Friday, August 23, 2013

Steaming Naked

The other day I was at the pool. I had gone for a swim and entered the sauna. Women go in there naked all the time. I know. My first few times in there I went in with a suit on. Recently I have bitten the bullet and gone in naked. Granted, I am not shy. But still, I am naked.

I know there are some women who pose naked and have sex with large numbers of people on screen for money. How do they do it? I mean, granted, if they saw some of the people buying these videos and magazines they would probably staple their clothes onto their bodies. Not to mention the camera does not lie. If there is cellulite, a fat spot, or an ugly scar you are doneski.

I have been in the sauna a bunch of times and saw some of these chicks who ditched their clothes. Nothing wrong with being confident but knowing some of them in real time, I just know them a little better. For someone like me the idea of getting naked in the sauna is strange cause of the way I was raised. It's the Catholic I think. You cover that shit up. In church you wear a jacket and in the sauna you keep your swim suit on.

These days I get fan mail from men wanting to marry me. It's bizarre because if you knew me growing up it was much different. There were the pimples, braces, and weight problem at once. Yes, I almost have a six pack now but it's weird. I can't wrap my mind around some of the crazy things male fans say to me. In school my friends were books and words. As an adult my friends are puppets. Women like me don't steam naked. You don't picture us naked. But being on national television changes all of that I suppose. May Wilson on the other hand will get naked for you. She told me.

I am not a big waxer either. Brazilian waxing almost killed me when I was twenty two. Ho Chi Minh's long lost granddaughter-at least I think she was because she was a Vietnamese lady who was a little too happy to see me scream-kept saying, "Do you have a man?" When she kept ripping the hair from my chocha. That was the end of me being sexified. Hell they had to get me drunk to pluck my eyebrows when I was fourteen.

But steaming naked wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I lived. It was alright. I felt good afterwards, too. Maybe I need to stop being such a basketcase about everything. And maybe Ho Chi Min's long lost granddaughter needs to torture me into beautifacation again xoox

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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