Thursday, April 3, 2014

Fear, Loathing, and Disgust

Yeah, it has been a shitty run this week. Let's see where to start. I am having people attack me left and right. I think the whole thing has been instigated by someone who has had beef with me for sometime. I hate this young woman with a passion. Yeah, if she died in some horrible manner I wouldn't be totally sad. She is sick, and is telling lies about me and is getting other people to gang up on me. Oh and she called me and hung up 16 times. Really sweetie. Get a life, bitch.

Then work has been crazy. It was slow but is starting to pick up. Last month I made my rent, no problem. Money left over. This month has been more of a struggle. Luckily I had some money left over. But I hate sweating about money problems. No wonder people flip out over being broke. It fucking sucks. To make matters worse, one of my credit cards has been compromised. They sent me a new one, but the new one didn't work. So I have been living off the other one which is almost maxed out. Yeah. AWESOME!!! And the cherry on the cake is, I have no money in the bank currently until I get paid.

I kept telling myself this would pass except I found out yesterday I was passed over for  a huge opportunity. It is something I wore a captain's jacket on, and something I kind of had a command seat on, too. We were so close to getting it. The feedback was so positive. It could have been WONDERFUL for all of us.

And then God said, "HA!"

So yeah. Life kind of sucks over here. I would wish cancer on this bitch but that would be too good for her. More like a flesh eating virus no one has seen, and only Dr. House can diagnose. But Dr. House is fictional. I am sick and tired of her. It has been almost three years and she lies about me, and now is sending other people to start with me. Seriously, she can have my sexually disappointing ex. They can all talk about me. They have a good subject. God help her if she sees me on the street. I don't even care anymore.

As for my money struggles, I might be forced to take another side job for a weekend or two that is fast money. Relax, it's legal. If it were illegal it would pay higher. If someone recognizes me from TV while there I might jump into traffic. I really hope other work picks up. It's not that I am too good for this. Fuck it. Actually I am. Once you have had a taste of fame and exposure, it is really tough to go back to doing shit and shoveling shit. I really don't want to do it. I just can't. The new credit card is supposed to come and I am supposed to get paid soon.

After that I got a call that I got passed on for a HUGE grant for a project I was doing. They called me to say they were pulling my application and apparently I had forgotten something they didn't even list in the instructions. I just wanted to tell them I wished them a slow and painful death. They should have just trashed my application. Or maybe I should have invited them over for the shit show called my life. I already want to walk into traffic. I figured it couldn't get any worse, right?


And then as for this opportunity, this just plain sucks the big one. This has been a large part of my life since last summer. Please don't try to comfort me. Most everyone who has reached out has been lovely but they haven't done shit. And then there are those who are allergic to achievement who don't realize how badly this royally fucking stings and say stupid shit. They don't realize that this compiled with everything else makes me want to stick my head in my oven. But then I realize it is electric so that option is out.

I would kill myself but I might live. And if you kill yourself there is no way things can get better.

I would buy a rifle and just take out the people I hate. But I am too broke to buy a gun and frankly, I don't know if I would do well in prison. While I would get the Masters Degree my mom has been pressuring me to have, I hear the food really sucks and frankly no one is worth a felony charge.

So I might as well deal. It sucks but I might as well deal. I know the wench and her minions will never be me, and the only way they can even get close to where I have been is turning on the TV. I know the money troubles will be over before I know it, and this is a new month. I know there will be other opportunities. Hell, the casting director of another opportunity liked my angry status update and said we were best friends. Basically I said life was fucking me like an AIDS hooker up the ass without a condom and if anyone wanted to help me they could jump off a bridge. Then I ended with "fuck you all and goodnight."

This morning Joel Osteen said not to get impatient when things didn't happen on our timeline. I wanted to curse him out but then realized he was right. I just need something good to happen now. I am at the end of my Goddamn rope. I keep saying things can't get worse but they do every hour.

So I guess the weather is warm. Maybe it is getting better and I don't know it. They say this too shall pass. Well pass damnit and stop being such a fucktard, universe, fate, whatever you are.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

Come see me April 22nd at 7pm
Metropolitan Room
34 W, 22nd st. 

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