Saturday, April 12, 2014

Let Me Love You Down (Ready For the World)

Does age matter when it comes to dating? That is a good question. I have been on both ends of this stick in this matter. On one hand, yeah, it does. You can relate to someone your own age. On the other hand, it doesn't. Sometimes young energy is fun. Also, age can be just a number. I know 40 year olds who act 10 and mature 18 year olds who are wiser than many.

When I was nineteen, I remember dating a dude who was six years older briefly and being very eager to impress him. Wanting him to see I could hold my liquor, I got really trashed on Apple Martini's. As if that wasn't enough, I fell off the bar stool and the whole place saw my underwear. That evening, I begged him to "take me," because I had seen waaaayyyyy too many movies. However, he was a gentlemen and didn't, thank God. That was super mature, I know. It faded out though, because he was living in a hotel and was kind of homeless. But he was a good dude and was ultimately respectful of my lack of experience.

After him, I fooled around with a dude twice my age who was a mess. The son of a world famous opera singer and one hit wonder who's work is often credited to someone else, puppetry brought us together. This dude was a gossip, a shit starter, and someone who still doesn't have it together. The other day, an old friend of mine and I talked about him. He is currently off his bipolar meds and living in the woods in his home state.

Oh and then there was the trust fund dude who I fell for that was older. I wanted him to be my boyfriend and he thought I was too young. At the time, he explained if I were older things would be different. That didn't stop him from playing mind games and throwing a hissy fit when my fiance came along. Still, he was right. He did me a favor.

The fiance was much older than I was, and that is probably why the relationship was such a mess. He had a history of dating strippers, I never had a boyfriend. I can't blame him for everything, I was bad too. The relationship heated up faster than a Bunson Burner and just exploded out of control and if a container of gasoline was placed on the thing. We were a terrible match, yet somehow I have only said I love you twice in my life and meant it. He was one of those times.

After him, I dated a mix of older guys. Dudes my age couldn't keep up. Because I was used to an older dude, I was just more mature. I dallied with some dudes my age, but it never really went anywhere. I dated older dudes with money, but they bored me. Then I dated some bad boys who were older and had kids which was weird. Then I dated mixed up married not sure and divorced dudes looking for fun. Of course there were a few who were five years older, a nice split. More healthy and doable.

After one breakup though, things changed. I ended up hooking up with an Abercrombie model. He had acted heroically saving me from an assault on the street. The cutie had just been dumped by his high school sweet heart who wanted him back now that he was modelling. I remember thinking he could be a boyfriend, he was cute, sweet, and a gentlemen. But he was 19, I was 24. I felt like I was robbing the cradle. When I spoke to him, it became apparent he was 19. Granted, he was a good kid but I knew I was going to get my heart broken. Plus he was just a kid. He would get sick of me in a week. He was trying to figure himself out. I felt like the trust fund dude cutting a lose, young, love struck puppy lose. I still wonder about him, if his life turned out alright.

Oh and then there was the dude I dated in his 80s. For as much it looked like we were a cradle robbing complicit team, he was fun to be around. I loved his knowledge of comedy, and the fact he was a player even at that phase of his life. Hell, he was fearless and flamboyant. Oh and I always ate well. In the end, it looked like if we ever hit a home run he might die in the process.

I then went out with a dude who was 2 years younger. It was okay. There wasnt much age difference. After that I fell for Holden Caulfield who was exactly one week older than me. Yeah, we were almost exactly the same age. That didn't turn out so well. But it was the other time I said, "I love you" and I meant it. Still, it felt different because we were so close to the same age. It wasn't pressure to act older. It was more or less just to be myself.

Tony Manero was much older than I was, and the older guy seemed less appealing. Rather, it was an indicator this comedic hasbeen was never getting his act together. It made me miss Holden more, and was a reinforcer that sometimes when older men wanted much younger women, it was because they had yet to grow up themselves.

This past week I went out with a much younger dude. He's whippersnapper age. Some of the things he does are whippersnapper behavior. Hell, he is a whippersnapper. On the other hand, this is kind of attractive because he is very spur of the moment, and that is fresh energy for my old bones. Still, I know the way these things go. What he wants now might change in a week. Plus he is young and it is summer so he is going to want to play the field. He says he likes me though, and wants to be more than my friend.

There is a part of me that is like, "AHHHHHH!!!" because my New York jadedness makes me fear commitment. On the other hand, maybe this is whatever it is. I tried to let him down easy because I know the way these things go. He said even though he is young he is mature in other ways. Still, I know how these things end. Yeah, he finds some tenderoni closer to his age and I am just the old maid. I know I hurt him though, and that doesn't feel so good. But I also know with age and time comes damage. He needs someone closer to his own age who isn't quite so baggage filled and fucked up.

I do enjoy his company though. Ultimately we both agreed to be friends and see where it went. It leaves him room to be a whippersnapper without guilt, and leaves me room to be a cheetah who is on the prowl while she desires her own independence. On the other hand, if it does grow into something more, it could be awesome for everyone involved. Love is always awesome. But then it fades and sucks ass.

Either way keep hope alive.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

Come see me April 22nd @ 7pm
Metropolitan Room
34 W. 22nd st. 

No comments:

Post a Comment