Last night was kind of wild. I boarded the train to do a
burlesque show in Brooklyn. When I got on the train I found myself minding my own
business when my friend Pauly steps on. Pauly and I go way back and well, he is
Pauly. In the season of the Aries he just had a birthday. Not to mention Pauly
is crazy as hell and is on a permanent fitness kick. It had been forever and a
day since I saw him because he moved downtown.
So Pauly is telling me about his life and is showing me a
picture of his Filipino girlfriend who is very pretty. She is a nurse and
apparently she can cook quite well. I was glad things were working out so well
for him. While I will probably be single forever, I can enjoy when guy meets
girl and it doesn’t end in a high speed chase.
Just then I hear someone say, “Are you April?”
I look across and it is a young, nice looking black male in
a track suit. Very quickly I am thinking, how do I know this young man? “Yes.”
I reply. This is very strange. I am telling myself he is probably not a
stalker. A stalker wouldn’t be as friendly. And I don’t believe I owe him
money. But who is this mysterious stranger is the track suit?
That is when he says, “I am Dorian from Younow.” I am like
WTF?!?! How many times have I chatted with this sweetie that graduated from MIT
via chatroom on YouNow during my tenure as a host on there? I always found
Dorian smart, sweet, and witty. Not to mention he was knowledgeable as heck
about a lot of things. My mouth dropped open. This nice looking black man in
the track suit was not a stalker or a former boyfriend but someone who I dealt
with many a time via chat room, email, and any other online communication. Not
to mention when I opened up about some shiteous things that happened in my past
he and his friends were mucho supportive. So lets just say it was a pleasant
surprise.
I asked how he recognized me. Dorian said, “I saw you
through your sunglasses and heard your voice.” Wowsa, I will never be able to
prank call anyone ever.
I promptly introduced Pauly and Dorian. Two stops later
Pauly departed and Dorian and I caught up. I asked this youngin, who had been
but a zygote out of MIT when we met, how life was treating him. Dorian was
still hard at work at YouNow and was living in Clinton Hill. Oh and that pretty
girlfriend that he had that was working at Google was now his fiancé. My jaw dropped
open. Oh how these kids grow up so fast. I asked him how he proposed and
apparently Dorian sent her on a scavenger hunt and then the last stop was the
first place they met and he proposed. How romantic! Oh and the wedding is this
July. A few stops later Dorian departed but it was awesome to finally get to
meet him in person. Lesson learned. A mysterious man in a track suit is a
friend you should have in your neighborhood.
I finally got to Lucky 13 Saloon in Park Slope. When I
walked in the bar TV had Santa Claus
Versus The Martians playing. It is one of the best/worst movies ever. As I
glanced on the screen I saw Santa had just been kidnapped so the Martian
children could have Christmas. Of course the dialogue was less than audible,
not that it was really worth hearing, over the heavy metal music. First was
Korn, than Slipknot and then a slew of other angry white kid bands that I liked
as a teenager. I met one of the people affiliated with the show who told me
they were very anxious to see me and to make myself at home. Then I promptly
walked over to the bar where several scantily clad go go girls were doing their
thing. One was dressed in something skimpy and black and the other in a
Catholic school girl outfit. I told myself whatever happened this evening would
be memorable.
Just as I got my soda I heard, “You’re April Brucker!” I
turned around and standing there was a man in a suit with a red tie. He had on
a stylish hat and sported a small chin beard that was a mix of soul patch and
goatee. I prayed I hadn’t accidentally dated him or owed him money. However,
seeing him after seeing the stranger in the track suit that turned out to be
Dorian Dargan was a little crazy.
“Yes.” I said.
“I’m Chad Russell.” He extended his hand and I shook it.
Chad Russell! Chad and I had been talking online for God knows how long. He was
a fan of mine and online friend who I was quite fond of. Chad had been plotting
to come see one of my shows for sometime and it just simply never worked out.
But now here he was and I was about to perform with May. Needless to say he
hung out at this bar all the time and just happened to walk in. This was a
pleasant surprise and beyond wild. I told him about my chance meeting with
Dorian and asked if whatever was up there was trying to send me a message. Chad
and I talked about whether or not his was an omen. While we both believe that
God or whatever higher power runs the universe can send one omens we also think
omen is a big word. But maybe this was all an omen. Either way, there were
nearly naked women jiggling on the bar top in a biker den. This was how most
omen like stories started in my experience. Now I was in one perhaps.
The performers on the show trickled in, and with them was
Angry Bob. It had been forever since I had seen Bob who was one of my first
friends in comedy. I introduced Bob and Chad and we all caught up. Soon joining
the part was Todd Montesi who was also on the show, and then Jessica Stern.
Jessica and I had met at Ray Payton’s funeral. To give you an idea, Ray’s
cousin wanted to roast Ray at his wake and Jessica started the roasting. She
said Ray had hit on her. And then I went next and mentioned Ray hit on me too.
This was followed by every woman in the room coming to the realization that Ray
Payton had hit on them. We talked about coming to Ray’s grave in lingerie teddy’s
just to screw with his dead spirit this summer. All jokes aside he was our
friend but still. Jessica and I laughed and were jumping up and down screaming
like two school girls on crack. It was fun and the show hadn’t even started.
Finally the show began almost an hour late and the host took
the stage. Steve was funny in that dufus absent minded kind of way. I told
myself with the biker types at the bar this show could either be sink or swim.
The girls were all tattooed, and the guys looked like they could win a prison
fight. The entire time before Steve took the stage they had been oogling over
the scantily clad women and putting dollar bills in their G-Strings. Hey, you
gotta pay the rent, right?
The show began with the burlesque dancer and than more naked
women jiggling on the bar top. Angry Bob then took the stage and freaking
killed it. I always like seeing my friends kill it no matter where they are
killing it. Bob took down the house and sold a few CD’s. Bob’s victory over the
crowd felt like a good sign for me. Usually crowds that like Bob are usually
crowds that like me. And those crowds are rough and tumble people who ride
motorcycles and might be likely to bite off your ear. But hey, they wanna
laugh, right?
The burlesque dancer did a few more numbers and then there
were more scantily clad women and more comedy. As the night progressed, I found
myself floating in and out of the bar. Because there was a lot packed into one
night, it was getting very late. During the course of the evening a guy with
long, curly hair by the name of Chris entered the bar. He looked slightly like someone
who would have worked or partied with Madonna back in the day. He had skin that
was a caramel color, sported a leather jacket, and had long hair. During the
interlude with heavy metal music I found myself thinking, “You are cute enough
to ruin my life with.”
We went outside and talked where he revealed he was a Libra.
This was already trouble. A Libra man is a flirt who has a girl in every port,
and is most often the lollipop that everyone has licked. Still he was adorable.
He revealed he played guitar and that was his only woman. Also that he was a
Columbian from Sunset Park. My experience has told me to give up Latin men for
Lent. However Lent is over and it has been a terribly long winter. Still I told
myself to be careful. That is when the Columbian who introduced himself as
Chris took me in his arms and kissed me. I was totally taken aback. Sure I was
attracted to him but never expected the instant passion. I kissed him right
back. Why not? Then I was interviewed as a part of the video for the show and
Chris jumped into frame with me as my man candy.
As the night went on it finally came time for me to perform.
After much go go dancing they were ready for what I had to offer. I knew it was
going to be a task but I had to wake this crowd up. So I did some crowd work,
they laughed. Good sign. As they were hooked I took May out and immediately
they were charmed. In a burlesque set I usually do I had a male audience member
take off my trench coat in order to reveal a bikini. The audience went wild.
Then I invited two of the Go Go Girls to join May and I for a brief dance.
Maybe this wasn’t standup per se but this was a wild night. Sometimes the best
thing you can do is just roll with shit. The audience loved it and people got
photos. May and I finished our set and I put her away. Then I made a hottie who
wandered in my human puppet and he totally ate it up as did the audience. Maybe
this set was not getting me on Comedy Central but it is what they would call “fun
as fuck” in the world of basement comedy.
When I was done I changed into my sweats. It was getting
cold wearing no clothing. I wonder how porn stars do it for serious. I ended up
hawking a few books and making some new friends. Of course I went outside to
get some air, Chris followed, and then he took me in his arms and kissed me
again. I kissed back and it is safe to say we made out a little. Believe it or
not I am sort of on the shy side so he had to do all the pursuing. But it didn’t
last that long. I had to go in for Jessica’s set and girl rocked it out!
We ended up leaving as people were eating the sushi that was
put on one of the Go Go girls for edible purposes plus more. Jessica was my
ride home, and the entire time we lamented about all the crazy Latin men we had
dated. As we were cruising down the high way remembering our jail bird
boyfriends in that mix we accidentally almost ran a red light or two. I made a
joke about how a high speed chase would have been perfect for an evening such
as this.
Well then it was time to take the Easy Pass lane. Jessica
tries to find her Easy Pass sticker while driving. We are laughing and she is
trying to drive and we almost crash the car. So then I offer to find the
sticker. I do as we don’t die, good times. Well then we try to make the sticker
work but it doesn’t work, it’s low on funds, McShitstorm. So then there is no
one working at the toll booth. That is when Jess decides to back up and pull
into the other toll lane. Well then as we are there this mean, nasty cop
appears. He tells Jessica that her maneuver is going to cost her two points on
her license. As if! Because of the phantom toll booth action going on we had to
do whatz we had to do McYo Yo. So Jess starts trying to bargain with the cop
because he came out of no where and there was no one in the toll booth. Finally
I beg the cop to let her go and not to shave points off of her license. So he
lets us go. We learned our lesson.
We got out of there and talked about how if we failed in
comedy we could either be traffic cops or toll booth operators. Neither really
work it seems. But we almost got our high speed chase. Nonetheless, I think I
have a new friends. Actually new friends.
To more adventures with Chad Russell!
To more wild gigs with Angry Bob!
To more run ins with Dorian Dargan and broadcasting online
again!
To more fun with my new girlie pal and more adventures with
Jessica Stern!
To more ruining my life with long haired guitar players!
(Okay maybe not but it sounds fun).
LoveAprilI Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
www.youtube.com/aprilthestarr
Portion of proceeds go to Greenpeace
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