Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Living in Pause

The other day I was having a business convo about a project that turned into an all out text war. It began with me telling my partner Hondo that I was going to see a place we were possibly filming in. The locale is exclusive and it is a ton of money we don't have to get in. So I decided to go in through a back door way. It's not that kind of back door sickos, relax. Anyway, initially it is not what my boy wanted because he didn't want his people to pay a cover charge, but the space has been on TV numerous times. After posturing the other day at the diner, he finally gave in to this place as my backup plan.

So yesterday I went to see it. I messaged him beforehand inviting him. He said he had to work. Okay, whatever. Then he mentioned he might be able to get out to join me. At our previous meeting he stated that sometimes he believed this whole thing was becoming The April Show. I figured okay, you have stuff going on. I was just taking the lead, Hondo. Well Hondo asked what time I was going to leave and I told him soon. Then Hondo had the nerve to ask me to hold off. I am like the White Rabbit, early for everything. I hate being late. This drove me crazy.

Then my contact at the place emailed me to move the meeting. I texted Hondo. Could he come? It was later. That is when Hondo stated he could not come later, and began to tell me what to ask for. I am one of those people who doesn't like being ordered around. Needless to say, we were both in that mind frame where we both wanted to be right and we both wanted to win. Suddenly April the Business Woman went out the window and the little girl inside of me was screaming, "You're not the boss of me!" That is when we began to go at it via text. I started by disagreeing peacefully but I wanted to win and so did he. Now I was going for blood. There is some mechanism in me that likes to fight, especially with men.

Maybe it was the fact my dad and I butted heads so much growing up. It's not that it was that we were so different. We were so much alike. We are strongly opinionated and love the history channel. It was the way we bonded. But when we went at it, neither one of us would back down. Sometimes it is better to be happy than to be right, but damnit we both want to be right.Of course, my dad's whole immediate family is this way. We all joke it is best never to discuss politics at a Brucker Family Gathering. I will say though, the discussions my dad and I have are lively because we are both so impassioned, and my aunts and uncles, although we differ, are well informed.

 I think while this dynamic works for my relationship with my dad, it doesn't work a well in the dating world. So perhaps this is why I gravitate towards hyper-masculine dudes with no brain, feelings, but tempers like hell fire. Don't worry though, I can handle myself. I used to say the same thing with the former fiance. Even when things got bad, I could handle myself. At least so I thought. But now I was butting heads again and had to win. That is when the emoticons came out and all hell broke loose.

Something tells me before this all began we were both a little stressed and perhaps woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I have been working like a Mexican, and have been so tired some days I wake up feeling like the room is spinning. Hondo is soon to get married so he is running around like an African from wedding appointment to wedding appointment. Usually, he doesn't mind when I slam dudes in my weekly blog but this week he felt the need to let me know my perception of men was "skewed." Did I mention my mother sent me the "Call me when you wake up" text. I love the woman but don't send me those unless there is a death in the family. I can't have a convo especially when I am McStressed and crazy. Nonetheless, it was only 11 when this began and I was already tired, angry, and wanting blood.

 I began to end my sentences with a smiley face. When I start making my points and ending them with a smiley face it is my way of saying "Fuck you mutherfucker." And then one smiley face became two, became three, became four. Eventually I guess the fight came to a draw because Hondo did the adult thing and stopped responding. Of course this is after I accused him of having an overblown male ego and not pulling his weight. Of course I was fired up. HOW THE HELL COULD HE STOP RESPONDING WHEN I WAS ON FIRE! I hadn't even started calling, cussing, swearing, or typing in all caps yet.

That is when something in me said, "Put down the phone, April." So I decided to stop texting, shouted a shitload of profanities, and went for a walk.

I did and went for a walk. As I was fuming walking down the street I saw a friend of mine who works in a car lot. He noticed I looked like I was going to deck someone. I ended up telling him what happened. We agreed shit happened. And he told me to take some time, cool down, and talk to my buddy again. I thought about it, Hondo is like a brother to me. If something would happen to him I would be supremely upset. Not to mention if it happened before we got to talk and make up then I would be really upset. From a business stand point, Hondo had also made some good points. He has been on the other side of this. So I would bring up his concerns when I came to see the space. Not to mention if Hondo is going to be a part of this I want him to be happy. Not only is he my friend and is this a team effort, but also he will work better.

I also spoke to some other friends, one being an accomplished composer, who said that letting go of the control over one's career can be hard. Not to mention especially when you both think you're right. I started to col down significantly. I would ask about what Hondo wanted when I went to see the space. The worst that could happen was we brought our business elsewhere. Walking to see it and meet with the people went from my mission as Career Minded Woman to now a rock in my stomach. I was dizzy from being so fired up and frankly drained. Now I no longer wanted to be right, I wanted some sleep.

I went to see the space and brought up Hondo's concerns and suggestions. To my pleasant surprise, we ended up having an open, honest, and business orientated dialogue about how this all could be possible. At the end of the conversation, we spoke about us renting the smaller room and therefore our people not paying a cover. And as far as rent goes, while we don't have a final amount it is much more workable. The bar would be open and drinks would be served to our guests. While it is not final yet, this is a compromise that all could be happy with. I texted Hondo and he seemed happy. I also left him a nice message.

I also realized that while a beautiful, famous space is nice, it's not everything. It's not the end of the world if we don't get it. Hell, there are other beautiful, nice, spaces in the city. So far we have a good team. Looking at it from a wider angle, I think Hondo has some excellent points. Sometimes though, for as much as I want to win all the time it is better for everyone to be happy. Sometimes you have to take that breath, put down the damn phone, and live in pause.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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