Monday, June 10, 2013

Never Date a Sailor

Lots of women love a man in a uniform. It is something about authority that makes a gentlemen sexified from time to time. Not to mention he has tales of war and travel, as well as the fact he is automatically a hero in his our minds. Yes, the ultimate God in the Temple of Testosterone. However beware the sailor.

I didn't know about the sailor and his prowess to ruin a woman's life until it happened to my aunt. She met the man I will call Mick through my Nunni. My Nunni had fixed my mom and dad up, however over the years her skills had dissipated. So Nunni fixed my Aunt Rachael, who her entire life struggled with dyslexia and was self-conscious about it, with Mick the Navy man. So she moved to Virginia with Mick who was on constant probation with the Navy. Sometimes Mick would trick my Aunt Rachael into going on trips and he would get an AWOL. Of course he would then be in trouble and turn around blaming my aunt. At this point Aunt Rachael tried to work but couldn't keep a job because Mick would have all these trips planned and would get her fired. After that, it was revealed Mick had a woman in every port, and would shack up with some Pacific Island hottie because this squid in his pants and for him every week was shark week. My Aunt Rachael left him, and ended up dating his other buddy, a red neck named Ron who wanted to see the world with the Navy. Ron rushed my aunt into an engagement, and my grandparents spent their whole savings on the wedding. Well Mick saw my Aunt Rachael was happy, and he came rushing back. Aunt Rachael, who was seduced by Mick and his false promises, ran off with him to Hawaii. Ron found out and cancelled the wedding. My grandparents couldnt get their money back, so they had a party where they renewed their vowels. Needless to say, Aunt Rachael realized she made a mistake and began to pursue Ron again who told her he no longer loved her, he too had found some island hottie. Basically both these deadbeats ruined my aunt's life and I hope they burn in hell like a ship out of water.

I didn't think these morons were representive of all sailors until I started dating. My former fiance was a sailor. When we met he bragged about his time in the Navy and how he was proud of himself. Later, he admitted he was discharged because he suffered from depression. According to my ex, he had a high score on the ASVAP. Anyway, my ex said he was committed to the base psych hospital because things weren't going well and they let him go. From the things that came out later, it was revealed that as usual there was more to the story because sailors and liars are in the same boat. I think he may have tried to attack a commanding officer, I dunno. These are the pieces I gathered from what he told me. My ex also alluded to sleeping with a superior's wife. Either way I still have a seperate mailing address because of the psycho sailor I almost married.

After that, I had a brief fling with another former sailor who was still married. He lied and told me he was getting a divorce. Needless to say he never did because his wife was the breadwinner and he didnt want to work. So I sent that sailor out to sea.

Of course there was the former sailor who had been a cook in the Navy who claimed he had an open marriage. He told me about all the girls he banged back in the day in every port in the storm. As a result he and his wife had an open marriage. Needless to say, his wife was blissfully unaware of this, that is, until she paid me a nasty phone call. That ended our little tour around the world, ha ha.

After that came the sailor who still has a piece of my heart, Richie. He had been in the Navy for several years before being discharged. During his time around the world he had found drugs and had a heroin habit that took off soon after he left the Navy. Richie struggled to get clean and stay clean, but had a good heart. After some clean time he slipped and I had to say goodbye. Richie disappeared and proves my theory, that all sailors have a sea of issues.

Last on the list was the man I will refer to as Dead Beat Daddy. I met Dead Beat Daddy in my travels, and he joined the Navy and too traveled the world. However, he left out the fact he had two kids he didn't support and he also denied them. Oh and there was a third paternity claim against him. Yes, he was spreading his semen. LOL

So yes, sailors are disreputible. I shouldn't say that actually. My Pop Pop was in the Navy in WW II. Then again, my Pop Pop was an OFFICER and these are ENLISTED MEN. That is like Harvard as compared to Community College.

Anyway, no more sailors ladies. They will ruin your life.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
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