Saturday, April 26, 2014

This 'n' That

I filmed my big DVD Tuesday and am still coming down from the high. Wednesday saw me tired and barely able to move. Thursday I was kind of back. Friday night I went to bed and just didn't move. It is kind of a weird sensation. Friday morning on my jog Bill Evans did buy me coffee though. On Friday he buys everyone coffee. It was good that he did that. The post show withdrawl and depression was starting to set in.

Yeah, the withdrawl has been strange. I walk down the street and don't hand post cards to people I know. My hands are free which is bizarre. I also have these feelings of depression that come out of no where. It hits me that I am broke ass broke, and am not as far along as I thought I would be. Granted, I have done a lot in my career. I have done things I never thought I would do. I was on TV Thursday. It was awesome. Still, I thought....I dunno.....Being on TV would mean my bank account would know about it too sometimes. I thought it would mean I would have to hustle for work less and not worry about money. Neither one of these things were true. Hell, when I was on Rachael Ray and they were showing my reruns I was handing out fliers in the cold, paying my breakfast with my laundry money, and having club owners dodge my phone calls.

On the other hand, I am thrilled. Since I was a kid I wanted to make a DVD of my live show. Taylor Mason did it. I was sixteen when I saw it. The men who fixed my mom's car were huge ventriloquist fans, and followed Taylor Mason. In my opinion, he is the most underrated man in comedy as well as the vent world. Yeah, they respect him, but he doesn't get as much tout as Fator and Dunham. Probably because he sticks with churches and such. Still, he's funny. Now I made a DVD. Granted, the process almost killed me. Still,it's been a dream of mine and it is something comedy fans buy. I had a good night, too. Afterwards, I felt like Rocky after a big fight, bloodied and bedraggled but somehow I came out a winner. Yeah, Apollo Creed didn't win this time.

I am in transition right now and am scared, excited, frustrated, but happy. I am starting a new sports broadcasting job via internet. This is awesome because I like sports. I am also releasing my DVD which is cool. I am hoping my fans buy it and it gets me better bookings. Also, I am starting a teaching job. Like the broadcasting job, it's not bukoo bucks but it's steady money and that's what I want and need. I also do a theatre the weekend after Memorial Day. I have always wanted to do that as well. So these are four things I have always wanted to do. I have always wanted to do sports broadcasting, be a community activist, release a DVD and tour theatres. My act is more suited to that. Additionally, I did well in a second interview for something. Hopefully I get it.

I am just waiting for the next big thing in my life. I have come so close and have never gotten it. People know who I am and what I do, but I am ready for that next jolt. The scary thing about being in transition though is that the money is not coming in quite yet. I will see some when my DVD is released. I will see some when the sports job starts. I will see some when the teaching job starts. I will see some when I do my theatre and start booking others. So it's going to come. Granted, I am not fixated on money but there is no worse feeling than being recognized by a fan and having your rent check bounce. Hashtag uncool.

On top of that, I was almost rolled by a green card seeking prick. I feel hurt because there was a part of me that liked him as a person, and knows my friendship was real on my end. He never saw me as a friend, only an opportunity to get what he wanted. I just feel angry and hurt. On top of that he mentioned he thought I was rich because I had been on TV. Ha ha! Jokes on him. On top of that he knew I had a hard time in my past when it came to men and viewed me as an easy target. I wasn't easy enough not to open my eyes.

 Everytime I believe there are good men out there, they prove me wrong. I am okay with being alone, not being used. I blocked his ass online, and hopefully now he has found a new woman to scam with his tricks. He believes in magic, right? I do too. Watch his ass become a puppet.

I know it's gonna get better and something is gonna click. It has to. I'm working too hard.
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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