Thursday, May 26, 2011

Losers of the Week

I have been following the Casey Anthony case from the beginning. I have one thing to say, Casey, you are a rotten bitch who deserves to burn in hell for the evil that you are. Let’s look at the case from beginning to end. Casey’s mother is looking for her daughter and granddaughter. Cindy, the eternal enabler, smells what smells like a dead body coming from her daughters car. She asks her daughter Casey, high school dropout and neerdowell breeding lump, where Caylee, her baby daughter is. Casey says Caylee has been missing for thirty one days!
Okay let us back up. When I was six I was at an amusement park with my family. I was in the bathroom with my mother and sister. My mother was helping my sister because she was quite small, only three. There wasn’t a big handicapped stall open so I went into one by myself. When I got out I couldn’t find my mother and mistakenly thought she and my sister had left the bathroom. The confusion occurred because the entrance and exit looked alike and unfortunately were not labeled.  I panicked and was all alone. Luckily there was some kindly woman who was there with children herself who saw I was distressed and tried to help me find my family. Meanwhile, my mother, who could not locate me, immediately panicked within seconds and the worst possible scenarios flashed through her mind. Had her little six year old daughter been taken? She combed the bathroom looking for me. She then started to panic, located my dad, and the two were about to alert the park, call the police, appear on the news, comb the land, whatever. Well ten minutes later this stranger, thank God, helped me find my mother. Sure I got yelled at but my folks were very thankful I wasn’t kidnapped, killed or sold into sexual slavery. Bottom line, my mother’s reaction was NORMAL!
So when Cindy asked where Caylee was Casey said she was with a babysitter. Now they had never met this babysitter mind you. No one had because it turns out SHE DIDN’T EXIST. Anyway, the cops combed the land looking for the child and it turns out no one by that name had ever lived in the Saw Grass Apartments that Casey swears Zanida Fernandez Gonzalez, the evil nanny lived in. To top it off, Casey took the police officers to her “office” at Universal. She had been FIRED from there two years previous. Surprise. Then one minute Jesse Grund is the father and then the next he is unnamed and just simply died off. Who’s cooking incest for dinner? Sounds like the Anthony’s with a side of mashed potatoes and corn bread but I digress. The cops called her on her lies, but Casey denied it.  SMELLS LIKE LIAR TO ME.
Of course then there are searches done on Casey’s computer. There are entries for making cholorform and neck breaking. Not to mention a poem written about someone dying. Oh and one of her friends mentioned Casey wanted to give Caylee up for adoption but Cindy wouldn’t allow it. Instead of mourning her daughter’s loss like a normal person with a quarter of a brain and half a heart this bimbo du jour goes out, gets a tattoo, and is partying it up. Then she says she was doing her “own search” for her daughter Caylee. Where, in the toilet of the Fusion nightclub after a drunken night? Or better yet, on the stage of the hot body contest because that is where missing toddlers always turn up you LYING FUCKING CUNT RAG NOT EVEN FIT FOR SATAN’S MENSTRUAL BLOOD!!!!!
Oh and lets talk about the rest of the klan. I use the k version of the word because they are all pure evil mind you. Lee was recorded on tape saying Casey is a pathological liar. Cindy and George go on national TV saying there was pizza in the car, rotting pizza. Meanwhile originally on 911 Cindy said it smelled like a dead body and George who had been a police officer said the smell was unmistakable. The worst part was that George and Cindy have gone on various media outlets defending their daughter who is a clear sociopath. Oh and this girl has no fucking conscience. When she was out on bail she hacked into her best friend’s checking account, brought hundreds of dollars worth of clothes and beer for herself, and bleed her bestie dry. They talk about what a good mother she was. Good mother my ass. CASEY ANTHONY HAD A MOB ON HER LAWN EVERYTIME SHE WAS RELEASED FROM JAIL. THEIR ONLY MISTAKE WAS NOT STRINGING HER UP A LA JUDGE ROY BEAN AND GIVING HER A DOSE OF VIGILANTE JUSTICE ALONG WITH HER WEIRD FUCKING FAMILY!
But I don’t feel badly for Cindy and George. Everyone wanted to help find Caylee, even a bounty hunter named Padilla. But as you know Casey wouldn’t cooperate because she was GUILTY, HAD KILLED HER KID, WAS HOPING TO GET OFF SO SHE COULD WHORE AROUND FUSION IN ANOTHER HOT BODY CONTEST. Oh and George and Cindy started a missing children’s charity in Caylee’s name. They even reached to another couple who’s child was missing. This couple had done everything right such as panicking right away, calling the police, putting up posters and going on TV. So the Anthony’s reached out and these decent people, disgusted by their shadiness told them, FUCK NO. YOUR DAUGHTER KILLED YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER AND YOU ARE DOING THIS IN ANOTHER EFFORT TO COVER FOR HER. OUR CHILD IS LEGIMATELY MISSING AND WE ARE SAD YOU SICK FUCKS.
So now Casey Anthony as expected was charged with first degree murder and is facing death. Jose Baez is her lawyer and is funded by the state because in addition to being an evil whore she is rolling the system. Not to mention he is always touching her which means they will soon be in contempt of court for giving in between session blow jobs under the table. Of course Casey needs to save her ass because she might be getting the big old needle in her arm. So she is now saying Caylee really drowned in the pool and had been dead and she hid her body because of a personality quirk from being molested by both her father and brother. Oh and the neighbor molested her too. Maybe she was, I dunno. Point being if any of this was true she should have taken the plea deal a while back, told the truth and maybe she would get this thing called SYMPATHY FROM THE GENERAL PUBLIC AND EVERYONE ELSE. INSTEAD YOU CHOOSE TO LIE. HONEY, YOU WERENT MOLESTED BY THAT MANY PEOPLE. YOU LOOK LIKE AN EVIL ELF. NOT EVEN THE DOG WOULD LICK YOU IF A PORK CHOP WERE TIED AROUND YOUR NECK.
Bottom line, the law is always on the side of the criminals and the accused and never the victims. Time and time again they whine about how many rights THEY DON’T HAVE. Well when you break the law YOU NEED TO BE PUNISHED, YOU DO NOT NEED TO GET SEVERAL DEGREES AND WRITE A BOOK. In this whole mess we forget about the person who suffered the most, the sweet angel Caylee Anthony who’s fifth birthday would be approaching.
I know being a parent is never easy. But if you weren’t ready Casey there was always abortion. As cold as it sounds it would have been better than killing YOUR OWN KID. Oh and there was adoption too. There are plenty of families who would have taken Caylee in a heartbeat. I have six adopted cousins who are all well loved and cared for. GIVING A CHILD AWAY IS HARD BUT IT STILL WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN KILLING YOUR KID! NOT TO MENTION THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD HAVE RECEIVED THAT CHILD WOULD HAVE WANTED IT AND WELCOMED IT. I KNOW MY AUNTS AND UNCLES ALL DID WHEN MY COUSINS BECAME A PART OF THE FAMILY! Oh and maybe Cindy wouldn’t allow it, but Casey was eighteen, an ADULT. At that point you are in charge of your reproductive rights and your parents had nothing to say.
Then again, what do we expect from a spoiled bitch who lies and always had someone clean up for her, especially when she went so far into debt that her mother had to dip into her life savings to save her. Maybe for the five weeks your daughter was dead you partied it up. Well enjoy the hot body contest on death row. Enjoy having your ass sold into sexual slavery by Big Black Berth the Bull Dyke on the tier because white meat is always what’s for dinner in the women’s prison. There you can compete in the best hot body contest of all, “Let me rape you or get the shank you stupid bitch.” Ordinarily I would feel terrible but Casey Anthony is an evil bitch from the pits of hell. I HOPE THEY SELL YOUR ASS BITCH AND CUT UP YOUR FACE YOU ROTTEN WHORE!
This evil cunt is all smiles. She won't be smiles when Bertha is fising her ass, demanding sexual favors or else she is dead. White sells well in prison Casey. Too bad you forgot that before you killed your kid!
Love photo of a lawyer Jose Baez and his client. Do I sense hand job action? Is that why everyone is smiling?
Cindy Anthony, codependent enabler. Congrats lady, you created a sociopath. This calls for a Mother of the Year Celebration!

George Anthony, possible molester and milktoast piece of shit. Why were there no prayers for Caylee sir? Why for Casey and why for yourself? And I have a feeling you may have helped move the body.

Lee, if you molested Casey bad choice. You should have picked a hotter female relative
Rest in peace sweet Caylee. At the center of this chaos you are the forgotten puzzle piece. I know you are in heaven away from this whole mess.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Throwing shade

May and I before our Entertainment Tonight appearance.
Nelson Whitting, May and myself. Oh and a random dude. Nelson and his wife Carrie came to town just to meet us!

Derek, May and I. Again, May gets accosted by a fan on the set of Death of a Dummy and gives me no credit. As if....

From L to Right: Esmerelda Gnush, Moi, May Wilson, Sonny Jones, Ruby Chappeau, Officer E, Joe Lance of Mexico's Top Model xo
May Wilson poses for the ad she misleads men with on craigslist. But as I explained on TLC, this is a family where everyone pays rent

Officer E arresting a woman for not doing her roots. Gay cops, got to watch them

Lady Gaga dressed me that day

Me and a pink gorilla gram recipient. I was quite the surprise

Sonny and Officer E educate women about education and self esteem. As a result, the women learned that men just want sex but a good gay friend will always take you shopping

May has passed out after a long day of shopping and Sweetie Pie Kincaid, age 5, realized all role models are not so positive

Hey bitches, take this shade

For all my gay boys

Chilling at the Stonewall with some friends. Question, what do you call two lesbians in a wine cellar: Liquor!!!!!

For all my straight boys xoxoxo

The Today Show. Since that time May hasnt stopped bragging about what a diva she is. I should let the bitch go solo I swear.

Returning Home

From the time I was nineteen until the time I was twenty five I was very much into standup comedy. My college days were spent in either acting classes at the Lee Strasberg Theatre or academics at NYU and then off I would go to a mic and then another booked show with May in tow. I tanked and bombed hard until it hurt or I killed and left no prisoners. Fearlessly developing my act, I perfected my ventriloquism and learned the art of telling jokes just as April. I have always been hit or miss that way and still am. You either love me or hate me, what can I say? My junior year weekends began to be spent schlepping May and myself around the tri-state. I learned how to do long stretches of time. I partied, met lots of characters, did lots of shows, and loved it. My old roommate, a human girl, got used to me never being around on weekends as a matter of fact. Standup brought me on so many adventures I know that yes, aside from banks there are people who do live in the great state of Delaware.
However at twenty five I began to experience a burn out of sorts. For starters, I had begun hosting an open mic at a local club and also producing shows within this club system. My plate was full but I loved the comics who came to my mic and being busy was good for me. As a host I went out of my way to make people feel welcome and comfortable to kill or bomb knowing they could try new material with no consequence. I discouraged the clique mentality that is so prevalent in the standup world as we know it. As for the shows I produced, they did alright. I had some cool folks open for me during my one woman show special. As for the spots I got, for the most part they were shit in exchange for hosting the mic. Sometimes it was only three people who were comedied out after a long night of bringer comics. Still I didn’t care. This is what comedy was.
Until one day I got sick of the bullshit.
It all started when months after reviving a mic that was basically dying I asked for better spots. The club manager and other comics who were “passed” looked at me as if I was crazy. Some of these folks, stuck in the rut they called careers forever, always treated me as if I was less than. It drove me bonkers and made me resentful as all hell because I knew I was funnier in my sleep then many of these people were. I was told by older comedians to wait my turn and to just settle because “we all deserve better spots.” Sometimes I would, but then I would get vocal. Eventually I got what I wanted, but once I calmed down the mistreatment began again. To add insult to injury although I received no money to host, I was charged to do the rest of the mics. I saw a lot of the folks getting passed. Unoriginal, they were carbon copies of each other and many had been doing the same shitty act for sometime. On the weekends when I went out of state I had done shows for biker gangs and killed and not to mention tamed some of the roughest urban rooms. In addition to some TV time, I had also opened for Aretha Franklin. The fact I was not getting my respect was killing me. Soon I was getting better bookings outside this club system and began to show up less and less to my mic because I was busy doing things like filming a national television show or doing musical comedy for the husband of the Sultana of Saudi Arabia.
As for the shows I produced, they started to fall off. I got sick of hustling my friends who were broke or had better things to do than see me again and again. Soon I was in “trouble” with people I had done so much for. It was no biggie. I had begun work on a webseries where my guests were Michael Musto who by the way included us in his Village Voice blog, Melba Moore who was nominated for a Grammy, Kate Clinton who got us mentioned on, Harmonica Sunbeam who is the realest legend of drag and many others. In addition I was working on a book. As my bookings dried up I didn’t seem to care because for the last several months standup had become less like something I loved and more like a task like cleaning the house or bathroom. As I showed up less to my mic my comedians also came less. Someone wrote on badslava that I only showed up when I wanted to. Plus I was being pegged as an open mic comedian when I featured more than any of my naysayers would in an entire lifetime.
As Christmas approached my schedule filled. I had taped for TLC and did the press tour. Not to mention I began a career as a reenactment actor. My open mic was the last thing on my mind. Around Christmas I found that not only had this club in question fired me, but they replaced me via badslava without even telling me. It all worked out because I wanted to leave. I was sick and tired of the bullshit anyway that came with this club system. I was tired of all the nobodies crawling to be someone. At the same time, I missed new comedians coming through my door and giving them the memory of their first time onstage. However, for the most part I was glad to leave and was in no rush to find an open mic hosting gig elsewhere. This place and the gossipy wannabes and has-beens as well as the politics had sucked the life force out of me. A friend of mine promised to take me to his club with more positive comedians. I half heartedly promised him I would go. I never did. My passion for standup and joke writing had disappeared. I told myself I was so sick and tired of it that I didn’t care if I never set foot in front of a mic again.
At the same time, I felt alienated from the standup community in a way. These people, who focus on art so much, suddenly felt that I had betrayed them by doing a reality television show. They showed their distain in many different ways. Some old friends snubbed me when they saw me or otherwise stopped communicating. Others trashed me, either openly or anonymously, online. They said I did things like make up an addiction to puppets or was fame whoring. While neither was true, it was just an excuse to trash me because they felt it was unfair that for one reason or another I was getting air time and they were not. My perception of people I once called friends was suddenly very distorted and I felt the less time around these people so allergic to success the better.
To be honest though I never quite left. I still was doing one to two shows a week. Some were private shows, many for gay audiences who had seen me on TV and were in love with my puppets. May and I also hosted a bingo game. I also did a lot of family events with my puppets, including Hoops Day in Newark. When it was a regular standup show I found myself having more fun. I also found myself less angry because I wasn’t so immersed in the gossip and therefore found my sets improved. At the same time, I felt left out because I was somewhat isolated from the community. Nonetheless, other doors were opening. These doors included making music and also being the star of a full length film, Death of a Dummy. In addition, a book I wrote is currently being shopped around to agents. Not to mention I broke my ass to make a web presence for myself and my puppet children. So while I was out of the clubs I was still very much making noise. Yes, I walk down the street and am recognized as a result of some of my TV appearances and people occasionally want to take a pic. Does it make me J list? Okay, maybe I am not even a part of the English alphabet quite yet.
However as of late I miss being the a part of the larger community. I miss going on the road, seeing the country, and using it as an excuse to make new friends as well as bond with friends I already have. I also miss going to mics and either killing or falling on my ass. In addition, while I felt alienated from people, those people were not my friends ever and it was such a relief to find out when I did. However, I did have friends within the standup community, good friends. My sight was blinded by all the negative forces that I lost sight of who they were, happy for me no matter what. Not to mention while I see money from appearances at private events I miss slugging it out in the clubs and sharing junk food with potential new friends. While I have come a long way I still have a long way to go. Sure, standup removes the snobbery of the J list.
 But maybe I am ready to come back and this time find a club system where I am appreciated, not worked like a dog, and treated like a human. Now that my energy is better, perhaps I will be able to find that place in the sun. Not to mention see some more of America and the world. And while I am at it, I sincerely hope to make people laugh. Love April