Sunday, May 5, 2013

Fear n Faith

Lately I have been doing a lot of what they call showing up for my creativity. I have been sending book pitches and proposals for book talks. Yes, some people like my writing style. I am upfront and some even say funny. Actually a lot of people say funny. Other people don't like me. I am not always politically correct and not always what they call "nice." I find nice and mean stupid people words. Oh something is nice. Elaborate please. Oh well it is nice. Or you are so mean. How am I mean? You are just mean.

Anytime I have been called mean it is always by a stupid person on youtube. I cannot explain it. Oye vey.

There is so much fear that nothing will pan out. I am at a weird place on the ladder. While I am not a household name, fans have recognized me on the street. On top of that I have been on TV several times. People at shows have recognized me. My book has been reviewed by Mensa and was featured on Britney Spears's website. And yes, I even have some fancy friends. People also brag about knowing me. I have been gossipped about online. I have people so jealous that they want to shake the ladder I am steadily climbing. Oh and I have also written for some highly trafficked news sources. In addition, my videos receive a lot of views.

On the other hand, while I have been on TV plenty it is still not enough to pay the bills on it's own so I am working a day job. I am lucky to like my day job. Actually I have been delivering to some very nice people lately. And while I am "too famous" for some things, I am not famous enough for others. I can still get bumped at clubs by washed up male comedians who rest on their laurels believing they are still important enough to bully junior producers. Oh and then there are the users who will cut me from a show because of the content of my act but still use me on the poster to promote because of my fame. Lets see, I am not important enough to be included in some collections with my work but they have seen me on TV. Oh yeah, and because I am part of a smaller house I have to push my book on my own.

Lately I have been working A LOT which is good and also performing a lot. While I detest mics I have learned no one cares who I think I am. It is more the chip on my shoulder than anything. I am there to work, not to gossip about a bunch of no ones who believe that they are someone. I am there to get better, not to get into trouble. I am there to become a better comedian, not to be the great I am. And yes, I have done great things, past tense. We cannot have yesterday's funny do the work of the funny today.

It is a tenuous place on the ladder as I said.

This morning I delivered a telegram to a very nice family in Brooklyn. The guy was eighty years old and he was VERY COOL. Kind of reminded me of my grandfather. Sure it was a pain in the ass getting out of bed and kind of far in Brooklyn, Dyker Heights, but the trip was worth it. These people were WONDERFUL.

I like that I have a job that enables me to make people laugh. The world is such a messed up place where people are so angry all the damn time. I like making sunshine and rainbows for as corny as that sounds.

There are a lot of things coming up. I have two stores interested in carrying my book. In addition I am also starting the musical and one woman version of my musical. While we are there I also am releasing an audiobook and have a book signing at Brown. Things are good. Oh and a pilot I am working on has been passed to phase two.

As I walked to the train today I saw the Cherry Blossoms on the trees and the pieces of spring begin to tangle with the air. I know in my heart for as much as I fear what is next-me potentially not getting what I want-I know I have to have faith.

I know that on my journey as an artist, as a person, and as an activist, I have not been carried this car in order to be dropped.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
Portion of proceeds go to Greenpeace

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