Saturday, June 15, 2013

Shy

It's amazing how shy I am. People tell me I should be more confident when it comes to guys. Not in this century. Things have gotten slightly better with age. I am able to carry on a full conversation. I don't use liquid courage to tell a man how I feel only to be bitten in the ass again. I don't bring my puppets on dates. But it is hard as a brick of cement for me. Here is a poem about it. 

SHY
When I see you
I want to disappear
As Mindfreak does
Breaking out of the chained box
My chained box
Called woman

Let me show off my mind
What a turn off
Let me show off my love
Of history and literature
That would be another turn off
With a side of rejection

Let me show off my hot body
Like that beef cookie
Talking your ear off
Hanging out of her shirt
When we all know
A bunch of guys railroaded Miss Thing

So what she wore some man’s ring?
I put her down in my mind because it feels better
As she wears a tacky sweater
When really my big bitch
Is that she is brave enough to
Talk to you without tripping over her words

It’s more fun to slut shame
When she only has a face and body
And no name to go with my insults
And she is a scapegoat to my insecurity
Frailty thy name is woman,
Hamlet was wrong

Legally the name is Catty
Legally the name is Insecure
Legally Insane actually
Stamp that
Seal it
I’ll be crying inside if you need me.

How absurd the things girls do
To make a man want us
And how we run to you
When I just can’t
With my feet of led
That just wont move

I want to run into thin air
Disappear and go for a swim
In the polluted East River
I don’t want to drown
Just swim into the Atlantic
When the sharks eat me

I wont have to face you
When you reject me
I wont have to replace you
And come up with a story about how
I put my foot in my ever blessed mouth
Once again like I do every Friday

Of course I could be wrong
Misreading the signals
In my hormonal rush
And your are my crush, crushing
My dreams, self worth, and self esteem
In my crazy head.

You already screwed this up
Cheated with the beef cookie
Dumped me like a load of
Wet laundry and then burned my heart
Making me want to jump into the water
Never to be heard from again.

I already dumped you in my mind
Am prancing fancy in a red convertible
Where I am driving by as a successful
Woman who cannot be touched by the
Sexuality and sensuality you possess
As I hide under my summer dress.

I don’t want to die
Even though this word objectifies me
And puts me in a box
I kind of like myself
And the words I write
My napalm and elixir against the world

I don’t want to die
I am bright and have a lot to say
Even if the men of the world take my voice
Away with one wink of an eye
It’s not just being a basketcase

Welcome to the world of being shy. 

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