Shy

It's amazing how shy I am. People tell me I should be more confident when it comes to guys. Not in this century. Things have gotten slightly better with age. I am able to carry on a full conversation. I don't use liquid courage to tell a man how I feel only to be bitten in the ass again. I don't bring my puppets on dates. But it is hard as a brick of cement for me. Here is a poem about it. 

SHY

When I see you

I want to disappear

As Mindfreak does

Breaking out of the chained box

My chained box

Called woman

Let me show off my mind

What a turn off

Let me show off my love

Of history and literature

That would be another turn off

With a side of rejection

Let me show off my hot body

Like that beef cookie

Talking your ear off

Hanging out of her shirt

When we all know

A bunch of guys railroaded Miss Thing

So what she wore some man’s ring?

I put her down in my mind because it feels better

As she wears a tacky sweater

When really my big bitch

Is that she is brave enough to

Talk to you without tripping over her words

It’s more fun to slut shame

When she only has a face and body

And no name to go with my insults

And she is a scapegoat to my insecurity

Frailty thy name is woman,

Hamlet was wrong

Legally the name is Catty

Legally the name is Insecure

Legally Insane actually

Stamp that

Seal it

I’ll be crying inside if you need me.

How absurd the things girls do

To make a man want us

And how we run to you

When I just can’t

With my feet of led

That just wont move

I want to run into thin air

Disappear and go for a swim

In the polluted East River

I don’t want to drown

Just swim into the Atlantic

When the sharks eat me

I wont have to face you

When you reject me

I wont have to replace you

And come up with a story about how

I put my foot in my ever blessed mouth

Once again like I do every Friday

Of course I could be wrong

Misreading the signals

In my hormonal rush

And your are my crush, crushing

My dreams, self worth, and self esteem

In my crazy head.

You already screwed this up

Cheated with the beef cookie

Dumped me like a load of

Wet laundry and then burned my heart

Making me want to jump into the water

Never to be heard from again.

I already dumped you in my mind

Am prancing fancy in a red convertible

Where I am driving by as a successful

Woman who cannot be touched by the

Sexuality and sensuality you possess

As I hide under my summer dress.

I don’t want to die

Even though this word objectifies me

And puts me in a box

I kind of like myself

And the words I write

My napalm and elixir against the world

I don’t want to die

I am bright and have a lot to say

Even if the men of the world take my voice

Away with one wink of an eye

It’s not just being a basketcase

Welcome to the world of being shy.