers in the most technical sense. But they were my friends because they were true to who they were. They didn't front. They didn't take the high ground. They said, "This is me, take it or leave it." Oh and they had a sense of humor about it. If you asked them about God they would say they were probably going to hell. If there is a hell and my friends are there they better save me a seat. That way we can talk about all these Christians getting the flames after they get fisted by a demon. Hey, lying is a sin, right?


I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
Portion of proceeds go to Greenpeace

PS. Book signing at Brown Bookstore Saturday May 25 from 4-6. Be there or be square

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