Sunday, December 19, 2010

Picture Says A Thousand Words

Sure I don't know how to rotate the photo but maybe fate will send me a romantic partner I can verbally abuse. Until that time I need to take the verbal abuse from May and we need to get ready to shoot for Wealth TV
One of my fave pics of myself. My ex-fiance took it. We got engaged on the third date and the whole relationship ended in disaster complete with seperate mailing address. Maybe he didn't want to be gainfully employed let alone treat me with respect, but he did take a good photo of me.
Two and a half years ago this photo was taken. At the time I was dating a guy who bored me to death and had a mother and lady friend who both need to burn in the pits of hell. Rest assured though, this photo was taken on the day that I decided to stop being faithful to that prick. No wonder I looked so happy......someone was doing more than snapping with the photog man ;)

Getting ready for the Red and White Party. May was in the suitcase. Yes, I don't know how to rotate the photo and spend much too much time around gay men.

Awkward Moments in Singing Telegram Delivery

Tonight I was delivering a singing telegram, a princess to a little girl. Anyway, I was dressed from head to toe in my perfect Disney-esque costume. I sang “Someday My Prince Will Come” and put a crown on the child and even let her keep the wand, all purchased at the local dollar store for four bucks. Anyway, the telegram was well received and I got a nice tip. So I went upstairs and got changed back into my street clothes to get back to the train station.
When I got downstairs I waited for my ride and storming in their living room comes a blonde woman in tears. She says to a guy who looks like he could be the heart throb on Staten Island Days of Our Lives, “Your wife is a bitch.”
The guy, who looks like his name is Joey or Sal says, “Excuse me?” And then she repeats herself. Te guy shrugs and walks over to talk to me. He figures screw this shit. This is a cat fight and I ain’t getting involved. So a few seconds later this woman walks out. She looks like an older version of J Wow from Jersey Shore after fifteen years of marriage, too many hard bar nights, and two kids plus stretch marks. So she says to this woman, “What’s going on?”
This blonde woman is now steamed up and says, “You are a bitch. What the fuck did you have to say that about my dog? Don’t you know my dog has cancer.”
“I was just kidding.” The older J Wow apologized.
Meanwhile my ride was looking for his coat and couldn’t find his keys. The entire time he gave me an awkward look as if he wasn’t planning on this stranger seeing how dysfunctional his family could be. So as he ran around the husband Sal, the Staten Island heart throb, approaches me to hit on me. He says, “I’ll take Cinderella home.”
Figuring things are already awkward enough I said, “Want to be Prince Charming.” As soon as I said this another guy at the party offered to take me back to the train station. Needless to say, for as entertaining as this cat fight was over the cancer dog I figured this was the perfect exit.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

We hate you heidi jones

I'm a lying bitch whore cunt and I am even giving the Nazi salute. Setting back the women's movement a few hunded years, yay!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Break on Through (The Doors)

Lately I have had the blues. The holidays always do it to me. I don’t know what it is. When Christmas comes I am fine. When the New Year comes I could care less. It’s another year, big deal. However before Christmas it is always blue to the point where Billie Holiday and I could drink some whiskey. She would be singing. I would be bobbing my head along. I don’t know what it is. Actually I do.
I have been thinking a lot about my friend Roger who passed away two months ago. In my heart I knew he was going to leave this Earth and perhaps his passing would have been a blessing. My friend was ill. It was asthma, a heart condition, Hep C and yes the big old HIV. On top of that he had caught syphilis along the way. Roger did every drug there was aside from weed (he said that made people stupid even though he did crystal meth and heroin). Priding himself in once being one of the biggest pushers in NYC, he sold drugs to Angel Melendez, the dealer and eventual murder victim of Michael Alig. When he walked, he walked the runway with the Revlons nabbing every ball title there. Roger was the real deal. I remember he would call me at two o’clock in the morning just to talk because his meds made it impossible for him to sleep. Once I told him I wished he was making the stuff he told me up. Roger would  say, “I don’t lie. I am such a jerkoff I would probably screw it up.” And then he would let out that cackle that would make the fact that he pissed me off by waking me up fade.
Roger wasn’t dumb. He knew he was going to die. Yet he insisted on partying harder than ever. Towards the end I had to distance the friendship because he was getting too crazy. His health was deteriorating yet he kept picking up men in restrooms and online. As a friend, it was upsetting to see someone who was already down kick themselves even more. Roger wasn’t crazy though, he knew he didn’t have much time left so he was going to party it up in any way he could and it was something that I didn’t understand then but do now. One doc wanted him to go to cardiac rehab, but Roger elected to go to Puerto Rico. Although he didn’t live to make it out there, yours truly was invited. For some reason with Roger I always was. Whenever he was in the hospital he would always ask that someone let me know where he was. Roger didn’t trust very many people but for some reason he trusted me. He described us as a fag and his hag. Then we would trade raunchy sex jokes as we checked out guys. OF course Roger would also point out who dealt drugs, was into leather, worked as a high price hooker or was a gay porn star on our walks through Chelsea. When Roger got a huge settlement in a lawsuit involving a car accident, he shamelessly took me out for sushi and even spung for a mani/pedi for yours truly. There were people grabbing at Roger for the money the government gave him and the money he gained in the lawsuit, but he wouldn’t budge for them. Roger did things on his own terms and he had to like you. For some reason he always liked me.
I remember finding out that he died I wasn’t surprised. Roger had been sick. He also had been a God awful patient. One time he called me to visit him in the hospital and he complained that he hated the food and he wanted a pizza. I got him a greasy slice and he ate like a starving African child. Then the doctor came in and said to him, “Your cholesterol levels have shot up.” Roger would have an evil grin on his face and I would give that look as if I had just been used as an illegal pizza connection. The doctor would leave and Roger would say, “How else was I supposed to get dream boat to talk to me?” While I would want to strangle him myself, somehow I couldn’t because I was too busy laughing.
However when I found out Roger died it was after they had buried him. The whole thing came as a shock because well, it was kind of fast. I realize his family had their reasons for keeping a lot of his friends away from the funeral because of the circles Roger had once run in. Those circles led Roger to do drugs, sell drugs, commit credit card fraud, and ultimately become a guest of the state for two years. Roger never made the decisions he did because he was dumb. No, if you spoke to him it was in fact the opposite. He rolled the system and got Gucci. That takes brain power. Roger’s problem was that he was born in the world where there was no place for him yet it was too small for his liking anyway. Sure his family never accepted the gay brother or gay son, but no runway in the world could be big enough for the sparkles this diva threw and if you threw shade at my boy he would put you in a black hole, end of story. Plus there was probably lots Roger was never busted for because unlike many a criminal he knew never to brag. Once his twelve sponsor told him to start sharing. Roger replied, “Hell no. I don’t want to incriminate myself.”
The crazy thing is, I didn’t feel the sense of loss with Roger until recently. The week of his death I was busy filming an indie that I had the lead in and also doing work for a project I pitched not to mention just working a lot period. It seemed a mute point to cry. Somehow Julissa, John,Joey, Jorge, Adira, Amy, Bobby and some of the others were easier to let go of. However I wasn’t nearly as close with them as I was with Roger. Plus many died rather quickly, while Roger wasted away over time. He went from the Queen of the Runway who even went to Paris on his illegal funds to someone reduced to being in hospitals, living with family, and sleeping with a diaper. All because he wouldn’t and couldn’t stop rebelling and running.
They say people are put in our lives for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. I know part of being Roger’s friend sometimes was not choking him sometimes. I know part of being Roger’s friend was seeing him sick. Also, part of being Roger’s friend being able to let go when he died because it was inevitable. I now know the reason for our friendship. Roger was placed in my life as a wakeup call to educate me about a series of yets I had to encounter. We both were attracted to men who were bad for us, particularly the ones that were married, and liked every second of a chaotic romance that could . We were kindred spirits. That’s why it was never a problem for me to elude security at St. Luke’s Roosevelt in order to stay passed visiting hours. We were kindred spirits. And that’s why he always got pissed when I took chances with men who were below me because he knew it would cost me dear. Let me tell you Roger had some choice words for me on several occasions. Too bad he never lived to follow his own advice.
For as painful as it is I think it is time I stop being a bad girl. I had my fun. It is no longer a contest once your friends start dying. In a way it will be weird because it is what I know so well, bad boys and the wrong kind of people. Sometimes part of me still wants to up a girl when she talks about the bad guys in her past, but I know I one up them all by having a prison escapee as well as an assorted collection of other less than desirables. Still in the end what is the prize? My friend got about a billion trips to the hospital and a billion more doctor’s appointments all expenses paid by Medacaid. And for the people who think I am becoming vanilla by not wanting the same degenerates guess what? The April who is vanilla is doing well with her life and has real friends. If that makes me a softie because I want to go somewhere and change to make something out of myself then so be it. Who needs the approval of the hardcore people who’s lives are spent rebelling without a cause and acting like entitled children? Who needs street cred when in the end it just leads to the Land of Bad Decisions, a place that is nothing but hell, a hell that I escaped and have no intention of returning to.
Right now I am sort of parallel parked in the Land of Feelings and fucking hate the scenery. It’s what an old blog reader of mine used to call it. She told me to stay there for a while even though it hurt. Though we don’t speak, partially because things ended badly with her son who I was dating at the time, it was good advice because this too shall pass. While it will pass for me, my friend never got to this destination because for someone who was the life of the party what was ultimately inside was too scary to look at and facing the sadness over a world that rejected him was too much. These days I have compassion for people who have HIV and have been involved in some activism as well as outreach and education for people both gay and straight to remove the stigma. I also am somewhat active in LGBTQ politics, in particular rights for homeless LGBTQ youth, because that had been a cause Roger had championed. Most of all, I detest prejudice or homophobia in any form. God knew what he was doing when he made Roger as well as any gay person out there, and if God doesn’t make mistakes. If He wanted them straight they would have been born straight. End of story.
Still, why did I have to come to these understandings as a friend of mine wasted away in front of me? Why couldn’t Roger have lived? Even sick why didn’t he slow down for a few minutes? Why did he have to dance into the wind as fast as he did? I remember the scene in Philadelphia where Denzel Washington tells the kid who tries to pick him up in the drug store, “It is behavior like this that ages people fifty years.” While the quote was ugly it was true because I saw it happen right in front of my eyes with my boy, who the last time we spoke mentioned he had picked up a bug chaser in a doorway. I remember Roger was disgusted because this kid was seeking HIV whereas Roger knew it was a bunch of crock. Being positive didn’t make Roger a member of a community like all bug chasers allege, but rather it made him feel more isolated because of the stigma, and that is why he lived faster and faster even though he continued to fade away.
On my door hangs pictures of old movie stars as well as many of the people in the documentary Paris is Burning. In addition are other drag queens who are successful, some that I have worked with. Among them I have placed Roger’s photo because that is where he would have wanted to be. There is a nasty text from a wannabe boyfriend who is less than desirable wanting free service, a facebook message from an eighteen year old kid with some nasty wording, and an incoming call from a married suitor I once had wanting to rekindle the spark even though he won’t leave his wife.
 Yet out of the corner of my ear I hear the words Roger once said to me when I was talking shit and bragging about being stupid. He said, “Sweetie, you see how sick I am. You don’t want this.”
In honoring Roger’s memory I am going to continue to do well with my life and shy away from making stupid decisions. Sure, it might be hard to say goodbye to the bad boys and the shady friends who were such characters. However my friend didn’t give that up and that’s why he is no longer with us. When the world lost Roger they lost one of the smartest, funniest, and most genuine people that ever walked this Earth. I buried one of the greatest friends I have ever had. Although he will always very much be alive in my heart, it is time I bury that part of my life too.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Top 10 Sports Movies

Every year, since my baby sister Brenna won the Wendy’s High School Heisman, I get to go to the Heismans and partake in the festivities. I count sports luminaries such as Archie Griffin, two time Heisman winner (the only one in the history of the game) as well as Janet Hill (mother to NBA great Grant Hill and wife NFL great Alvin Hill). So during this weekend I always think of my favorite sports movies of all time. Because two things bring America together, sports and sports movies.
10. Necessary Roughness- A guy who was a college football great of sorts comes out of retirement to play major league ball and there is even a new love interest. As I remember, there is also quite a butt scene. It is funny, cute and in the guy gets the girl. What can I say? I am one for cheesy endings and  one for boy meets girl. Though the guy did turn into a loser before coming back to the field, why can’t I snag a football player?
9. The Last Boy Scout-This is a combination of Bruce Willis working with retired pro football player Damon Wayans. The film is a combination of comedy and a combination of blowing things up, two things Damon Wayans did before we went nuts and Bruce Willis did before he got old and fat. Either way, still a favorite.
8. Sand Lot- What summer baseball season can’t start out with watching this movie about a bunch of neighborhood misfits playing baseball in a sand lot? It is a combination of baseball, hi-jinx and coming of age that still tickles my heart to this day. There is something about an unathletic fat kid with a Jew fro that still warms my heart.
7. League of Their Own- Well Duh. I have to love this one. It has my girls Rosie O, Queen Madge, and Geena D. Aside from being a complete chick flick that makes me laugh, cry and am glad I am a woman so I can get away with these things, it gave us the famous line, “There is no crying in baseball.” How many times a day do you say that?
6. Sixth Man-This is a combination comedy and tear jerker about a kid who’s brother dies in a freak accident while shooting b-ball, but comes back as a ghost to help the team win. While it is hoaky and predictable it makes me laugh after all these years and not to mention has a special place in my heart because me and my smurfette Sco (Smurfette being little sister and Sco her nickname. Relax my folks weren’t that hard up) are quite close.
5. Any Given Sunday-It’s Jamie Foxx, Cameron Diaz and the lure of professional football. With a mix of comedy, drama and gritty truth it gives you a glimpse of what these made to play pro football pulverizing machines go through. Also, it is the scene where LL Cool J and Jamie Foxx had their famous off the camera fist fight. A must see, especially since it’s Ollie Stone in charge of the directing.

4. Angels in the Outfield- Yes there had to be a Disney film that made the list. This one is funny as Roger, a disenfranchised foster child’s dead beat father informs him that the only way they will be a family again is if the Anaheim Angels win the pennant. So coming to Roger’s rescue is a guardian angel named Al who not only tickles the funny bone helping to deliver a heart warming, family friendly story. It is one of my favorites of all time and teaches us about what is really important in life.
3. Major League-Yes I said Major League. Funny as hell. LMFAO. Charlie Sheen before he truly went cat shit crazy. Still gets me laughing after all these years when he plays the non-acting acting role of the bad boy always getting into trouble. Makes me laugh and makes me look forward to the Yankees.
2. The Blind Side-The true story of how Michael Orr of the Baltimore Ravens went from being a big, shy, quiet homeless indigent who wandered in and out of foster care to being adopted by a white family who not only became his legal guardians but fearlessly called him their son even going so far to put him on the Christmas card. In addition it is fun to see Sandra Bullock give an Oscar winning performance sticking it to Jesse James. Also, the husband of Sandra Bullock’s character has the best line after meeting Michael Orr’s tutor played by Kathy Bates, “Who’d ever think we’d have a black son before we knew a Democrat?”
1. The Express-A classic, this is the lifestory of Ernie Davis, the first black Heisman. Until this movie came out, the story of this young man was not told. Hailing from Elmira, New York, he played for Syracuse in the days of segregation and racism, going so far as to experience a riot as a result of his presence in the Cotton Bowl as well as not being escorted out of the banquet soon after receiving the Best Player Award because he happened to be black. Ernie Davis unfortunately succumbed to leukemia before being able to suit up for his first pro-game. However, the film paints a young man who was not only a talent on the field, but a true class act off. A role model and a hero for people of all races, people like Ernie Davis are what the scandal tainted world of pro sports is missing these days. As a bonus now not only have their been plenty of black Heisman winners, but his people now dominate the sport. Hey, good thing we ended segregation, otherwise pro football would be a bunch of white guys who wouldn’t run.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Wonder Woman and May

These two girls, fierce as can be, stole their wardrobe from Katherine Withuwhip and Harmonica Sunbeam. Finishing touches were added by Miss Rox Lotsacock