Saturday, June 8, 2013

Catch My Fall (Billy Idol)

This past week was a good week, and last night was a good night. That is, until I decided to take a cab home. My reasoning was that my umbrella was breaking and there was no way I was making it to the subway without getting completely soaked to my bones. Plus I had a little money in my pocket, kind of. I hail this one cab down and I get in. However my umbrella is broken. Instead of being kind to me seeing that I am desperate and soaked to the bone, he begins to berate me.

The cabbie says, "You are getting my seat wet!" I try to explain to this piece of shit with some accent from no where and some island that probably allows him to treat women like chattel that my umbrella is broken. Asshole McFuckhead begins losing his shit on me. I calmly try to explain my umbrella is broken because the thing is cheap as shit, probably like the palm tree hut his family used to live in. Of course they didn't teach him manners. Assweed.....

Finally, we agree I am turning my umbrella a certain way so I don't drench his seat. Maybe Asshole McFuckhead has calmed himself. What a bully. I knew in my heart if I were a man he would have never spoken to me like this. He probably thought because I was a white woman he could treat me in such a disrespectful way. There are some people who yes, assume that white people have money because they are white. If they could see my bank statements they would see they were very wrong. As we rode I hoped the next interaction we had could be peaceful. I was still in a relatively good mood and didn't want to fight with this man who obviously didn't have a green card. However, I don't like bullies, especially men who bully women. Note, this has nothing to do with his color or the third world shit hole he came from so much as it does the fact he thought he could push me around cause I was a lady. As I fumed in my mind, I beat him like a rented mule with my broken umbrella. That would throw his dumb, woman hating ass for a loop.

We finally got to my street. Okay. That is when I go to pay the fucker. Part of me didnt want to tip. After all, he had been awfully mean to a poor little girl like myself. Just then he snaps, "That is not how you pay with the credit card. Are you stupid?"

This is how the exchange went:

Me: Listen Asshole McFuckhead, you have been nothing but a jerkoff since I have stepped into your cab. Don't fucking tell me how to pay with a credit card. You obviously have some issues with women. I am ordinarily kind but I am not tipping your ass. 

Asshole McFuckhead: What! I have not spoken to you since you got in my cab. I don't know what you are talking about?

Me: Yes, you were rude to me when I stepped in. I don't like men who bully women. 

Asshole McFuckhead: What? You got my seat wet. I can't have that.

Me: Well have a good night you piece of shit and suck my dick, you hear?!

Okay, not the most educated reply but he has pushed me. I am out of the taxi and mad as hell. That is when Asshole McFuckhead begins slowly driving behind me laughing. I turn around and give him the motion to suck it. If this moron wants to bring it he can. I used to fight with a former fiance who was twice as big and three times as scary and would come out on top. Yes, I am talking macho shit but hey, guys do it all the time and so what I don't have the equipment to back myself up?

As Asshole McFuckhead is driving behind me and laughing, I am telling him to drive away or I will call the cops and the cops will believe me over his scummy ass. Of course this was right after I flicked him off again. Just as I was temped to run over to the car and deck him I heard a voice say, "Is there a problem here?"

Asshole McFuckhead, seeing that he might now have to face a man drove like a bat out of hell. I looked over and it was an old friend of mine from the neighborhood who I will call Cliff. As it was raining, Cliff let me share his umbrella and told me that the guy was a jerk. Cliff explained that he was raised not to talk to women like that, and not to let any man talk to a woman like that. I explained to Cliff that I wanted to beat the living piss out of the jerkoff, and Cliff assured me he wasn't worth a felony charge. Cliff gave me a big hug, bought me a cup of coffee, and basically spent an hour talking my ass down from the high my anger had given me. 

I remember a friend of ours saw us and I told him what happened. This friend, an older gay man I will call Edwin, laughed and said, "You got into a fight with a cab driver? Well, welcome to New York." I laughed. It's what I needed to do.

I don't usually lose my shit like that, but sometimes I do. I think because this dude was such a bully, and as a woman who travels the world alone like Amelia Earhart I run into dudes who feel like they can push me around. Fuck that shit. Of course some of it was that I was bullied as a kid, and as someone who stands up for herself these days I don't like bullies. So I have to fight back. It's just a reflex. 

Cliff walked me home though, and let me know it was going to be alright. I slept well and jogged this morning putting the shiteous incident behind me. I suppose chivalry isn't dead. It is just in a coma. 

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
Portion of proceeds go to Greenpeace

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